Let's go on our own pub crawl and have BLAST together. You are an amazing woman with a lot to offer and I am grabbing you for one whole night of fun in the pubs. Get in my red-hot convertible....FAST cuz I am not waiting on you for long.
I completely get how it's tough handling things on special dates like this. Best thing is to try to enjoy the day for what it is though! We're all here for you and I'm really happy that it's your birthday today. You've been awesome support for me and I definitely appreciate you!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Guess I don't see the problem lying to her in this situation, but then I'm a newb who's making no progress in my own sitch.
Or make it not even a lie by making yourself busy and having fun?
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Happy Birthday CheesyT - hope you have a great day. Try not to focus so much on how your W passed along Birthday wishes. She could have just blown it off, so at least she reached out in some fashion.
I know this is hard for you. Having just gone through what should have been a big anniversary celebration for me (21 years last Friday), I understand your sentiments on wanting more, but it's one day and she still acknowledged it.
Just my 2 cents...
_____________________ Me:44 W:44 Together 22 Married 21 S 19 D 17, 15, 15. 7 EA/PA suspected 3/30/2016 EA/PA confirmed 4/5/2016 ILYBINILWY 4/5/2016 WW asked for Divorce 5/8/2016 (WW has backtracked)
lt0402, JRuss, lfm & Hawker- thanks for the birthday wishes!
I texted W exactly what Wonka said, thank you as well!
lfm- I've already had my 2yr wedding and 6 year "dating" anniversary and I managed to handle them rather well. I thought there were long ones, 21yrs Is a LONG time. I hope to one day make it that far, (with or without my W) I've begun reading on your stitch.
lt0402 - thanks for the kind words! I appreciate you!
JRuss - hang in there, you're doing the best you can!
update- had a rough morning after W's text. mainly just wondering why things cant be different, I never envisioned my birthdays without her...or my life for that matter. I know I must accept this is my reality. I finally got out of my head, and was able to enjoy all the happy birthday's I got from my co workers (someone spread the word through a mass email) They brought donuts for breakfast, My co worker took me to lunch, (coworker confessed her long time bf is going through what seems like MLC) and in about an hour a few of my co workers and one of my friends will go for dinner and drinks. Really trying to enjoy and appreciate everyone who's done their part to make my birthday special. all you of you reading this included!
-Thank you all for the support. I really truly appreciate it!
Glad to hear you're having a good day after all cheesyt, and that we can all be here to show our support. Have a great evening and look forward to the end of the week!
_____________________ Me:44 W:44 Together 22 Married 21 S 19 D 17, 15, 15. 7 EA/PA suspected 3/30/2016 EA/PA confirmed 4/5/2016 ILYBINILWY 4/5/2016 WW asked for Divorce 5/8/2016 (WW has backtracked)
It's friday I get to pick D up from school and spend a few hours before I have to drop her off! Cloudy, rainy and gloomy. No park just Library and Dinner.
W texted last night asking If I was picking D up today. This morning she texted "please text me when you pick her up." I mean, when we were "together" I never texted her I picked D up, I just did it and went on my way. Is this necessary?
I wanted to touch on Controlling Behavior with vets and newbs alike, a 180 for me is giving up control and letting her take back the control she so desperately "needs". Not question her actions and validate that her decisions are correct. With that said, me letting her run her show, with D, of course, is perfectly fine with me. However, will she lose respect for me? I don't think there was much left to begin with.
