All newbies or anybody struggling please read

[Uphill]

Oh, I forgot to mention her tone. It wasn't angry or loud at all. It was a sobbing voice which I know means nothing but just wanted to add that so you know it wasn't screaming and yelling

[albac]

Great work Uphill, I don't know what I would do in your place but you have a lot to think about.

One quick question, is she seeing anyone at the moment? Or had she been seeing someone until recently?

[sandi2]

heard her sniffle a few times and glanced out of the corner of my eye. Went about playing with the kiddo. I heard it getting louder so I used a go to bailout excuse. That is when she said about getting home to the girlfriend.

It sounds as if she was trying to get you to notice she was crying........and to ask her what was wrong. Another female tactic, but maybe I have her all wrong.

If you don't recall anything she said that could have been hints, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she did give "hints", I think it would b/c she wanted you to pursue her, and then she would not have to humble herself and do what she needs to do. That's not how things should work. She should seek your forgiveness and express remorse straightforwardly, and with humility.

Like I said, hearing the news about the girlfriend is what prompt her to have this little talk.

Btw, you handled it perfectly on your end........except maybe for that statement you made on the end, which gave her reassurence. Not sure how you left things, but otherwise you seemed to have done well. I want to leave you with a tip that I have about her saying it's too late and you are moving on, etc. Don't fall for these types of remarks! You LBH's are way too quick to want to assure the WW that she still stands a good chance with you. Don't you get it? She needs to think you aren't eager, or even very interested. Otherwise, you will find yourself being dumped again and again. For gosh sakes guys, play a little harder to get with the gal who broke your heart and the stomped on it.

So, whenever the next chat takes place, please don't offer these type of statements, and do not bail her out, okay? Lean back and see what she has to say, before opening your big mouth. Be the cool guy who was ignoring her sniffles and putting all his attention on playing with his son. That guy was more attractive and harder to get. At least, be a challenge for her.

[Uphill]

Awesome advice sandi! And yes that was the plan for Saturday. Just sit back and listen. See what she has to say about everything.

The hints were things I honestly took as jokes at the time. Early on in this I would have been jumping for joy if she had a bad day at work and said something about just running away together and starting over. My response a month or so ago was "life isn't that easy". Another was her asking me to go to an upcoming event for the kiddo. I said I wasn't even sure who's day it was because I didn't have a calendar in front of me. She replied that it's her night but I'm welcome to come (we had to get tickets). I said well yeah I'll come then, let me know how much it costs. I saw it as good coparenting because it's for his sports team. I never worried about who's day it was for his games, if he had one I went so I treated this the same. She claims it was a way to spend time together? Maybe? I didn't see that at the time though.

Honesty? Maybe? A tactic to make it look like she tried? Maybe? Only she knows for sure...

[Uphill]

I left the convo that I really had to get going. Then it came up if we could continue Saturday

[qt4x11]

wow what a story! gives us newbs hope!

Yeah this is an inspirational post. Thanks for coming back and posting this.

[Pax_luv]

Hi uphill,

It's really good to hear an update from you. I'm glad to hear that you are good personally. Re: your relationship(s)- sandi has given you sound advice. Best of luck to you when you do have the convo. It really is amazing to see how time has been a great gift to you. We're in your corner.

[Uphill]

Since I started posting again I'll offer up my daily update. Yesterday was for the most part quiet with XF. A few witty banter texts later in the evening but nothing much.

Due to everything going on, and my complete transparency with the new girl, she has decided to step into the shadows until I get my head wrapped around all of this. Surprisingly, that was like a weight lifted from my shoulders! We still talked throughout the night almost as we would have before but agreed that we shouldn't see each other or be serious at all until this is sorted out. Her main thing is she doesn't want to be the reason my family doesn't get back together, which I explained wouldn't be on her but it is great to hear she cares about more than just herself in all of this.

Hope all is well in DB land, I'll check in throughout the day.

[Uphill]

XF called a bit ago. Was about a half hour call about some stuff going on in her life. Like extremely secret type thing that cannot get out and I'm the one person she tells? I don't know if it's because of feeling comfortable with me because she knows I won't tell or trying to extend an olive branch my way? Prolly nothing but felt it was noteworthy due to the circumstances

[roist]

Hi uphill, welcome back. I wrote a long post to you yesterday but lost it.

I had 2 initial thoughts about your recent interactions.

1. I did not like the manner or wording from your W. It! As all about her IMO. I won't develope on that as you have the excellent sandi already posting. But some interactions are hard and none of us are super at all interactions. So it not being perfect is not really important. She is only human. Her sincerity or not will become apparent.

2. Saturdays chat is just that. You don't need to decide anything nnow or even say anything.You are in a good place. You do not need her so the onus is on her to win you back. Keep your cards close to your chest until you ate ready to play them.

Best wishes