Newbie - my story

[maybs]

Sorry if it wasn't clear in the original post. I've stopped using our joint account. My paycheck is deposited into a separate account I opened in just my name.

[hawker]

That is great maybeep....that is one thing I never wanted was joint accounts...I am a saver and my W is a spender hahaah so at least I don't have to worry about the financials....I am also the only one who has their name on the house!

[maybs]

That's a whole other issue for us. We just purchased our house in January. We would actually lose money if we sold it at this point so that doesn't make sense. And I know W doesn't want the house she likes living back in home town and commuting to work (why we didn't just stay there in the first place I'll never understand) and I actually want the house.

We are both on title but the mortgage is just in her name. I'm going to be meeting with my lawyer soon to discuss my options and see if we can get W to agree to something reasonable so we don't lose even more money in this D

[hawker]

Good idea on meeting with a L....You are wise for a 25 year old! Would you be able to afford it on your own if you refinance?

[maybs]

I can afford it. The only problem with refinancing is that I just started a new job this month. to have the "work experience" banks look for when you get a mortgage you have to have your job for (usually) at least 2 years. So I'm think about asking for a deferred sale for 24 months and at that point we can either sell and I'll move or I will refinance into my name and buy her out of her half of the down payment. At this point I don't even care if she pays half of the mortgage for that amount of time AS LONG AS there's a written portion of our agreement that states when we do sell it we get a proportion of the profit equal to our individual investment.

[maybs]

I should also include my new job is NOT related to my old field so my previous job history doesn't count as "work experience" in the bank world.

[maybs]

It is driving me a little bit crazy today. One of my good friends who is in a similar situation is also W friend and it upsets me a little bit that W is walking around talking to everyone who will listen about our "huge problems" but will not talk to the one person who is actually involved (me).

And I know it's a common characteristic for WW to not want to talk to their spouse about their marriage and quite frankly 98% of the time I don't want to talk to her about it either. But that 2% of the time. Drives me crazy. Just talk to everyone about it but the one person who could actually help you work on it.

I know I know she doesn't want to work on it right now. I get it I do. And I'm GAL and trying hard to detach more and more. But sometimes I wish she could talk rationally for 5 minutes.

Okay. I just had to vent because I'm trying really hard to remain dark and sometimes I just want to text her and be like WTF ARE YOU DOING!?!?! But I know it wouldn't help. It would actually hurt the situation more.

[cheesyt]

Lol- with you on the I wish I could text "wtf are you doing" crosses my mind like 20 times a day!
Sorry to hear about the D papers. She seems to be in a hurry.
Good job handling situation so far!
Stay strong!

[maybs]

Thank you! It's nice to hear someone things I'm handling myself. Yeah. My intuition is telling me she's trying to rush so she doesn't change her mind. And I've gotta say. My intuition is right 99% of the time.

I also am feeling some doubt. I am making these changes for myself I know it will be better for me in the long run but I can't say there isn't part of me that wishes she could see I'm changing. But how will she see that if she doesn't want to see or talk to me???

[Melo]

Hey Maybeep, the changes are for you not her so it doesn't matter if she sees them. You now have the time to focus on you, eventually you will get to a point that you won't care what she thinks and you will only care about you and what you think.