Anyone else find GaL to be exhausting or am I over doing it. It has become part of my life to be doing something all the time with or without the kids. And it's beating the crap out of me haha.
It is nice to have this change in my life tho. To be enjoying it instead of how I was before bday. I guess I do have to thank ex for that.
The change I made In how I interact with her did make a positive change tho. I'm not jumping at every moment, she seems much less angry now that I don't get effected by her emotions. When talking I did find her topics to be negative still. How her work [censored] and maybe her life isn't as full of rainbows and unicorn sparkle farts as she thought it would be. While when she sees me I am smiling and legitimately enjoying myself.
Looking forward to camping with friends and kids this weekend, It's supposed to rain which doesn't make for fun camping, where I live is so dry tho the rain is welcome.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Well we got some camping in. The kids and I had a awesome time. Making memories and playing in puddles. Drinking some beers around a fire with friends. I am very happy we went even though it's a lot of work getting packed up for 4 kids and myself.
The kids all are exhausted and Loved going, then here I sit now they are content while I have this feeling of emptiness or loneliness because I can't share this feeling with the person I used to make these memories with.
I have a house full of love with my kids and I feel alone in it. Most times I feel like this I just miss the companionship. This time tho, I miss W
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I too feel that GAL can be exhausting at times. I keep telling myself that I'd rather be exhausted than sitting around with nothing to do. I think there is a balance out there and someday hope I find it.
I'm sorry you are feeling alone and empty. This is tough stuff to go through and I don't think you can avoid those types of feelings. Someday, your kids might be telling their mates about the camping trips they took with dad and all the fond memories they have. Keep thinking about that.
I know they will have fond memories. As I have memories of times like this weekend from when I was a child. It does make me smile knowing that they are happy and healthy. That I am able to do this on my own.
Today feels like a step back I guess, in the grand scheme 7 months is t that long, I had been feeling so good for months now. Absolutely fine. Then today I have a ton of emotion pouring through me
What's hard is having no one to talk to about things. I have acted as if for so long anyone that would have listened is going to ask wtf happened. When all it is is that I just want to vent. Things get pent up when you have no one to express emotions to.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I know. That's why I keep posting here. It is an outlet. I've also written numerous emails that I never intended on sending, just to get the words out.
If you feel the need to vent, you might be able to find someone who will listen. I reached out to someone in a moment of desperation and they turned out to be a great listener. When I first started venting to them I started regretting it, thinking it was a mistake to talk to them. I never expected they would become a great sounding board and even provide some good advice.
I am sure someone else has dealt with being good for months and them getting hit like a truck.
This camping trip really set me back it feels. I haven't been this emotional or cried this much since early on. It's frustrating and it really makes me feel like I have made zero progress
In the biggest way all I want is to actually talk to MIL about it all. She always felt like the one who listened best. Yet I know I can't. It leaves me with the forum and myself.
I do have to see W today to exchange the boys. And it's never fun because s3 doesn't like going with her. Then W gets defensive and thinks we need to change the visitation. When in reality S3 just wants a family again.
I don't know why I stopped posting here. I felt good and like I was pretty much moved on. Man I was wrong. Haha.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
the exchange went better than it usually does. s3 was upset as usual. I was able to talk to him and make things better.
I really felt as tho WW was going out of her way to brag or talk about some good things coming up in her life. Like selling the car to get a new truck. Which she mentioned new truck 2-3 times until I finally just stated. That's nice. Are you selling the car? ( that we just bought a year ago) She explained why and asked if I wanted to buy the car. I look at her and said No. She seemed taken aback and asked if I said no.
There was a few other things she seemed to want me to know, it really felt like her wanting to share how great her life is, or over compensate so I think it's great.
Next weekend should be fun. I normally would have all 4 kids however t has to be different. I will have younger 2 on Friday, drive to where older 2 live Saturday as D12 has final dance recital that I want to see and I will spend time with all 4 there. Then S3 has a tball game at home Sunday which WW is coming up to watch and then take the boys back with her.
this will as far as I know be her first time back in my town since she moved out in January. Possible first time back in our house. I have no idea if she is coming alone or not. It should be interesting.
Other than that I need to get out of the bit of a funk I have let myself slide into. Not sad, more lazy and not wanting to do anything. Yet I know it feels good when I get out and do things. Lacking motivation I guess
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
You're on the right track, just stay with it. If she's going out of her way to try and show you how great everything is, chances are they aren't. Remember that.
She still has a lot of anger with me. It's impossible to discuss our boys right at this time without her getting angry and spewing venom when she doesn't hear what she likes.
After the summer she wants to change from week in week off to every other weekend with the boys. As she believes they are getting bounced and S3 has said he doesn't like switching so much. And that is fine. I agree that it's hard on them going back and forth so much.
However she assumes that they will live with her. And when I express my belief that they are happier with me and that I understand it won't be easy for me I think it's best for them with me.
S3 is always crying that he wants to stay with me. That he doesn't like mommy or OM house. And I get anger and venom like how I couldn't do it. And that she won't fight. She will see me in court about it. And this one was the best
"not doing this to me. I wouldnt give up the boys for the world. But I never should have gone back to you after the first time I kicked u out. "
In the past that would have hurt. Now I see it is just words of an angry woman. Still working on herself.
I was able to not reply to her venom. Tho I almost wrote back saying "I am sorry she feels that way and that she still has such anger towards me. I do only have my children's best interest at heart. ".
I have left it for now. For the last week or so I have had the largest urge to talk to MIL about it all. Not sure why tho. Just a feeling that she would understand. mIL is a woman true to her word and she told W that she wouldn't support her in this. And since W left W's family hasn't really talked to her.
I get blamed for that too. I don't want to make it worse tho. It's a long road and I feel like I am just leaving the start. Tho I know I have changed myself a lot. For the better
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Well. I talked to SIL about ExW. I fully understand that it is not following Sandis guild line or rules. No matter who I talked to about Ex never relieved the gut feeling of expressing myself to someone about her anger.
I also realized that what was stopping me from taking to her family is a fear of it getting back to her and "ruining" and R chances. Well. I am pretty much past the R idea. Sure I miss W like this last weekend. I do my fear her anger like I used to. And tho it still effects me. It doesn't send me spinning.
Anyway. I asked SIL if W has always been short fused and grudge holding and I missed it? And she said ya pretty much. Then SIL asked me if I was planning on taking the boys from W... My how quickly things get twisted. So I said lets talk instead of me typing this all out.
I gave SIL my stance on the custody of the boys. That I want 50-50 to stay yet w believes every other weekend would be better and is now mad that I questioned why she believes the boys should just live with her and now I am taking them away... It made me laugh how distorted stories get when people twist them to make me out to be a bad guy.
Well SIL saw through it and said honestly. The boys would be better with me. From what she has heard. w is acting like a teen still. Out drinking every weekend. Even when she has the boys and apparently driving after drinking with the boys. To the point that another SIL was tempted to call child services on W because of the stories W had been telling of her exploits.
If I need to fight with W for fair custody of my children I will. Not a doubt in my mind. And if a judge decides W is better. Then that's fair I won't appeal, I want what is best for my children no matter what that is.
As for this news of her putting my children in danger with her drinking. That I will be looking into as best I can to keep my children safe.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
