Turning Point

[PacLove]

no need to apologize, yes I definitely see she's wants the best of both worlds, but she also has decided to move out, realizing she can't have that right now... She's not getting a "lot" from me or from the household benefits right now, and I'm trying me best to maintain those boundaries.

[doodler]

PacLove,

I'm sorry she's moving out; I know that's hard, but you're right, you have to maintain the boundaries.

[Rose888]

Well, I do know of a relationship that kind of started out as an affair and is still going strong 5 or 6 years later. The marriage was open in the swinging sense, and one of the spouses fell in love with someone they knew socially. The marriage became polyamorous at that point.

So, not quite an affair, but I think it kind of felt like it to the other spouse initially.

Obviously, if one spouse wants a poly relationship, and the other wants a monogamous relationship, that's a problem. But just because she's thinking about it doesn't mean that will be her final decision.

[PacLove]

Thanks Rose888, yea while I've contemplated the idea in the past (only cause she brought it up) I'm not sure as though I could - my faith is strong and I don't believe this is what God wants for our M.

W is in a dark place right now - her watching shows like Mistresses only glamorizes those feelings... There is the lure of excitement sure, but none of this leads to any good as we can see on this forum.

Whatever happens, I would never be able to accept OM as she's been lieing and betraying me about him.

[mvgfwd2]

Be careful, she may be just making sure you're still hanging on to the rope for plan B. At all costs don't be available for plan B!

[PacLove]

Doesn't plan B = R though? I agree no one wants to be plan B, we all want to be our OS first choice but let's be honest. We aren't currently their first choice so we are DB'ing either to move on or in hope that OS will return, if the latter aren't we essentially being their plan B in the end even if we aren't acting like it through the DB process?

[PacLove]

Bad DB'ing today... or not...

W did something to piss me off and I guess I got a little angry with her on the phone. (she said I was yelling at her, but I don't think I raised my voice).

We had some overlap time at home tonight as she was feeding D and putting her to bed, I just tried to distance myself but she could tell I was bitter and I was acting bitter (although trying not too)

I keep praying and God keeps showing himself though that M is meant to be and need to have patience. In Church today the message was focused on why bad things happen to good people, then in the mail today I got the latest issue of a popular news magazine with an article on "Marriage" and why it's important to make them work.

More frustrated than anything with the current sich.

[PacLove]

Journaling...

Waking up this morning and all I can think about is ending the M. OM is back in town and pretty sure she left to go there last night.... the though of her with him eats away at me, I know this is why we need to move on and GAL but it's so difficult to do!

Found myself researching Divorce procedures within my state this morning, for those of you that did file, what ultimately tipped you to that?

It's been 3 months for me and I can't keep living in this limbo state, feel like I need to make a move of some sort.

[J5K]

Pac,

I understand this is hard emotionally. Let the emotions flow through you. You need to let go of them and focus on one thing at a time. You will get through this. 3 months is not a long time compared to some of the good DB'rs that have lasted over a year or more. Be patient and give it time if you really want to have you M work.

[PacLove]

JK,

Thanks yes I know 3 months is not a long time... it's amazing how much the emotions affect you though.

On Catholic Radio this morning they were referencing yet another recent article on Marriage in a popular news magazine on why we marry the "wrong people", interesting read.

Reading through posts here it seems that there's a mixture of people that filed within a few months of BD and then those that haven't/will not file... I struggle as I'm indecisive right now, every time she does something that hurts me I lean more and more towards making a move to force us out of this limbo state.