Thanks, Grl. I trudge along. There are still ups and downs. I dropped my older two kids and Mr. P at the airport yesterday, so I'm alone again for another week. I went out with a guy for drinks last night, he was nice enough, but seems to still be a little unsettled after his divorce two years ago. The weekend is coming up, I don't have any particular plans but know I can fill it with friends if I want. I'm feeling a little like I'm off track, just wandering. I know that when my D13 gets back and school starts again, that feeling will go away, she'll be my purpose, but right now it's a little odd. I need to think about some things this week, need to made some decisions about what to let go of, what to focus on, how to create the life I want instead of just letting life happen. It's a process.
Wandering is not always a bad thing. It's more like discovering. It can feel a bit unsettling, but uncomfortable is what we need sometimes.
Letting life happen is good. With a goal in mind. it definitely is a process.
Thank you, Ginger. Truth is, I'm just down about a few things today. This vacation that I'm not on, a friend has suddenly backed off with no explanation, no guy I've gone out with is even coming close to what I had with MyNica. It's all disappointing today. I feel like I need to regroup and reevaluate. Or maybe just wander a little longer. I don't know, wandering is foreign to me, you are right about it being uncomfortable. Not sure where to go from here.
Hi Sunny, sorry you're having a low day. It's disappointing to be let down by someone for sure....and know that you will likely feel more upbeat in a day or two.
A couple of thoughts from me, if these are helpful...
Firstly, sometimes it is good just to self-care until we feel a little stronger and not worry about where we are going.
Secondly (and the opposite really!) I have found it helpful to have a pretty little notebook with some goals in. I'm a bit of a lazy goal setter and would find it hard to sit and make a list. But my notebook is much more organic. When I think of a goal, I give it a new page. When I think of a step towards that goal, I add it underneath on the page and I note down steps I have taken. Sometimes if I feel a little lacking in focus, I get out my notebook and flick through the 15 or so goals I have in there - jotting down next steps, and ticking off too...
It seems to work for me....goal setting in a lazy and sporadic way - but there to revisit whenever I want to...
Anyway, know that things will look up soon and take care in the meantime - do reach out to friends for company too if you feel like it.
(((Sunny))) xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
(((Sunny))) You have always been strong and gracious. I suppose this pondering and regrouping part is part of our journey and I have no doubt you'll get to where younwant to be.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Awe, sunny, I'm sorry you were feeling down.i understand exactly what you are saying. You'll figure it out, and things will happen on their own time and I a, sure they will be sweeter than ever
It's all disappointing today. I feel like I need to regroup and reevaluate. Or maybe just wander a little longer. wink I don't know, wandering is foreign to me, you are right about it being uncomfortable. Not sure where to go from here.
Oh, yeah. So here's something I don't know if I mentioned to you awhile back. The first few years on this BB, I had (and still have) a circle of really awesome, kick ass women friends. We held each other accountable for transforming ourselves. We don't have to do that anymore... we just cheer each other on. But way back when, one of them coined this situation as "time to sit on the discomfort sofa". You know... the one that is lumpy, has no support and is just generally uncomfortable but you're stuck there because you don't have anywhere else to go?
The discomfort sofa is meant to be uncomfortable. Time to go inside and figure things out. It's a time out to evaluate and plan. And the moment you have one, you'll jump off that couch and things won't seem so desolate again. I can promise you that I've learned to embrace that damned sofa. It's my friend. But it's really not fun, and I don't relish finding myself needing it. You'd think at the age of 54 I'd not need it anymore, but that is less than truthful. I spent some time on it June and July this year. I'm sure a great deal of it was because my D22 had moved to MA and all of a sudden, it became clear that I needed a real plan. Not a filler plan or someone else's plan. MY plan.
So don't wander. Sit your ass on that sofa and figure it out. Don't get up and wander until you have a plan. Even if it's a daily plan. You can always come back to the lumpy sofa.
Hugs! Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
What is the discomfort sofa telling you? What types of buried pain are inside your body? What are they trying to communicate to you? If you sit still on the discomfort chair without fidgeting, the revealed answers just may surprise you.
The most important thing is to be real gentle with yourself as you sit on the sofa. Try to suspend judgments or any types of assumptions.
That is if you're ready for the inward journey into Sunny. It is not for everyone and that's okay.
But way back when, one of them coined this situation as "time to sit on the discomfort sofa". You know... the one that is lumpy, has no support and is just generally uncomfortable but you're stuck there because you don't have anywhere else to go?
So don't wander. Sit your ass on that sofa and figure it out. Don't get up and wander until you have a plan. Even if it's a daily plan. You can always come back to the lumpy sofa
Originally Posted By: Wonka
What is the discomfort sofa telling you? What types of buried pain are inside your body? What are they trying to communicate to you? If you sit still on the discomfort chair without fidgeting, the revealed answers just may surprise you.
Betsey and Wonka, thanks for the introduction to the discomfort sofa. I love the mental image.
It's really no surprise that I don't know what I"m doing, considering how much my life has changed in two years. I was so immersed in my family, in my husband, in my children, in my church/job/school. Most of that has been stripped away and I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel stable, I do have a job, although not a terribly exciting one, I do have one child at home who needs me, I do have friends and a social life, but yet..... I really don't know what's missing here. I'd love to be able to hear some sort of answer, to figure this out, to be excited about something again. I'm not sure how to do that. Wonka, is there any process you have found helpful?
I've given some thought as to what I want out of life and made some long-term goals of sorts. I've broken those things down into more manageable pieces and thought of some specific actions I can take. This week I've made a daily list of things to accomplish, boxes to be checked off. I don't know that I"ll be happy ticking little boxes forever, but the way I tied them into something larger gives me a sense of purpose to some extent. That helps.
There are two other things going on that may or may not be affecting my outlook. One is that I'm still unhappy without MyNica, enough said about that. The other is that a friend I have known a couple of years but grown quite close to in the past few months just dropped me out of the blue. I asked him to explain what was going on, told him I was hurt. He didn't explain, didn't acknowledge my hurt, certainly didn't apologize, just cut off all contact. Why do people handle it that way, what's so hard about an honest conversation? How could someone who knows how hard BD was just do essentially the same thing? It makes me spin, and makes me wonder how many more times in my life someone is going to pull that on me.
My kids all come back tomorrow night, the older two will leave back to college on Friday. D13 starts school Monday so the weekend will be busy getting her prepared for that. I have an outing with friends planned on Saturday. All good, all normal. But I'll take some time out to sit on the couch.
I don't know, wandering is foreign to me, you are right about it being uncomfortable. Not sure where to go from here.