I would still clear of any talk with W at the moment If she is there, just say, "I respect your decision. I don't think divorce is the solution. I will can continue to work in myself and I don't want to discuss this right now." If she pushes just ask her to respect your wishes. If she continues to push then do your very best to just walk away It's going to be hard But you know your emotions are at a volcanic level and nothing good will come from having a talk with her right now
Heed this advice it is very good. Do not mix emotions with divorce proceedings. View it as business and taking care of the family. It is much easier said than done I know, but the moment I got a hold of myself as that train started rolling, I felt more in control than when I let the emotions and words in the paperwork and even my first meeting with my L get to me. That first meeting with my L was so gross, but after I removed the emotion it has not been bad, cept the bill when it comes in, but that's a whole other story.
Hang in there brother. It sux, but you will survive it. Keep a level head.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Man i got mine via email also. 20 days to respond. I'm going the full 20 days.
yeah, 20 days it is. I don't think I'll base my timeline/signing entirely on that though. If I hold back, it may be seen as controlling/fighting the decision. I meet with my L on Wed of next week. I already fwd her all the paperwork I received, so I'll just take it as it comes and see how I'm feeling about it then.
Originally Posted By: cbtdad
I would still clear of any talk with W at the moment If she pushes just ask her to respect your wishes.
Thanks cbt. I know the drill, she's so dayum manipulative. I need to just keep my cool and execute. Execute what? I'm not entirely sure if my "plan" changes at this point or not. Right now, I'm thinking now, there is still plenty of time for me to do my own thing.
Originally Posted By: SH_
Heed this advice it is very good. Do not mix emotions with divorce proceedings. View it as business and taking care of the family. That first meeting with my L was so gross, but after I removed the emotion it has not been bad, cept the bill when it comes in, but that's a whole other story.
Hang in there brother. It sux, but you will survive it. Keep a level head.
I plan on taking that advice for sure. One thing about my sitch is no kids, so no custody battle nonsense. I would think I could keep our attorney costs under the retainer, as long as she doesn't try some crazy chit.
And you're right, it does suck. I've posted on this thread I don't know how many times, but I've wrote and thought about it 100x more. I think I could/would be happier without her, she's a very difficult person to handle(not a single person who knows her well would disagree), but I love her like crazy. I don't want this to end, but I can't fight her on the decision. It's just another phase.
Me not answering her 2 calls and texts regarding the D, has now led her to turn back into getting a response out of me at all. She's turned focus to money and asked what I bought online today and what was it for? (It's pet supplies), but I won't be responding to those either. I don't WANT to ignore her, but I really don't feel obligated to answer her mundane questions like this. If she has a problem of what I'm spending money on, she can take it to the L (yep, TRO placed on financials and assets, pretty common I'd suppose, but as far as I know, there is no spending limit on transactions.)
Just finished working out... Had a hard time finding my "umphh" on this one...
Okay betterm, a little setback and now you're getting all whiny on me. I want you to do 10 "yo bitches" for me (instructions below).
Yo bitch instructions:
1. Stand facing a mirror. 2. With an outstretched arm, hold your hand upright with your palm facing out. 3. Say, "Yo bitch, tell it to the hand!" 4. Wave your other hand and snap your fingers to accentuate step 3.
Practice until perfected. Then use it on yo WW as needed.
(I'm trying to show my softer side; no more boxes and tape for doodler.)
Just got a late surprise stop in from STBX. I was sitting out back and she just appeared out of no where. Said "Hey, I just stopped in to say hi". I said, "oh, well hi, sorry you caught me off by surprise."
She asked how I was and I said I'm doing fine. There was a long silence, and she said, well, I guess I'll leave. I walked inside with her and she started playing with the cat. Lasted about 20 seconds, and she started tearing up, then just said "okay, I'll see ya later" and out she went. I told her bye and that was it...
There were so many things I wanted to say, and I said none. I don't know why she came over, but I know it wasn't "just to say hi". I feel like she was waiting for me to strike up conversation about D, and I never did.
I wanted to hug her, hold her, tell her how I felt about the situation. I know it wouldn't have been the "right" thing to so, but I can't say I don't regret not doing so.
I'm sorry that was an awkward situation. It sounds like you handled it well from a DB perspective. I never know what to do or say in those surprise moments and I often react off of emotions (i.e., usually not good). Hopefully some of the vets will provide you with some input.
From a DB perspective, I definitely don't feel I did anything "wrong" during that situation. I knew if I ignored her texts for long enough, she'd force the issue and show up at the house at some point, I just didn't think it would be so soon (the same frickin' day as I got the D papers).
I think she came over with intent to have a quick "talk", but when I didn't open up to her at all, didn't ask anything about her decision, etc... she quickly backtracked and probably decided it wasn't a good idea to come over. The whole thing last all of about 3 minutes before she started tearing up and showed herself out the door.
Every time in the past I'd been excited to see her in these passing by's. This time, however, I really wasn't. I wasn't rude, but since receiving papers, maybe it's different. I felt an inner "i don't care" or "disrespect" towards my W. She's made her decision, and her text basically says "I have chosen to be happier in my life without you in it." And that's a painful thing to hear someone you love say. So I guess it's all adding up, I don't know.
I was going to at least wait the 72 hour window before responding to anything from her, and now, unless I see some window of opportunity that's better for me, I'll probably just put it all on hold until I meet with me L again on Wednesday of next week... 7 days of basically no contact? Hmph, I dunno.
Every time in the past I'd been excited to see her in these passing by's. This time, however, I really wasn't. I wasn't rude, but since receiving papers, maybe it's different. I felt an inner "i don't care" or "disrespect" towards my W. She's made her decision, and her text basically says "I have chosen to be happier in my life without you in it." And that's a painful thing to hear someone you love say. So I guess it's all adding up, I don't know.
betterm,
I understand the inner "I don't care." I'd had a similar experience. I'd always tried to be happy and supportive of my wife but there was only so much pummeling I could take and then there was the "straw that broke the camel's back" moment and I just couldn't continue to allow her to treat me that way anymore.
