One of These Days

[Irish M]

hi Cali.
i too want that family united and my kids to have that normal life we all intended for our kids. you are like me. the door is open .. not by much but it all depends on the STBXW.

nothing wrong with that. you live your life the best you can and what ever happens - happens.

Before BD you never expected her to flip this switch and bring crazy town home. That switch could flip back and she could want to really fix things. Life is full of unknowns. Or, you could go for a bike ride and at the gas pump next to you on a Harley could be your dream girl and soul mate. Let life happen.

cheers to you my friend. Your story is so important to me. I draw from your strength.

Irish

[Irish M]

Hey Cali

So any meet ups at the gas pump.


Hope all is well

Irish

[CaliGuy]

Hey Cali

So any meet ups at the gas pump.

Hope all is well

Irish

Hey Irish .. yeah all is good here.

So I think I shared the Temp Check STBX pulled a couple weeks ago, 8 days after that I receive an email from the mediator that she is wanting to schedule a date again ... its numb to me at this point, I will go ahead with the D just to move on as I am wanting to buy a place rather than continue tossing rent money out the window since its so affordable out here in Cali

Just a few things, she was TM a bit concerning money, seems that is about the only contact I will get and seems to me its not required as if she would check her account she could answer the questions she had. Again ... no replies or short ones from me.
S shared that STBX bought a basketball after he shared he enjoys playing football and baseball with me (I have noticed a good deal of 'Parent Competition' as of late), so they go to a court and play Horse ... game was quickly called when S informed STBX of the score "Mom I am a Ho and you are a HOR" .... that word is a trigger for her as I dropped it early on in the sitch, so she snapped at him and home they went.

As far as me, been busy. July will be rough. I picked up an extra DJ gig every other Thursday. I am going back home for the 4th of July for a week. Get back and work a week then off to China the 16-25th. I'll need another vacation when I get back!

My anniversary is either tomorrow or Friday ... I never could recall. Last night riding home from the girl I have been seeing I was hit with a good deal of remorse. Granted I know I have done all I can to this point ... its still sad that 26 years ended this way. I realized I am still in love with who she used to be, definitely not who she is at the moment .. but that girl I married and spent all that time with I dearly miss. It has been a bit since those feelings have blindsided me but again, part of the process/cycle. The girl I am seeing ... I enjoy the time, its better than being alone but I am starting to realize I am not ready to give freely yet, not sure if I ever will TBH, in time maybe but just something I have to be honest with myself about. She has recently called me on it, I have been honest with her but things may end just for the fact I am not fully healed just yet .... this wound may in fact be one that never does heal and I will have to just accept that as part of it.

[kml]

so they go to a court and play Horse ... game was quickly called when S informed STBX of the score "Mom I am a Ho and you are a HOR" .

Lol - almost spit my drink out my nose!!!!

[Irish M]

Good hearing your update Cali.

I understand your remorse. I have those too. Such a waste.
I am in love with my W. She is no more.
I am not in love with my STBXW. She might be forevermore.


On the dating side, do what you are doing and enjoy the time. The best thing you are doing is being honest with her and yourself as well.

They said it was a long journey.

Take care

Irish

[AJM]

sad that 26 years ended this way. I realized I am still in love with who she used to be, definitely not who she is at the moment .. but that girl I married and spent all that time with I dearly miss. It has been a bit since those feelings have blindsided me but again, part of the process/cycle. The girl I am seeing ... I enjoy the time, its better than being alone but I am starting to realize I am not ready to give freely yet, not sure if I ever will TBH, in time maybe but just something I have to be honest with myself about. She has recently called me on it, I have been honest with her but things may end just for the fact I am not fully healed just yet .... this wound may in fact be one that never does heal and I will have to just accept that as part of it.

define 'heal' my friend. Perhaps it will scar over and instead of sadness you'll be able to remember the good times. Kind of like remembering a family trip to Disney - years later you don't remember the sweaty long lines with someone's little kids crying, smearing something sticky on your leg. Or the long lines. Or the high costs of everything or the stomach aches from the food etc.

No, you remember that you enjoyed most of it, and it becomes a memory from your history.

While you get there, keep on the path you're on. The exploration will be helpful.

Peace,

AJ

[Mach1]

Granted I know I have done all I can to this point ... its still sad that 26 years ended this way. I realized I am still in love with who she used to be, definitely not who she is at the moment .. but that girl I married and spent all that time with I dearly miss.

I would worry more if you DIDN'T feel this way..

Your old life served you very well, and things weren't always this way. There were good times, and things weren't always this confused and aggravating.

I realized this same thing a few years ago.

That I still loved the girl that I married...not the one that she had become..

I still honored her, by letting the expectation that she is the same girl that she once was....go

And I still cherish the memories that we made...

Love, Honor, and Cherish....

Sounds kinda like a vow I once made to her....: )



You're getting there..

The girl I am seeing ... I enjoy the time, its better than being alone but I am starting to realize I am not ready to give freely yet, not sure if I ever will TBH, in time maybe but just something I have to be honest with myself about. She has recently called me on it, I have been honest with her but things may end just for the fact I am not fully healed just yet .... this wound may in fact be one that never does heal and I will have to just accept that as part of it.

Try not to predict future failures or successes....

Live each day as it is, no expectations either way, and just enjoy the time that you do spend with her, or the time that you don't....

You have been through enough emotional turmoil the past few years, try not to pile that up any deeper than it already is...

[mleigh4]

You have been through so much Cali, and are still dealing with it. It is understandable and downright common sense that you would not be quite ready to give yourself fully yet. Hopefully your date can understand that too. From a girl here, just stay honest with her.

I may be wrong, but I get the sense you have not excepted that your old W is gone....Or maybe you just haven't completely let go? Even if she was to wake up, at this point, she would no longer be the same person, just like we are no longer the same person. It is very difficult to accept the person we fell in love with and created life with is gone. It may also just be the trigger of the anniversary date and her trying to pull you back in doesn't help either.....

You have talked about finding that peace within so hold onto that and keep living, keep moving on. Keep your faith that everything will be ok because we have no idea what lies ahead for us.

[mleigh4]

Happy Fathers Day Cali! Your son is so lucky to have you, you are a wonderful example for him, I hope you both enjoy your day

[BrightFuture]

Happy Father's Day, Cali!