Very nice, you stayed strong. Lol what does it say about me that I felt jealous your wife came to you wanting to have some type of relationship talk? But ... Very nice man, you're doing jus what you should be doing.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Thanks both of you. Doodler, I wouldn't be where I am without your outstanding advice. Don't sell yourself short! And trust me. I've highly considered your "step 2", but I'm saving it for after the D is final (I can't keep being hopeful it won't be final), and right before I expose the A to his wife, family, friends, and work. So not only is his A exposed, marriage in shambles, on the verge of being fired, but also, black eyes and bruises to show for it. Haha.
Qt4, I understand your jealousy, and a few weeks ago (before the D was filed), I woulda given anything to have R Talk with my W, and each time I did, I was chewed up and spit back out all over myself. If you followed others posting on my thread, I'd have to agree that she is feeling like she pulled the trigger too soon, out of peer pressure, making a "threat", or whatever reasons, and now she's wanting to reassure her decision by forcing me into a "talk" (aka WW term for picking a fight to confirm her disbelief that she made the right/wrong decision.
Not gonna lie, it's promising she "wants to talk" to me, emotionally, but mentally, my brain is reminding me that it's not for the right reasons.
I believe trumpet or ciluzen told me, "you'll know the difference" when she decides not to just talk about MR, but instead changes focus and gets on board with choosing me as a future mate. I may regret in the future if I'm DBing so damn hard like a boss, that I miss that cchange, but, I'm changing for the future too. If I do miss it, it's probably because I'm not wanting it anymore... Uh oh.
Do you think if she REALLY wanted to restart your marriage that you would only get one "sign"? How many times did you beg and plead with her when she first started talking about separating?
Sometimes I think there's so much mental agonizing involved in the BD process that it would be easier just to let it all go. But there's this thing about love, and some people also have kids.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Do you think if she REALLY wanted to restart your marriage that you would only get one "sign"? How many times did you beg and plead with her when she first started talking about separating?
ummm, just once... <looks around conspicuously> I'm assuming because of my previous comments, your asking rhetorically... But while emotions feel like I'm missing on opportunity, I understand that I am not.
Have I mentioned how much I'm enjoying my new motorcycle? If WW ever does have a place in my future, she'll have to get on board the fact that I'm now someone who rides them.
The fact that I'm feeling tired at night again, while makes me think I'm getting old, is quite welcoming and pleasant. I wasn't getting near enough sleep during the stress induced times of my MR problems... Somehow, after receiving papers. I've slept pretty well. Why is that? I couldn't sleep a lick before last week!
W brought dogs back home this morning. I had just got home from the night before, and came home to cut grass before Temps got high. She was friendly, as was I. She didn't ask many questions either. Nothing R related.
I had my shirt off and she still says she doesn't find me attractive, but I found it somewhat funny that when she noticed the single mom two doors down also out yard working in skimpy shorts, she "offered" to get me a shirt so I don't get burned up. What!? Haha. Anyways...
So there hasn't been any MR talk. Anniversary is next weekend. The D is filed. I don't know what to think about the anniversary coming up. I'm was debating myself on whether or not to do anything, primarily, I was thinking about writing a "thank you" letter. Not convincing, not manipulative, not trying to chance her mind, but seriously just a thank you for xyz, the past 7 years, the experiences (while staying very vague), the time, and perhaps, becoming one of my greatest teachers I'd never ask for.
I'm not sure if this is a good or bad idea, but I'm really not trying to "win her back", to me... she's not coming back and if she does... I get my part of the decision anyways. I honestly thinks its a good idea, just because I'd like to do it not just for her, but for me as well. It would be a form of closure for me, but I'm just not sure if it's too soon or not, as the D isn't final, anniversary letter, or should it wait until after the D? Or should it never happen? Help me out folks.
Absolutely not!!!! Your wife filed for a divorce. There will be no anniversary gift, letter, card or anything!!! Glad you posted this here so we could all blast you with a 2x4 It wont be easy. That date holds some meaning and emotions in your life. But now it is just a date. Feel it, experience it, but whatever you do, do not act on it!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
