JRuss - perhaps split those two. Work first on becoming a person that you, your W, and your children can respect. I like to feel that even in the darkest hours that my W still respected me - no clue if that was true or not. I'm positive that when she walked out our door that she did though. Friendship may have to wait until you are both ready for it.
Agree with this ^^^^^^.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Basically, treat her as someone you know but you don't really want to spend THAT much time around. You can be polite or friendly, but keep away from kissing butt. Respect has to come before all else. Why? If she can't respect you enough to talk to you decently, why would she respect you enough to even question all of the things she's done? It's a big first step to be honest. Once you start gaining respect back, they start to question things and aren't so sure about what they wanted anymore.....
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
All WS's are the equivalent of the person you would AVOID if you met them in a bar etc. AVOID them!
Stay away as much as possible and find that happy part of you. The part you love and others love. Do you want to be this 'oh life is so awful' [without her] kind of guy forever. NO?.
Time to GAL.
Man up. She has t!ts and a$$ I get that. She is also someone you LOVE too. That's all GOOD.
Drop her though. Seriously.
She will follow you or not. Either way, you WILL be happy.
I PROMISE.
If she does not follow you, if you do not rekindle etc, do what? Be happy either way. Then it's win, win.
Sufer
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Surfer -- the flesh is willing, but, at times, the spirit gets weak. Thanks for the needed a$$ kicking.
Feeling a bit better this AM. W is very busy at work and overwhelmed with it all. It's at times like this that I see it isn't all about me -- or even maybe mostly about me -- but is instead about a severe displeasure with the life she has to live right now. I can't really do anything about it other than be present if she wants to vent and resist the urge to try to fix things. She's scapegoated me for a lot that's wrong with her life that I have nothing to do with. She'll keep doing that, and we'll be divorced eventually, or she'll have an awakening, and we won't. Just going to do what I can to be the best I can be.
I'm heading out of town Friday for a trip to Colorado with very old friends. Just guys. I'm really looking forward to it. It will also give me an opportunity to go a lot darker than I ever can when I'm at home living in the same house with my W. Any thoughts on how dark I should go? Maybe no texts or calls to W's cellphone? I do want to keep in touch with the kids while I'm gone but could do that entirely through my Ds cellphone if I wanted to. Could use some advice if anyone cares to weigh in.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
My advice: do whatever the F*CK you want. Call her every minute. Text her hearts and smilies. Grab her ankles and beg. Or don't call her. It don't make no difference JR.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
FG -- really glad to see you back just to know you're ok. Lots of friends here worried about you after your last post in your thread, Man. I hope you're feeling better. Focus on those kids if all is feeling like its failing.
What I want is to try a little dimmer/darker 5 days. I don't have any expectations that it will change my marital dynamic, but I think it will be good for me and my outlook.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
