Hi NYGal! Wow! I have been absent from the forum for a while and missed all this good news you have! Huge congratulations to you, I'm so happy for you! You seem to be handling the situation brilliantly.
I too am re-reading DR for some hints on how to handle things when your WAS does a u-turn. My H announced at the weekend that he wants to try to work things out. I was totally floored and have no clue what to do, how to handle it or even how I truly feel! I will be keeping a close eye on your thread for tips!
Thanks for the reply - yes I'm very familiar with the lighthouse story and have it on my phone to remind me to read it regularly. I too am practicing kindness but with some boundaries. I'm even doing the odd "act of kindness" for W, but only when she asks - nothing unprompted for now as they generally go unrecognized or can be seen as pursuing.
I've been pretty good at limiting contact unless needed for finances/kids. She often reaches out to me at least once a day with something, either an update or a question - often times things she could have found herself.
I have my healthy boundaries, ie she sleeps in the guest bedroom when staying at the house, I need to be a little stronger on finances which is a discussion we'll have when she gets back, and she knows not to come by the house on the nights/weekends that aren't hers.
Congrats on the reconciliation - it's so great to hear stories where the S is returning to make things work, certainly gives me hope. I hope everything works out for both of you and you can have a happy life together! how long have you been together?
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
You give me some hope...I am also in a same sex marriage with a WW wife...I wish I would have found this site sooner because I have been in limbo since Feb....wife keeps going back and forth on what she wants...moved her clothes out in May but we still have kept in contact...I haven't done a good job of DBing but finally said that I can't be her friend if she is continuing to have a EA/PA with this other person...its tough...glad you hung in there!!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Pac, we've been together (with the 6 month or so hiatus) for almost 10 years.
Hawker, I sincerely hope things work out. I was lucky in that W chose to have an A with a straight W, and that didn't work out so good for either of them!
I'm familiar with the back and forth. Oh god, I'm sooooo familiar with it. It drove me crazy, but I do think it meant she wasn't done, and that gave me hope. Like PacLove says above, my W also would get in touch often about trivial things that she could easily have figured out for herself. The best was when she asked if she needed to shut off the water to the house because the temp was going below freezing and she wondered if the pipes would freeze! I'm 100% convinced it was temp checking (haha, no pun intended) -- to make sure I was still available should she change her mind. Eventually she did, and in my case I don't think there was much I could have done to speed up that process. I just tried my best to GAL and not mess up in my interactions with her too much. We all mess up. But the thing I kept trying to remember was that I wanted to be the person she'd be a fool to leave.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Haha your temp check made me laugh...Yes, the back and forth [censored]..I finally said I need to let you go because its not fair to me. So we will see what happens...I wish the other W was straight but she is not ...I forgot how long you went through your separation?? She temp checks me quite often...I am doing my best to GAL as well!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I forgot how long you went through your separation??
I got the ILYBINILWY on November 4th of last year. On November 3 I would have said, oh, we're fine -- a little distant, but no, she would never leave me! It went from EA to PA at some point between there and New Years Eve when they were together in a hotel -- how can I ever forget that? Grrrrr....
I was told on January 1st that I had to move out in two weeks. And so I did. Then in April she asked if we could talk -- specifically about our R. And that was the beginning of our reconciliation.
During that time of our separation we communicated on occasion. Maybe the longest dry spell was 10 days or something, maybe longer. It was hell.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hawker, I tried the "I have to let you go" thing, hoping that W would say No, NO, I love you best. Ha. Didn't happen. I had a serious anxiety attack and wailed like a madwoman after that. It was bad. But then we were back in touch within a week.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hahahah NYGal you sound like me...I thought the letting you go would shake her out of her fog...not so much...Ya it took 2 days after for us to get back in touch...lol....
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Seems like we have a lot in common. I hope you two find your way back together. I hope she realizes what a mistake this would be and how it impacts her legacy as someone who, I'm sure, is well respected.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
...I forgot how long you went through your separation?? She temp checks me quite often...I am doing my best to GAL as well!!