I swear to GOD I'm my worst enemy. I just can't sit by idle and watch things happen. If I see a potential problem, I've got to fix it. I'm a Mr. nice guy and I'm sure she knows it.
Wife text me to let me know that she's not going out of town this weekend like planned, and wanted to know if I still wanted to keep the boy's this weekend. I said of course I do, if she wanted to see them Sunday let me know. She said I will let you know. should of ended right there, but knowwww!!!!
Earlier this week my 7 year old told me I had more food then Mommy at my house. He also said mommy told him she didn't have any money, when he asked for something at the store.
So knowing this information, whether she told him this intentionally or not. I go ahead and send a new text a couple minutes later, Basically telling her not to hesitate asking me for financial help. Since I know it's hard living by yourself with 2 kids on a single income.
She replies, "ok"
I just lost any leverage I may have had on her having to face the realities of separation with no support.
But damn, it's my wife. I understand the rules of a WAW\WW, buts it's so damn hard not being somewhat empathetic.
I swear to GOD sometimes I feel like it would just be easier being alone or finding someone else and just starting over.
Feeling frustrated. _________________________ Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Well back to the grind. I've got to remember to keep Mr. Fixit stashed away and try not to let him see the day light. He definitely made a showcase presentation yesterday. I guess mistakes will be made, but that was definitely a major set back. I have the kids all weekend so I'm happy about that. We've already been out and have got a lot accomplished. I plan on taking them to a lake tonight and doing some bass fishing. I caught 6# one last time we went. I'm going to make my goal this week to totally detach as much as possible.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
It was a bit of a set back yes. Remember that as much as she's gaining independence, so are you. But just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and change your mind. It's called a lesson. Learn and move on.
I plan on dropping my WW financially. What I will do, is bring food for my son, his yoghurt, his fruit. Nothing for her. I don't care if she eats rice and tomato sauce for supper. My responsibility is to myself and my son.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I've had the kids since Thursday. Wife hasn't reached out once to talk to them. I guess she's to busy with her new life, whatever that is. I just don't understand how she can be so selfish.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Day 1 NIC (Not Initiating Contact by phone, text, email, or social media, Sunday drop off is unavoidable)
Alright back to DBing.
GAL activities today include GYM, Coffee after work with a friend, and IC session.
I'm going back to LRT, I feel like I had made some progress, but have given back a lot of ground the last week. After spending this entire weekend alone with my kids, Something finally clicked. This is way more about them then me or my wife. They deserve to have my full attention when they are with me. We had a great weekend and I was truly happy spending time with them.
Regardless if my wife and I get back together, Our kids had no role in the disintegration of our MR. They deserve to have the most loving and caring parents.
So, I'm fully committing on doing my half. I want my children to be able and look back and say with full confidence that our father did great job raising us.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Day 4 NIC (Not Initiating Contact by phone, text, email, or social media, Sunday drop off is unavoidable)
Wife initiated context yesterday via email.
I would like to start getting feed back from any conversations i have with my WW wife. Somethings may just need validation for me. Sometimes I feel like I say too much, too little, or just the wrong things in general.
Here we go (Preface this with current co- parenting schedule W w\kids M,W,F,S H\kids t,th,sun)
Schools out next week, no summerschool first week schools out
W: There is no school or camp next week (tues thru fri) How do you want to handle the kids days off?
ME: Whatever works best for you. I'm working from home all week. Just let me know.
W: Do you want them during the day all week? I can pick them up Wed and Fri evening and drop off in mornings.
ME: That sounds great. What about Monday?
W: Do you want them? Should I pick them up in the morning or evening? I'm not going anywhere for the holiday.
ME: If you could pick them up in the morning on Monday, That would be great. Does 10:00 A.M work?
W: Sure. that is fine.
All comments are welcome
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
this sounds very similar to my situation last year. i was playing mr nice guy. trying to accommodate her. i found that its not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference.
instead of saying "whatever works best for you" instead try taking a little time before answering her. slow down the game. take an hour or so before answering. instead of telling her your schedule "im working from home all week" be a little more mysterious.
example: W: no school next week blah blah
Me: (an hour + later )i can watch them during the day next week
W: oh, ok great, are you off? or working from home?
ME: (no response for an hour + or even hours) yeah, im working from home.
ive found, that the more you slow down the game, it makes her wonder. the less details you freely give, she has to ask for them. i can see that you are a great guy, a nice guy. STOP !
take it from me. I kissed her butt for a year and it got me nowhere. you dont have to be a jerk. but slight adjustments can make all the difference. btw, im no expert. but i have failed by doing exactly what you did.
