Ribeye + Fries? You can do better than that as a last meal FG!
It's amazing how much kids absorb. My D, and it sounds like your S, both sense that something is wrong, even if they don't know exactly what. It'll be interesting to see what your W wants to tell him is the reason.
No mind reading though. Who knows what else may come out of any conversation around it. Not something worthwhile to dwell on.
Stay strong brother, and let's find you a better last meal!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Yesterday FB gave me one of those blasts-from-the-past photos, showing our family when S8 was born. I felt like I was looking at us in a parallel universe, a W whose warmth and beauty I could no longer recognize. She was beautiful to me because she was so warm.
ForGump,
I know what you mean; I always thought my wife was the most beautiful woman on earth. I never noticed the fuzzy chin, hairy legs and bushy armpits. I didn't realize she had missing teeth and warts on her nose. And her gravelly voice, that paired so well with the smokey undertones of her bacon and broccoli breath, has become a Willie Nelson twang. I don't think she'll ever be the same woman again.
I have been afflicted by AndrewP's predilection for mind reading. My brain is buzzing -- not from my doubleshot espresso this morning -- but from the fear of a mini- or midsized-BD.
Hey! I resemble that comment!
Where I am is a "no fault" area as well BUT if you read the forms carefully where I live there are still clauses here for grounds of infidelity or abuse. They are intended to protect people like us and people who get just straight physical or mental abuse without the "other". No doubt your jurisdiction has something similar. Google "abused spouse [my state] divorce form" perhaps.
On move-out day seeing those forms filled out and me handing her my L's card scared the crap out of WW. I filled out the forms myself and got extra cards after my single meeting with the L. I did NOT let her keep the forms (she tried to grab them and searched for them later) but I certainly let her read the explanation I wrote for why I felt that there was infidelity and abuse. I let her keep the cards because I felt that the firm I had picked for that single meeting was one of the top ones in our area for divorce. She had that card for her meeting with her L the next week who had been recommended by the L who does our real-estate stuff (didn't do any research).
Know your rights and make sure you are driving the bus where you want it to go. For me - if WW decides to go to OM, he can have her and the D will go through in a matter of weeks. She can't contest the infidelity - I have accumulated evidence and could theoretically subpoena OM just by naming him in the document.
If you have your forms filled out right and it's not contested it's my understanding that the L and the judge will just rubber-stamp them. From talking to a friend who made all the classic mistakes in his own D as well - the rules around support and custody go right out the window when there's infidelity and even better, financial shenanigans involved. Keep in mind though - this legal advice is coming from another country, not from a lawyer and is probably worth the cookies that doodler keeps promising but never seem to arrive.
If you know anyone who has gone through a messy D that you can trust you may want to talk to them about everything that could go wrong and how to protect yourself. It's helped me and made me more confident.
P.S. - it's a great group of sufferers we have here right now - feels like talking to brothers (and sisters). A lot of pain, sadness, and anger but camaraderie and humour too.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Know your rights and make sure you are driving the bus where you want it to go.
Good advice, thanks. Exactly the same advice my IC gave (because she feels I've been a doormat and a cake baker).
I did double check and confirm that infidelity is simply not considered where I am, and there is no separate D form for it.
I just wanna say... Brigitte Bardot!
"Now the reason we're here As man and woman Is to love each other Take care of each other When love walks in the room Everybody stand up Oh it's good, good, good Like brigitte bardot" -- The Pretenders
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Hang in there gump. Our situtuations are so so similar. I'd also go for the ribeye...
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Yesterday we went on a big outdoor trip I organized w/ other families. WW chose to come, and en route treated me w/ contempt but once we met up w/ other families, she was very cheerful and even complimentary toward me. Over all great day -- just the simple pleasure of watching my kids and other kids running, laughing and playing in the sunshine just makes my heart feel full.
Today, the temperature I sense from my WW is back down to near normal levels: cool and distant, although there were a few moments at dinner when she engaged me in a slightly warm chatter.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Your last post just made me think more about how much this whole thing stinks. It's like everything in reverse you do something with your W and it feels great like you are a family and it's good, how it use to be even.
I have to look at everything in reverse now and re train my brain. If my W is around and we are having fun and it all feels "nice" I know I am slipping in achieving my goals. The fact that this can be the case makes me sick but it is what it is. She still has the OM and I don't want scraps so as much as she is a very willing participant in having fun as a family she can't be allowed to have that.
Damn WWs trying to eat cake all day everyday. I hope you are going well Gump I'm now almost 8 months since she moved out and it has been a long and winding road but I feel as if I am steering the car now and it feels good.
Stay strong
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
