I will be totally candid-I have only read this thread. However, these scripts are similar so I have an idea of what went down between you and your husband. I am so terribly sorry you find yourself here. It really is a crap sandwich yet they try to convince you it's a goat cheese and heirloom tomato on brioche.
You sound very angry and we all totally relate. When your life is upended, it makes you feel like you are bungee jumping without the cord. However, one day, you have to realize that the anger, while understandable, doesn't really help you or your children. It is a complete waste of energy. It's necessary to feel the emotions and try to let some of it just go.
In regards to your inlaws, I agree with the others. Blood is thicker than water. I am in a unique situation in that my xh (who was extremely close with his parents) has said exactly zero words to them in 2.5 years except for a couple of generic texts. When they visit, they stay with me and I do my darndest not to say much about their son. My kids? That's a different story. They can say whatever to them because that isn't my deal. I always remind his parents that I do not think their son is a bad guy-not in the least. I wouldn't have picked such a person.
You seem rather focused on OW. Don't expend your energy there. You will feel exhausted and quite frankly, his family will do what they do. I would suggest not fueling the fire. Focus on you and being the best you can be. I admit this has been the ultimate task for me and I am still a work in progress.
Let him go and deal with the consequences of decisions. It does get much better! Hang in there and take care of yourself.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Morning...well yesterday h came in the house to discuss our youngest son birthday. But yet again, despite me saying I wouldn't discuss child access without a third party he brought it up. Although I didn't shout at him he peed me off so much I got angry. This is some of the things he said
I text you stuff that I'm doing when I have kids because you overreact and I don't want the kids to see ( this was in reference to him taking kids away with ow)
I don't need to pay towards the mortgage...I pay you enough. Well we need to talk and sort child access you can't dictate to me what I do when I have the kids ( in ref to him living with ow, intro kids to ow) We have equal parental responsibility Are we being joint presents for kids You don't tell me what's going on with kids. The reason the kids can't go out with mum and dad together is because of you
What the heck. I told him he has access, I have every right to question what he is doing with kids when he involves ow that I don't know, yes we do have equal parental responsibility but that has nothing to do with access, no we are not doing joint presents, we are not together, I am not giving you weekly newsletter about kids, when you lie and cheat and walk out funnily enough, no I don't want to entertain with you...kids or not
And finally....maybe mediation is expensive is there another way we can sort access out!!! Such an ass
I know I should let go of my anger and I think I do and then I see him and it bubbles up again. That idiot has thrown everything away ......I have been so rasonable about access.....but he bleeds on constantly about it as if I haven't allowed him. He's wrong. His problem is he doesn't see the kids as much as he wants.....but that is not my fault. That's his .......it drives me mad that he thinks that he can carry on like he is and doesn't owe his family financially.
Mia, aso hard as it is to deal with you actually DON'T get to decide what the kids do when they areally with your H or who they are around. Is it responsible of your H to bring them around OW? No, but that change the fact you legally can't do anything about it. And if you keep harping on your H about it then he is most likely to just see you as more of an enemy and rebel more.
How often does he have time with the kids?
Distance wasn't a factor but my H had the kids 3 days (2overnights) per week & my ex husband from my first marriage & I have EXACTLY 50/50 time with my two older boys. He lives about 30min away.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Hi I hope it's ok to chime in. I've only read this thread and is it right he only sees the kids Tuesday nights and every other weekend ? If so , that doesn't seem a lot to me and I can see where he's coming from re access. I do feel very strongly about the kids having to meet OW and I can relate how hard that is for you. My kids are old enough to decide they want nothing to do with OM but I still don't like the thought of it.
You seem really angry and rightly so but do you think it's helping you move forward ? Your H doing what he has is very painful for you and tough to get past but in the long run you have to accept what is and deal with it as best you can for your sake and the kids
I know it's hard but having no expectations of H might be best because he's not going to live up to any expectations that you have anyway
Back to the access , what is he looking for ? Are your objections to do with OW or something else. I'm no expert but many on here have had to deal with these types of issues and maybe they could offer constructive advice
Letting go is key and also a tough mountain to climb. Most sucess stories on here ( regardless of the outcome in the M ) seem to reach the sucess level when the LBS detaches from the WAS and their actions
All the above is just my humble opinion and I truly feel your pain
Hi rd.....he also gets whatever school holiday he has asked.
He can't have them overnight in the week as he lives miles away so can not get them to school...I've also been advised by a solicitor that no court would grant that.
I've never refused if he wanted to see them in the week by coming here but he has never asked apart from Tuesday he has currently.
I am angry...he threw away a sound marriage and constantly goes on about what he wants. As you can see above I have asked him to come long to our youngest son birthday do......I have not refused him anything and he makes me angry when he implies that I do...it's like I can't do wrong for doing right.
I had to endure him taking kids with ow last weekend....it wasn't that I was rfusing but I'm sick of him not telling me what he's doing where the kids are involved and it's not the norm.
He's talking about taking them on holiday in the summer and I am like...hang on how about contributing towards what they need...a roof over their head
Mia, It's all about your son's birthday and what his wish for that day. I'm glad you invited your h to go along. For that day, try to table your anger and just enjoy the day w/your son as it is his special day and I would hate to see it ruined if tempers were to flare up. Yes, I am very well aware that you are angry and your has thrown away a marriage and family life...but for the one day...table the anger. If the conversation should happen to go towards more visitation, just remind your h that this is not the day to discuss such things and that you both should concentrate on making your son's special day one to remember.
Yes, you shown him that you aren't stooping to his level by inviting him along.
As for what he does w/the children when he has them, he has the option of telling you about it or not, as long as whatever he's doing w/them keeps them safe and they are having fun. You can't control him, his every move or what he does w/his children. As for the ow, well, that may be something that can be discussed in mediation...
Please try to find a way to release the anger because your children can sense it and you don't want them being hesitant in sharing what they do when they are w/their father. They need to feel comfortable in telling you about their time spent w/him or to talk about what's going on.
Anger takes up a lot of energy, energy that you could use elsewhere in your life to do the things that you would like to do. It also raises your blood pressure and can create all sorts of health issues.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Right, h rang yesterday to ask when he could give presents. I said he's not coming to house so he said so I have to give at cinema. Yup He also asked if he was coming to meal after cinema..I said nope.
Well our son wants hi. For meal. Should I text him?
Also tbh for son it's probably better he comes to house and gives presents. Should I say that.
It's a balance between making son happy and not allowing my h off the hook...and of course he started on mediation again...my response...hang up
