cheesyt 2

[cheesyt]

W called. My heart like dropped. I didn't answer. Then she texted call me ASAP. I waited a few mins. Freaked out of course. She told me "our" little dog got hit. And that the neighbor (if you've been following my thread you know this neighbor told my W lies that I said we were dating) so that neighbor was taking the dog to the vet. And I said you freaked me out I'm glad it wasn't you or D, and I'm sorry it was the dog is there anything I can do. She said no I just wanted to let you know and I said ok thanks bye.

I don't know. Should I be doing something? Why did she call to tell me? Her dog and her problems are my my business...she's told me that a million times. I don't know. But getting a call from her freaks me out, even know that I know what she wanted. Still confused. Does she expect me to go visit? Pay for half of the vet bill? I mean I don't know!!!!!

[cheesyt]

Her problems are none of my business**

And the part of the neighbor lied and told W I said W and I were dating.

Sorry wasn't very clear.

[lt0402]

Who knows cheesyt. It's so impossible to determine why our WWs do anything they do. I'd just validate and see where it goes from there if she reaches back out. Sorry to hear about yalls dog though.

Enjoy the restful nights sleep on the new mattress!

[cheesyt]

update. dog died.

I texted w asking about dog.
W- she's gone
I called, straight to VM as always, I'm starting to believe she has me blocked.
Me - can you call me?
W-I'm busy.

wtf. earlier it was so important now she's too busy. what the heck is with her?!
was she expecting one reaction and didn't get it so she's mad nod? what in the world.
I feel like replying eff you.

I'm trying to detach, I'm trying to not let her mood affect me and It does. Where's my W? the woman who cared about me? will she ever be back!?!?!?!

[cheesyt]

I hate how W can get me to call her or text her.

But when I need a call, or a reply. nope. nothing.

I think that bothers me and makes me most angry.

[cheesyt]

ok I have to be missing something here. I am incapable of wrapping my head around this situation. and how this me not being there for her is doing me any good. I'm not seeing things clearly, or maybe I'm not wanting to see them clearly.

Regardless, I need to be in a better emotional and mental state. It really bothers me that she asked me to call, perhaps she wanted my support? and I didn't give her it. so when I finally was ready she wanted nothing to do with me, hence the "I'm busy." I understand the whole she needs to feel a loss, I agree. She needs to know that when and if a D happens, there will be no ME to call, no matter what. I totally understand that, what I don't understand is how making her mad (more than she already is at me) and pushing her away (that's what I feel like I'm doing) is what's going to help her see this loss. I feel crazy. I feel stupid, she FINALLY called me, and I didn't know what to say or how to handle it. I feel like I blew it. I feel like she expected her W to be there for her and her W didn't show up. That's not me! I show up, I'm there for my family. If they need something, I'm there. It hurts ME to not be there for them. ME. I hope it hurts her, but most importantly I'M the one hurt here. I'M the one in tears now. everything feels wrong. everything I'm doing and saying feels so wrong.

I can't gal and have fun without being and feeling guilty. I cant buy a stupid mattress because I don't know what kind I like (she's picked all 3 that we've had, do I like firm or soft?! who knows!?!?!) I can't buy the boots I wanted to gift myself for my birthday because my car broke down and I need money for that instead. why? I make decent money but I'm trying to pay off 10k in a cc we so kindly racked up. (some for her school some for our fun I'm sure) I cant make a bill pay on my account cus W handled finances so I'm literally clueless on using bill pay. I can't make it one day without crying. I can't concentrate at work 75% of the time.

Does it actually truly get easier? Am I crazy and stupid for thinking I may see my kind, intelligent, loving, funny & beautiful wife one day? cus from where I'm standing, I'm an idiot and a fool.

[lt0402]

Cheesyt, you are neither an idiot not a fool. You have been unwillingly put into a situation that most people would instantly capitulate too. You are strong, intelligent, and hard headed...all traits a lot of us share. You are fighting the good fight and should be proud of yourself for standing for your M when no one else will.

You'll realize in a couple days that this wasn't a big deal in the scheme of things. I've found myself killing me for not doing something perfectly with W but you come to realize in the marathon we are running its weighting is minimal.

That said, I know how difficult the "here and now" can be and I know the fear you are facing. Just know that it'll pass and you'll be back to fighting for your M tomorrow. Your W is a fool for trying to kill the M. Now it's just getting her to see that.

Hang in there. We are all here to support you. You are an amazing person and one days worth of "incidents" does not make or break all of this. You'll get through this cheesyt, you are strong!!

[hawker]

Cheesyt...I am so sorry about the dog!!! Remember our W's are not who we thought they are when we were together. She called you at an emotional time for her because they are selfish right now. You reacted because you thought that she was wanting your comfort. She is still selfish and in a fog. You just have to keep living day by day. When my W dropped the bomb...well I caught her...in Feb...I couldn't focus on work for months...it sucked totally....it does get better I promise...I can sleep, I don't think about my W 24/7 and I am doing things for me. I do miss my W, the old W, not the person she is now. I had dinner with one of "our" best friends. My W has not talked to her since July 4 because our friend is on my "side". She told me she though my W thinks I would take her back at anytime. I thought this was probably true but the more I think about it the more I wonder. Yes I want my W back but I want her back with conditions...I could never ever go through something like this again...it has been the worst 6 months of my life. Hang in there....you can do it!!!!
(((cheesyt)))

[maybs]

I agree, I do think things get better. For me a big part of them getting better was when I stopped trying so hard. I know I'm going to make mistakes in regards to my W and this whole situation.

I know you are pretty hard on yourself when it comes to you W and D but I think you need to be kind to yourself. You're not perfect and mistakes will happen and that's okay. Just get up and keep going!

[Rose888]

update. dog died.

I texted w asking about dog.
W- she's gone
I called, straight to VM as always, I'm starting to believe she has me blocked.
Me - can you call me?
W-I'm busy.

wtf. earlier it was so important now she's too busy. what the heck is with her?!
was she expecting one reaction and didn't get it so she's mad nod? what in the world.
I feel like replying eff you.

I'm trying to detach, I'm trying to not let her mood affect me and It does. Where's my W? the woman who cared about me? will she ever be back!?!?!?!

I haven't kept up with your sitch, so forgive me if this is way off base but . . .

Why did you immediately assume she was mad at you when she said she was busy?

This seems like a classic example of being emotionally enmeshed in an unhealthy way and mind reading.

Maybe she was just busy?

And even if she just didn't want to talk to you at the moment, why does that make you want to respond eff you? Your emotional response seems out of proportion to the exchange.

Emotional attachment starts when you stop mind reading and stop assuming her actions are directly related to you.