Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...too

[Phoebe]

So, I have had an incredibly over-busy kind of week, which is not very surprising for me these days.

Here's my last thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2694802&page=1

Maybe at some point I'll summarize things again, but here's my first thread, in case anyone wants to see what a train wreck I was early on in this whole journey. I've come quite a long way in the meantime, the rope is dropped, there's been no contact with WH since April. There are various legal things slowly churning below the surface, but it is early days for that process despite the fact that WH filed some long time ago.

First thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2650649&page=1

Anywho, It's been a crazy week. I hiked a great trail with waterfalls and played in the water, I FINALLY finished my financial paperwork (WAHOO!!!), and today I spent the entire day on a scenic railroad excursion and walking around a quaint mountain town with my Mom and Aunt. Earlier in the week I biked, I rode along on a boat while a friend water-skied, I walked in a park, I went swimming, I had dinners out with friends, I had yet another brush with some aggressive process servers, and tomorrow I am getting together with R-friend again (who seems to have seen the light that she may have gone a bit overboard when she sent me that Dear John-type email). Monday I saw my therapist and Tuesday evening I went to a beekeeper's meeting/picnic with a woman I have known for years and recently reconnected with and volunteered to staff the beekeepers' booth with her at the local fair later this month. Wednesday night I went to another BAN meeting. I've been in contact with my local lawyer and spent plenty of time with my l-friend. Yesterday I visited with a couple of other women I've known for a long time, too. They dropped by to visit, and I was happy to see them.

Soooooo... altogether it's been bit too much, but I've had lots of contact with lots of terrific people - parents, neighbors, old friends, new friends, people with similar interests and hobbies, and I even found time to do a whole lot of ugly paperwork and still care for all of my funny critters. AND I have definitely decided to get my own bees going in the spring, so I'm gong to be doing a lot of learning int he meanwhile and going to more bee meetings. Another thing in my life that has NOTHING to do with WH. I like that.

Now I just need a long nap.

I just want to sit home for a while now, but tomorrow is not going to be the day for that quite yet. I am meeting R-friend of lunch, and then I am going to try to get in to see my GP because I have been feeling ill in strange ways lately and am worried that I may have gotten Lyme disease again. (Yeah.) I found a strange solid, non-raised red rash on Tuesday that has since almost gone away, but one I had no idea that I even had, nor how long it might have been there - it didn't burn, itch, hurt, anything whatsoever. It was very strange and dark and I found it incidentally. i was dumb and put steroid cream on it...

Today while I was busy with my train adventure, I felt like I had a fever, had a vague headache, and my neck and the skin on my entire thorax felt bruised. I had to ask my mom and aunt if we could just sit down somewhere for a little while. My throat feels strangely tender, but not sore. Actually, I feel kind of vaguely sore all over the place, and joints in my fingers are acting up. I've been having weird symptoms for about 3 weeks now. They're not drastic, but a bunch of small things that have my spider-senses on alert, including severe night sweats 3-5 nights per week. Maybe that's due to the Prozac, or maybe it's something else. I hate to add any more events to my schedule, but it's probably time to get this checked out. I want to talk to my doc about tapering my ADs anyway, so I have another reason to go in.

Beyond that, nothing much to report in the legal department. I still have yet to be served, despite the best efforts of a pair of real jerks two nights ago. I came home from my bee-keeper's meeting and stopped by my parents house to chat. I parked my car at my sleeping quarters and headed over to my parents' house. Not 5 minutes after I got there, my mom sees two guys with big flashlights poking around the dark guest house, walking around the back and up the outdoor attic stairs. It was 10 pm and they were super aggressive. My dad went out to see who they were and they demanded to know where I was, and that they had a court order to give me. Blah, blah. My father told them that he couldn't help them and forbid them from being on his property. They went the attitude route and asked him "or what?" Told him to go right ahead and call the police. What jerks!

When I got my WH served in the other state, I gave the servers written permission to be on my property in order to do their job. These guys had no such permission, as my parents are the house owners, NOT my WH, yet they were acting like they owned the damn place, shining lights all over and walking around behind the house. My dad was not pleased. I just so happened to not be in the guest house at that time, so I got lucky once again. At this point my l-friend is telling me to avoid being served as long as possible. WH's response clock is ticking rapidly toward his deadline, whereas mine has yet to even start. I am in a stronger position. Of course, WH's L has made no contact overtures after that one time almost 3 weeks ago now right after he was served. Ugh. Th peace is glacial.

Anyway, I need to hit the hay here, and PDQ. I hope to get some more journaling done here soon. Good night everyone!

[Cherry]

You have come along leaps and bounds since you first arrived here. It's so admirable all you do. I love hearing about your fun filled days. Just make sure you don't do too much and burn yourself out.

Glad you are seeing your dr. Your health is absolutely the most important thing. I hope that he gets to the bottom of it all and you start to feel better

[JksD]

Phoebe, you have always been a very calm and assured voice, even when you first arrived.

Well, now it would seem that you're even more so.

Hope you'll find that elusive good rest today.

[Phoebe]

Thank you Cherry and Grl for checking in on me and for the advice. I definitely need to slow down a bit, and I was debating calling my doctor (again), but you are right. I'll go make that phone call.

