She's still throwing tantrums about how 'rediculous' and 'crazy' I am for taking cash out of the joint spending account (to make sure I can pay the bills if she hires an attorney - I told her this and she said "I understand"), but I guess she just wants to use that to fuel the fire for whenever she wants to start one.
You guys have talked me out of it I guess. She's going out of town for 1 day this weekend, and 3 days next weekend (to visit drive-able out-of-state friend), and she's going to burn through her LAST paycheck from the school system. I have mixed emotions on how to handle the personal/joint checking situation once that happens. She will literally have almost NO income (outside of maybe $75 a week from side-gig).
I'm hesitate to tell her 'if you want money, ask for it and I'll see', due to the meeting with attorney today. She said even though we my state does not do 'alimony', if she files and is jobless, they can force 'maintenance support' to her since she has no income, however that's "arguable", and would end up being settled by the judge. I'd have to prove she has a place to live (parents), and isn't going to starve or anything... which I THINK I can do, but judges are human and even tho trained not to take sides or get emotional on issues, wrong judge could be a bad thing for me.
I'm hoping, hoping, hoping, she's found another job. I just saw that the school corp posted her exact position online Monday, so they've either asked her not to come back next year (I can see this, She's always late and from past experience, hard to get along with in work environment), or she's told them that she doesn't plan on returning. Neither of those have come up in conversation between us. But if she files while jobless, it makes things a whole lot worse for me, as opposed to having even a $20k job to survive on.
teetering between "show her what she's missing" (she'll have no money), and doing some sort of 'allowance' until she finds a job, a very, very low one. I don't want to push the button that forces her to file, while she's jobless though. I'd have to argue that since she's jobless, I'd assume ALL debt between us, leaving me about $1k a month to spare, and then she'd try to suck half of that out of me... My only concern.
SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!! you asking these things and wanting to do these things just to spite her because you are angry. You can admit or not. But you clearly haven't detached and your head is spinning. It's easy to tell because you are posting all your thoughts. I'm not one to usually throw 2x4's around, but I don't know what else to say. You've clearly said you make plenty of money and have made that known. So to go through June and pay for bills shouldn't exactly make you broke. I get not wanting to pay for her "vacations" But to "cut her off" and things you are saying are way too soon
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!! you asking these things and wanting to do these things just to spite her because you are angry. You can admit or not. But you clearly haven't detached and your head is spinning. It's easy to tell because you are posting all your thoughts. I'm not one to usually throw 2x4's around, but I don't know what else to say. You've clearly said you make plenty of money and have made that known. So to go through June and pay for bills shouldn't exactly make you broke. I get not wanting to pay for her "vacations" But to "cut her off" and things you are saying are way too soon
reality check. thank you. I guess the meeting with attorney this morning got me over-anxious. One battle at a time. Thanks!
Question about GAL, do home improvements, home project that improve quality of life, qualify for GAL? I have no problem 'going out', 'events', 'activities', etc, and this would be something totally for me, but I want to build a new raised garden bed and one of her 'complaints' about me in the last year was spending too much time 'piddling' around the house doing stuff.
Secondly, does it matter? If its something that I enjoy, and I want to involve myself in, should I not care how it's viewed through 'her eyes'?
In my opinion, GAL can be anything that gets your mind off of the marital stuff. I think it's really supposed to get you out amongst other people so you can make new friends and build a support system.
However, there was a lot of stuff I needed to do around my house and yard and I've been doing that and it's been wonderful. I think it can be a great GAL activity particularly if your wife is away (mine has moved out).
Here's the DB coach answer; find something that really excites you and is infectious when you talk to other people about it. You know those times when you were doing something that interested you so much that it absorbed every brain cell that you have and you couldn't stop thinking about it? That's a good GAL activity. (But no, the strip club doesn't really qualify.)
gotcha. well, starting a new garden is something that does kinda excite me, I don't know what, but something about the self-survival aspect behind it. It's something I've talked about for a while, and it should only be a 1-2 day project with a gas tiller. I think I'll knock it out this weekend and be done with it.
As for other things... jeez, I've started trail riding again, work-out program, new diet, but those are all small things that are just 'improvements' thus far... I've been going out with friends, family, etc. but something that TOTALLY consumes my every brain cell... hmmmm, I'm gonna have to hunt that down and get back with ya! Lots of things cross my mind, but mostly drastic stuff that requires moolah I don't have to spend right now.
I don't know anything about plants and flowers, but I started my yard beautification project (or projects) and I can't get it out of my head. I put some potted flowering plants along a big horizontal branch of a big oak tree in my back yard and it looks awesome. Now I'm itching to do more of that stuff.
I'm actually learning the names of the various plants and figuring out the lighting needs of the plants (a lot of my yard is shady). I didn't think I'd be so into gardening, but here I am posting to the forum about my horticultural adventures.
LOL, you guys. Have you discovered...ahem...Pinterest, yet? That could be a bit dangerous. But seriously, you all are moving through the GAL activities with such enthusiasm and creativity. Its pretty infectious! Well done!
And I'm with cbtdad. Betterm, your anger slip is showing. You're fine, but its hard to keep to the left of that really fine line between protecting/ preparing yourself and vindictiveness. Remember, she's hurt and scared (whether her perception is accurate or not) and that's causing her behavior. Don't back the cougar into a corner or there will be blood...
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
