Speaking as someone a bit knowledgable here in this area, everyone posting to you would be someone I would listen to.
Looking solely for those "success" posters to advise you...they are going to give you the exact same advice that one of those "unsuccessful" posters will.
A little advice:
If I call you fat and you're not fat, it's not going to hurt or sting you. If I call you fat and you are fat, it is going to hurt or sting you.
If something stings, it is worth taking a look at in yourself, especially if you don't like it.
Now, well not now, maybe a few months if you're still here and not quite as pissed off about everything, it is a good time to take a look at the crap you don't like about yourself and start making changes.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I will take advice from you as well, I see that you have been here for a while. One thing I can't stand if people start to calling me names or advices me to "move on" and start looking for a girlfriend. I don't need that kind of negativity.
Cld many of the posters posting to you saved me. They really care and know what they are talking about. I fought back at 1st too cause I didn't want to see it. And they were right. I learned a lot from them. You will too.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
No one has told you to start looking for a girlfriend. I don't tell people to move on. I advise them to move forward and not get stuck in a rut. Moving forward, to me, means living your life to the fullest, it means turning the focus on to you and your children and setting your thoughts of your wife aside for a while. It means working on yourself and yes, it's difficult in the beginning to move forward, but w/each day, you learn to take it one second at a time and until you can work up to one day at a time.
It's understandable that your threads are full of your wife, her health issues, etc. We have learned very little about you, Cld. What makes you tick? What are your interests? Do you go out w/your friends and have a good time, i.e. male bonding? Now is a good time to make a list of those things that you would like to do, but didn't have a chance to do for a long time. When your children are w/you, make plans to some fun things. Do you have a park near you, a library that has reading time for children or go to a movie w/them? These are things that help not only the children, but you, to think about something else besides your wife.
It's difficult, but you can do it. It's time for Cld to move forward and get out of the rut. Again, I'm not saying move on and find a woman to keep you company. For now, your focus needs to be on you and what you can do to improve yourself and make you the man that your wife will think twice about and want to reconcile with.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't believe that anyone told you to move on and find anyone else. That is not something any of the people who have posted to you would say.
I also don't believe that anyone called you a name. That would be a character assination and isn't something that we make a regular practice of here.
You can cherry pick who you take advice from. Thing is...you don't know all the details of anyone's story. Like I said in my first post to you...you are only looking at the outcome and that is not the right place to look. Simply reconciling doesn't make a happy relationship. It just makes a relationship.
The WORK is what makes a happy relationship.
I will say that while you apologized, I don't buy it. Not yet. You have said some hugely offensive things and I don't think you have any idea what they even are, nevermind why they were offensive and why you should be sorry.
Maybe someday...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
As soon as I sign this divorce judgement, I will focus massively on my work. I am glad that my wife couldn't destroy the business that I built in the past 10 years. Believe me, I won't focus on my wife, I will get back to work full force and grow the business like never before. As far as friends and social life, I do have male business partners that I talk to every day, plus I have my father who is always there for me every day as well. This board is helping me as well big time and I am glad you are not charging me money, but I bought "The divorce Remedy" and "Divorce Busting" that I will start to read as soon as they come. I also have a vegan group of friends that I meet monthly and we eat together the food that we prepare.
Didn't your wife assist you in the building of your business? Since she's in the work force, didn't she have family health insurance, which included you as a spouse? Did she provide some funds to help establish the business and help pay the house and utility payments while you were a stay at home husband? Didn't she provide support and encouragement to you during the start up of the business?
Do have any hobbies that you've put on the back burner? Are there things that you would like to do once things settle down and I don't mean your entire focus on the business. You have to have some down time or you will burn yourself out very quickly.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am very happy alone, in no way I want my wife or any other woman in my house ever again. I just need my wife to be friendly and help me raise the kids, that would be considered success to me. I really do not miss the sex life, I am more than happy by myself. Reconciliation to me means being friendly enough without having to go to court for every little thing, that's all I want.
