Had a great evening last night, went out for dinner with my neighbors, kind of spontaneously. It was fun! worked today and then off to a dinner party tonight. I love the socializing on Fri & Sat nights....that's new for me on my own.
Kind of hate leaving the dog so much....but he gets extra walks now and again.
I leave tomorrow afternoon for my Mission trip to So Carolina. I am really looking forward to it. It might help me put my life in perspective....being with abondoned kids....that have never had a family. Maybe we should all remember that there are many worse off than all of us with our heartbreaks here on the BB. At least we have known real love, many of us have loving children....so much to be thankful for, really!!
Wishing all of you a good week, and am hopeful you have some moments each day when you see the good in your life. When you feel you are on track and reaching out to those around you.
Have fun on your mission trip and enjoy the fulfillment of giving of yourself to others!
Your new thread has me completely inspired.
Quote: I think being busy, active, filling up my life, re-evaluating what "I want outta life" and being mysterious is where I am going. Not be too available..and of course not at all NEEDY. Well, that's all for now. I am feeling strong inside, no matter how this works out....this MOOKA is on a roll and making each day better for herself, than before.
OK. I am coming with you. This is exactly where I want to go too. I've been there before and it's a great place. So here's to all of us heading there, Mooka!
I'm Back! Just got home about an hour ago. What a trip...what an adventure of the spirit. These kids (5-16 yr olds) have sooooo much love to share. They have been so rejected, so many times....not to mention seen more than probably many of us have seen in their short little lives....and yet so full of love. They have compassion and a way that tugged at my heartstrings. Really gotta admit, it put things in perspective for me, that's for sure. Was very tempted to bring a few home to live with me...but really knew better. Hard saying good-bye to those loving little spirits.
Can you tell, I had a great week?
Had some good bonding wtih the other women on the trip, too. 2 going through similiar R issues....one Dd and one soon to be Dd. Recommended this resource and we had long talks. That, too was so good for me.
Haven't heard from H, but he did stop by last Sun for a couple hours just before I left. We talked some....he said he is glad he is forcing himself on this search, and that this sep (tho he was uncertain at first), now he is sure it was the right decision....to help him face himself ...didn't know quite how to take that...so I just nodded and said "good>" I thought about saying, yes this has been good for me too....but it seemed like it would be a put on....not real. He always asks how I am doing. I respond....actually, am doing pretty well. I'm getting out a lot, keeping pretty busy, and feeling pretty strong with my independence. I had also copied H on an email that I sent my d....just catching her up on my weeks, etc. I was cheerful, sharing that I was socializing more, getting out to new restaurants with old and new friends, etc. Then I went on to share general "Mom stuff"....
H said he recieved the copy and appreciated it. We had agreed a while back to share all email/communication stuff with our kids, with each other. So...he will occaisionally hear about me...in general...through my d emails. I will have to think carefully....to add some upbeat, mysterious stuff.
Glad you had a good time. We could all do with regular reminders of how other people are coping with bad/worse situations to put ours in perspective.
Also it's good to be giving, and looking outwards, as a break from the continual introspection and navel gazing that we can get caught up in over here!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Hey...glad you had a great time..it is rewarding. You sound so strong...doesn't it feel great? To have control of ourselves and actions is a must..I am still not sure I believe that you should make h wonder about any mfs..to me that is playing with fire..if they are truly jsut friends then go for it, but don't try to make h wonder.
Just wanted to rant a lttle...air some stuff out that I keep churning on.
Yes, for the most part, I am strong, and I appreciate allof your encouraging feedback. Yes my spiritual stuff really is helping, I think. something I HAVE to focus on each and every morning to get my mind straight. It does seem to work for me. God is by my side.
But in total honesty....I still ache inside about my sitch. I have loving dreams about H....wake up and realize the truth...then fall back asleep and have sad dreams about H and our sitch. Obvioiusly....I release some of this stress in my sleep. I do sleep relavtively good, tho. Get my 7-8 hrs most nights. Gotta like that.
The one thing that has been bugging me this week...is the fact that H mentioned last Sun he was going on a vacation and wouldn't probably be in touch until after I get back from my trip to see my Mom and friends (Apr 15-22)...OF COURSE HE HAD ASKED ME WHEN i WAS GOING. In good DBing style, I did NOT ask anything about his plans, timeline, etc. I just said..."sure we can catch up then." Of course my mind races on that....why be secret? OW involved??? Probably.
Then I think...."whatever....he is on his own search....he has to live with his choice.....I will not pursue, I will NOT appear needly...." I somehow convince myself...I AM taking the HIGHER road....and then am able to generally let it go.
Well....last night S comes home from college...all warm and sweet. We catch up, have dinner....hang. Then he asks me where Dad is? I say, I don't really know. He looks at me puzzled. Why wouldn't Dad tell you? I said, "I didn't ask...then I went off to my Mission trip." He says, "when I asked Dad he just avoided specifics....said "I don't know...just taking some time off and playing it by ear." S shakes his head at me....I try my hardest, to ask nonchalant....(churning inside) Hs secrets affect all of us in this family. His evasiveness is his main talent.
So, that's my rant. Just needed to write it here....get it off my chest. Plan to have a nice week-end with S. D called last night, too. Wanted to hear all about my trip. I have got the warmest, most loving kids. I am soooo lucky in that respect.
Thanks for letting me go on and on. Gottat get my head back straight, before S wakes up.
Maybe we should all remember that there are many worse off than all of us with our heartbreaks here on the BB. At least we have known real love, many of us have loving children....so much to be thankful for, really!!
