Listen to Sadhub, especially regarding retaining a lawyer.
You will be paying your lawyer to protect your assets and custody rights, not help you reconcile. It is a good idea to get professional advice from a lawyer, but manage your expectations on how "marriage friendly" they are.
I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
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Hi SH, not much change here, trying to keep busy, and keep working!! Purchased the new DB downloads, which I guess cover what is in the book, it's all useful info, seems the best tip is proceed as though it is completely over, and if I am lucky she may come back, if not, I am further along the way to recovery.
I can sleep, and all the weight has gone back on within 3 months, keeping fit and kids doing well, so I guess I am where I should be in the process, the rest is all in the mind, and finding a way of switching off the negative, self blame, feeling sorry for myself thoughts, where are you in the process?
Survival is a good start. Recognizing you are not fully living is a useful awareness to have.
What are you going to do to improve the mental side of things?
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
IC and mindfulness coaching, exercise, I read a lot of DB posts, however, they can be quite depressing too, you have been waiting it out since 2014?? Have you dated in that time?
My W hasn't left so I guess I have been waiting it out!
I understand and there was a period I avoided reading new threads for that reason. If the distress outweighs the benefit stop reading here. Otherwise it is full of good people and helpful advice.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Martin check out the Ted Talk by Guy Winch. He speaks of emotional first aid, and it was huge help for me and understanding some ideas to apply to control the negative thoughts.
I am still in the process. I am doing much better than a couple of months ago, but still have a ways to go. I just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
I just watched a movie called Bridge of Spies 2 weekends ago, and there was a character that was an accused Russian spy back before WW2. Anyway when Tom Hanks character, the lawyer, was discussing things with him, the spy never seemed phased in spite of the evidence and potential bad outcomes for being convicted. Tom Hanks character would ask him on several occasions in the movie why he did not seem upset or worried. The Russian spy character always answered the same. Would it help?
This has become a motto for me and my d17 in those challenging moments when the mind wants to go to those dark places and cause worry and upset us. Does it help?
Meditation has also been a help for me.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