No rest day in sight quite yet, but I did get 7.5 hours of sleep and I've just been chilling g out for the last few hours, so a partial rest day, perhaps.

Time to go do my critter chores, then lunch with R-friend, run some errands, then probably biking or maybe even a movie. Who knows? I'm letting the later half of the day evolve.

I hope everyone has a good one today!

[Phoebe]

Well, its been a while, hasn't it? I've been busy, and that's about all I have to report.

SH, I did watch the TED talk you recommended, about the person we really need to marry. It was a good talk, though I wish she'd gone into more depth somehow. I guess I was left with more questions than anything else. What does that look like, what does it really mean?

I have to go back to work on my financial statement revisions for my lawyer (it's unending), and I'm not feeling terrible well lately, yet can't seem to get in to see my doctor. I'm more than a bit frustrated about it, actually, as I am feeling a bit worse every day. I am about to give up on seeing my GP and try to see if my rheumatologist can get me in. Finger crossed that i can see someone before the end of next week.

Hope everyone is dong well. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to reach out to anyone this week. Things are just a bit off around here.

[Painter]

Hi Phoebe, I was just thinking about you before you posted!

Can you go to the urgent care? If you got a tick infection you should get started on antibiotics (and probiotics) asap.

It's good you're staying busy. Sorry you have to deal with the financials. I had full control over ours so it made it easy.

I'm on a short vacation on my son so got to get going. I hope you get treatment soon!

[Phoebe]

Well, I managed to get in to see an NP at my rheumatologist's office, and I have plenty of bloodwork pending and was started on a 3 week course of doxycycline for a presumptive Lyme disease infection. Yeah. This is my second go-round with this lovely little bacteria, and I am no fan whatsoever.

So. i just took my first doxy dose, and I am hoping for good things beers I am feeling pretty crummy right now. I did get dragged out on a bike ride with L-friend for about an hour. I was tired, but time spent outdoors is hard to complain about. When we had some dinner and I headed home.

Tomorrow I would like to ice skate, but I am too exhausted and messed up. I really miss skating...

I'm too tired to type any more or do anything else. Good night everyone.

[SH_]

SH, I did watch the TED talk you recommended, about the person we really need to marry. It was a good talk, though I wish she'd gone into more depth somehow. I guess I was left with more questions than anything else. What does that look like, what does it really mean?
.

Good morning Phoebe!

Google the speakers name. You will find the source of additional details to clarify her message for you.
The point I took from it, is that we need to be on track with ourselves first.
Many LBS struggle because of codependency on the way the WAS has made us feel and is making us feel
I see many of the LBS fretting more over their own personal emotions of loneliness , self doubt, self esteem, etc., than the feeling and needs of their partners.
Many are seeking companionship as soon as possible to ease their pain.

We need to be okay being alone and loving ourself first. Idk that there is a specific way to do this, but I read frequently from successful folks that we need to be good with ourself first before we can be good in a relationship and other aspects of success.

Anyway, I hope you look further into this and share/discuss this with me further as I am working on this.

I hope you feel better, and please take care as the physical ailments can add weight to the emotional state if not cared for.

Maybe this is a higher power stepping in and getting you to slow down a bit.

I miss our daily chit chats.
Hopefully we can organize our chaos a bit to fit time in to do so as I think we still have a ways to go on our journey.
You are one of my biggest supports and inspirations here.

Be well today and take care.

[Phoebe]

I am so happy to see you again, Sparrow Hawk! We've both kind of gone missing, haven't we? I've been missing you!

I must not be looking in the right places, because when I look up the speaker, I seem to only be finding her web site which wants me to buy her book(s). I'm not sure that is what I'm looking for, based on what you mentioned. I was hoping to find a couple articles she wrote or a blog or something. I'll have to keep looking.

I absolutely agree that we need to be good with ourselves before we can be good for others. I know I jumped the gun on that one, but it is what is. Another bell that can't be unrung.

I agree that we both have a long ways yet to go on this journey, and I know that I, for one, could definitely use a friend along the way, so I hope that you'll stick around, and I'll try to control my chaos a bit better, too, so I can check in a bit more regularly, too.

I am working on my physical well-being, but not feeling any better today. I was so tired out that I actually slept 10 hours last night. (Amazing) Today I have a low-grade fever, too. I shouldn't expect much from only 2 doses of the antibiotics, I know.

I am experiencing the higher power of bacteria...

Today I rigged up a small pen so that my younger chickens can finally have a little time out in the real world, eating grass and scratching around for bugs, and enjoying some time to stretch their wings. Poor things - they had to watch the big birds wander all over the place, and, until today, they've never touched a blade of grass that I didn't pick for them and toss in their coop. Now they're officially teenagers, and they have a slightly larger world. : )

I'm betting they'll totally freak out this evening when I try to gather them back into their coop!

[SH_]

Hello Phoebe,

The book will be the details you seek.

The bell may not be able to be unrung, but there is always the opportunity to correct course.
I am planning to share updates this weekend on the good, the bad and the ugly.
I must organize myself.
I am simply surviving and that is not good enough.
I deserve better.
I desire better.
I can have better.
I will make better.

I do hope you feel better soon and that you can purge the bug.
Ahh, I do love to hear of your nature updates and the progress of your chicks.

Sleep well my dear Phoebe.
I look forward to our onward and upward journey.