Also, In respects to a weekday that I do have D, we had talked about how we wanted her routine to stay the same with W and with Myself. This would consist of me picking D up around 5pm from school, heading to "our" house getting dinner ready for her (at which point W would be coming home from school) would it be advised to "play" family? I cook for us, we have dinner, do homework, and get D ready for bed? I think this will help W relax or let her guard down with me, the fact that I'm keeping with her "controlled schedule". I don't see how this could hurt me, as it's 1 day a week but maybe to an outsider it may look different? I thought about the cake eating aspect but I don't know what cake eating it would be other than I make dinner? I do wish to see it as a good indicator of what weekday M life would be, we are all on the same page, new routine, perhaps see me in a different light? (that's not my hope of course. my hope is to just be better and make sure I'm sticking to what I need to do) I want and need to make sure all my moves are in the correct direction because as most of you have read, I keep trying to do "right" and manage to step in ways that continue to make W mad or upset or cause problems (more of the same) This is a desperate cycle I am trying to break. Finding it extremely difficult. (though my W's extremely short fuse does not help my case)
wow! where to begin? outing with D was fun. interesting...but fun. I legit forgot to text W when I picked up D, I also leave my phone in the car with D, or even W...went to get dinner and came back to some nasty texts about how this is ridiculous, W asked me to call (funny, she said text initially) and how we would have a serious talk when I dropped D off about how going forward was going to look. Called W, told her I forgot apologized and told her we were inside having dinner. W said ok. and we hung up. W wouldn't talk to me when I went to drop D off later, so I just left. We will see what W does going forward. Not sure if she'll let me see D.
some red flags with D. 1.D was telling me her routine and million rules now - when we were a family, I was blamed for having too many rules. 2.D mentioned she misses my cooking, and that W has been taking her to eat a lot because W doesn't want to cook. -I would get "talked" to for feeding D "crap" but never a thank you for cooking 5 meals a week. 3.D said "on Wednesday when you were supposed to pick me up" I said "I was not" and laughed D said "yes you were mommy showed me some texts where you agreed" so I dropped it because what's the point of telling her we had a conversation in person and changed plans...makes me think though W is trying to pin D against me. 4.D mentioned how she wanted tea last night but "mommy was too tired" to make her some -It was always me saying "no" to D when she wanted something so simple. 5.D got a cell phone since she stays home alone in the mornings after W leaves for school. D mentioned W told her she was not allowed to have me as a contact. 6.D said she didn't feel comfortable asking W if she could call me yesterday for my birthday. -it may be that D is telling me "What i want to hear" but If its true, it's annoying that W is "working to have open and great communication with D" and yet D still feels this way. 7. D mentioned she discovered where the cigarretes came from (D and I suspected W started smoking) D said "all of mommy's friends smoke and bring some when they come over" -looks like W has been busy with her friends -I was also blamed for "ignoring" D too much. 8. D is going away for the weekend with her grandmother. -again, I was always blamed for "sending D away" because I "didn't want her" but this summer compared to summers with me, D has been around significantly less than ever. 9. D also mentioned who her emergency contacts were on her phone, you guess it, not me. The neighbor is though. That's lovely. We are still legally married right? Last I checked we are. Feels like W is doing her best to keep me out of D's life yet is ok with me picking her up 2 times a week? This is so confusing. what's the motive here?
annoyed, nothing I can do. W has always been easy to anger. from 0-100 in a few secs. Still at it I see. It's frustrating and hard but I'm starting to see it's not all me. All the issues surrounding D will still be there and are still there but W is too blind to see now. Hope W sees it sometime. I also have a theory that because I didn't agree to be friends with W she's mad and is in turn having such a short fuse with me /trying to make my life difficult. W is just mean and I feel like at my throat all the time. Makes me wonder how in the heck is a R supposed to happen with a person like That?! I know for a fact there is no R in my near future, I cannot and will not put up with her. I really feel W is unstable. This DB is no joke, the road is long. Until W see's I'm not the problem and stops attacking? (maybe I need a diff word) there will be no R. W's guard is too high up. I wonder how I can start to get through those walls. validation doesn't do much, connecting through yes (like the book) doesn't do much. doing everything "Right" doesn't do much (she always finds something wrong) I don't know. I wish the road was a little clearer but It seems like we've destroyed the road.
busy GAL day tomorrow. peach festival 9-1230 with a couple of co workers then Beer festival 1pm-5pm with a friend (it's downtown so I'm sure I'll find something after the festival) It's going to be a good day!
