Sotto, that's a good update, you are feeling positive about your new social interactions and your job, and at least not negative about XH. Keep doing what you are doing, and let the passing time heal.
Hi Sotto. It's all sounding very positive and moving forwardish
Re XH, I think if you didn't wonder sometimes then it's wouldn't be normal
You can't have someone in your life for that period and just turn off feelings , you might add feelings , sadness , disappointment even hate but not just turn off those feelings
You know I admire how you deal with everything and I think Nice Guy might be a pleasant distraction if you choose.
Your posts are always upbeat but maybe adding a hint of romance might be good ?
Just my humble opinion and as we all know on here , I'm not the sharpest knife I the draw
Really positive update there Sotto! Maybe you should consider the senior role, it might be the right boost in confidence for you. It sounds like you are doing great, maybe you should even give the cute guy a little chance? Only if you ready of course!
Take care x
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Very positive attitude towards life Sotto, I can't tell you how much you are my hero😀. You are so strong yet so wise! I'm learning in my job tag if they don't feel you are up for a better position, they wouldn't offer it to you. Your boss obviously value you and think that you can do the job, so why not go for it!
It feels nice to see that there might be a love interest for you as you deserve it.
Ah, Sunny, RD, Esame and Rouky - you are all kind indeed & thank you for the moral support!
Well, I have been busy for sure! Out with a friend on Sunday and then working away last two days. Yesterday we had a big job to do and stayed until almost 8pm. It was fun and we had some good laughs over pizza whilst we finished the job off. Today I'm off and I just remembered I have a lunch date with a friend and then yoga tonight. Monday was salsa too....lots going on.
NG is moving house this week (into his newly purchasing place after renting for over 2 years) - we got him a new home card & colleagues signed it. Not seen him this week though. All quiet with XH too - tho I imagine a few things will crop up in coming weeks. He's off to the marital home this weekend to do some clearing out. Then his XW1 is going in weekend after that to take some stuff she wants (a bit unusual but I'm fine with that - I have any stuff I wanted now.)
I've been thinking lately that the door is really closed now from my end with XH. That's fine - but I do think about the fact that after BD we literally met once a month later and then nothing. Only a couple of phone calls since and everything else by email. It wasn't a great ending to the M and I worry about there being a big unsealed wound there. Do we just not do anything to 'close things down' if you get my meaning? Do we not meet at some point and have some kind of 'forgiveness' conversation? Fact is, I wouldn't want to meet him (and certainly not OW) at events going forward - and I probably wouldn't need to unless I'm invited to a big event for SS (graduation, wedding etc)...but does it then remain an unhealed rift with someone who was important in my life?
Other than this I'm doing okay. I heard from our mutual friend this week with the bad news that she has been diagnosed with cancer. It looks like it is in the early stages but she will know more after an appointment this week. I'm not sure if XH knows, but I will leave her to tell him if she wants to. He hasn't really been keeping in touch with her and it is a shame because I think she tried to be a good friend to both of us when BD happened.
Reflecting, I have been the one in our lives who kept in touch with people....even XH's family. From what I hear, he isn't doing much keeping in touch with anyone and is very much into his new city life & OW etc. Then he wonders why he feels empty and a disconnect. Fact is you do get back what you give out. But anyway, that's on him...
Other than this, I'm doing fine. Going to prod the house stuff a little today and make sure everything is moving as I'm due to be out of the flat in four weeks - eek!
Thanks for reading xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, glad to hear you're busy and have loads going on. I understand what you're saying about how things were left with XH. If you'd agreed to remain friends do you think you could be in his and OW's company at events? It could be that it's awkward the first time then it just becomes the new normal. I don't think I could do it though. Maybe if there was another OW further down the line I would be more accepting.
Sorry to hear of your friend's diagnosis, hopefully it will be treated early enough and she will be okay.
Thank you so much for taking the time to offer your advice to me on my thread it is so kind of you and I take it all on board!
Take care xx
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Hi love, so sorry about your friend's health news. You are doing quite well however, and I get what you're asking about the closure. You know, you don't need H to have that. You can do your own private work on closure by meditating and inviting his higher self in to then say whatever you feel needs to be said/completed between you. Just a thought I'd like to offer up in case you may find it helpful.
xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
The forgiveness comes from inside. I never ever had a forgiveness convo with my ex. I just came to a place where I forgave him to free my heart. So I could see him and OW and not feel all those awful negative angry feelings. It doesn't need to be discussed. It just needs to be something you do for yourself.
I'm not sure how the forgiveness thing would work, I really don't know what would be a good way to get closure. It must be such a strange situation to be in. I was eating something around D the other day (not sure where or what) and the writer was saying how odd a time it is. When you get married you want everyone to know, you invite people to celebrate with you, it is the beginning of a new life. What about when you divorce though? What then? Sorry I have no answers, I just found it interesting.
I am sorry about your friend's diagnosis, I hope everything goes well for her, and she recovers gully!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
