This morning I snooped. I shouldn't of. But I did. Now I feel even more lost and confused. I read a text message between my W and one of her friends (girl) and they were talking about me/us. One message said something to the extent of, he's handling it a lot better now, he's treating it as a 6 month break and not me (her) leaving <---this last word I can't remember I know it's a matter of semantics if she said leaving, splitting, breaking up, etc...
So that one left me scratching my head...
Then she did say in a later text, "i think this time apart has made me appreciate him more"
That one was nice...but still the first one really threw me for a loop. I had to put her phone down because she walked back into the house. I know I shouldn't read anything into and only worry about things I can control (ME!) But one can't help it...I don't know how to feel. Last week I was so positive, now I just feel down and negative like, is she considering this a split up and not a break? I just want to know what she's thinking. I can't exactly ask her, "Sooooo...was going through your phone this morning and saw your texts. Could you please explain those?" So, here I am wondering.
They say not all who wander are lost. I, however, am lost.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Collin: The best advice I got from my DB coach was don't believe anything she says and only half of what you see.
Ignore what you read. You can not interpret anything from it.
My friend please don't snoop. I did and I found out what I was looking for and it all blew up. I won the battle and lost the war.
Resist it. It's so tempting and everyone does it. Even people in healthy marriages. It's still bad.
I pray for you everyday. If you like I can pray for your strength to resist the temptation. Your a good guy, when you get the urge to snoop. Please remind yourself of the people like me who respect you and want the best for you.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
I shouldn't of said that, I know, because it's relationship talk and pursing and that doesn't do any good. But I didn't quantify myself like I should of. I just acted like all I had to do was wait out the 6 months and she'll come be-bopping back home. I know it's not the case. What I meant to say was, you are coming back because I'm going to do what I need to do to ensure it.
You can't ensure it. You could DB perfectly and she could still choose to leave permanently.
I know it's hard, but if you can accept it, you will spare yourself unnecessary pain.
The reality of your marriage is part what you each do and part how you each think and feel about what you each do. You can control only half of the equation.
H and I were discussing my summer bucket list yesterday, and at one point he said, "Maybe you really have changed." I can change all I want, but unless he can open to the idea that change is possible, he won't really "see" the change.
I'll still be better off for having made the changes, but those changes might not save the marriage.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
One message said something to the extent of, he's handling it a lot better now, he's treating it as a 6 month break and not me (her) leaving <---this last word I can't remember I know it's a matter of semantics if she said leaving, splitting, breaking up, etc...
I'd say, based on how a WW thinks, that she wants her H to understand it's not a "break" she wants, and that she really means it's over. Sometimes, during the begging and deal making from the H, he will suggest that she take a break and then see how she feels.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Notice how when your W talks of moving on you are drawn to her. Well, the same works the other way. Have you ever given the impression you may be moving away from her?
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Notice how when your W talks of moving on you are drawn to her. Well, the same works the other way. Have you ever given the impression you may be moving away from her?
Put so simply, but feels like a lightbulb just went off over my head. There's been one time since my wife left she felt that way, and she completely turned to mush.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Well. She just left. Now it's time to walk the walk. Tonight will be our first night apart, separated if you will. I really don't know how I feel. I feel sad. But at the sametime I know the way we were going was a collision course for disaster. I love my W and I want our M to grow. It wasn't going to grow the way it was going. So, in that sense, I am thankful.
D just left to go spend the night with her grandma, sooo...sitting here alone in the house. It's an odd feeling knowing that she won't be coming back here tonight.
We woke up early this morning so I can go do my 10k. She and D went with me. We came back here and I fell asleep. Her and D went out. They came home and my W and I sat on the couch for a while, I put my arm around her and she leaned up against me dozing in and out. It felt good holding her for those few minutes.
I just need to collect my thoughts a while to see how I'm going to maneuver these next 6 months.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
