Ok so I should not jump the gun and approach then?
-When said "talking to someone"... I have been talking to the person who wrote the MR prog I did before stumbling on this forum/techniques. Similar to DB. -Guess EA really effecting me and want to discuss it together. Someone had mentioned setting boundary around that? -And know others have suggested some type of counseling after BD so thought maybe would bring up as well?
Your sit is awful and I feel for you. The EA is a no win sit. You need to stay clear from it as far as you can. No matter what happens it will blow up. My W started an EA. I suspected it was a PA, I pushed and pushed her to see if she was in a PA. She denied it. So I snooped - then asked again, Still no. Then I deceived her and manipulated her to expose it. She finally admitted it was a secret friendship - she still does not see it as EA. I contacted him and told him to not stay clear from my W (no threat - Just that it was not cool to have a secret friendship with a man's wife). He agreed and dropped her like a stone. No everything is a disaster.
Do what you can to stay clear of the EA. The people here would say the best strategy is to make yourself more attractive or see what he would be missing. It's hard to do when you are hurt. I hope my experience can help you.
BBiz
P.S. I continue to pray for you
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Ok so I should not jump the gun and approach then?
-When said "talking to someone"... I have been talking to the person who wrote the MR prog I did before stumbling on this forum/techniques. Similar to DB. -Guess EA really effecting me and want to discuss it together. Someone had mentioned setting boundary around that? -And know others have suggested some type of counseling after BD so thought maybe would bring up as well?
-Do not approach him about separation or divorce, unless it is something you want.
- don't tell him about any counseling or techniques you've had or learned, just do them, actions speak louder than words.
- you say EA, but if I remember correctly the OW didn't want anything to do with him, is that still the case? if it is, then he has more of a fantasy R in his head, but I guess there's not much a difference. Hopefully a vet can help on how to address this, it's so hard to deal with when they work together, because it's gonna be really hard to snap out of it when he sees her everyday. I'm not sure how you set boundaries for a R that is only in his head.
- counseling would be for you. As long as he's off in Lala land, he won't want to work on M and would just be blaming you for everything.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Ok thanks agree a vets help on above would be good then.
Previoysly someone said it's an EA even if one sided and correct is fantasy, ow likely knows.
Talked with Pastor and he said he is avail to help if I wanted to ask H to come along. I think may be good but agree if H has mindset does would not be open to working on?
Think H is deep in fog. I do not want ro feel defeated but somewhat do. I am so emotionally drained.
Having the misc and this sitch all combined is more then can handle. I was actually looking into this retreat for women to help deal with stress and to help with healing and getting back to self. sounds like its about 3 months.
Not sure if considered running away/how would help us? but I need to think about me and thinking of discussing with H?
Keep yourself busy, that will help in forgetting what H is doing. I know it is hard but thinking about your WAS will do nothing to help you.
Do something different for yourself. I know I still have a long way to go for me but I keep trying, you can do this.
I feel your hurt that you want to reach out to H but you need to let him reach out to you. The more you contact him the more you will push him away and ensure you are his plan B.
Stay positive.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I am trying to stay busy. Finding tough at times when home together. Trying not to let resentment build. Do not want to lose the initial fire to keep going but H is putting all energy into EA.
It is so painful and feeling how on earth would his mind change. Know BD coming and feel so down and scared.
BBiz, Almost did not see your thoughts above. It is difficult to keep pain of EA in but understand your viewpoint thanks. Think I figured since H has mindset does that mine as well let it out.
H asked me if I realized I forgot to make his lunch today. I said "I did..oh well." He said "that's ok." I could not believe it. All your energy is on ow and you are about to BD and you ask me about a sandwich. Ugh.
As C mentioned above think H unable to snap out/fade feelings for ow since together each day at office. Are there any boundaries that can help with this? Goodness seems impossible to get around.
Tonight I went over neighbors to play games. Got a "bye" after I said it and when got home H was playing games. Got nothing, not even "how was it"...seems becoming the norm which is sad and upsetting. I want to shake H and say stop this.
