More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[Phoebe]

Thanks, Grl. I did three group meeting activities last week. Two were great, and one was... not so much - a bunch of strange people and I'm still trying to navigate contact with the woman that hit on me. I'd like her friendship, but I'm not at all interested in anything more. No idea how to deal with that gracefully.

I look at MeetUps and I am torn. The activities look fine, but I'm having a hard time getting motivated. You're right Grl. I'm probably spending too much time alone again. Of course, I have so much work to do on my place and no one to share the work with, so it's the all me, all the time review. I probably need a day off from both the work and myself.

So, Grl, thanks for the kick in the pants. You pushed me, so I just RSVP'ed to do another MeetUp tomorrow - a nature walk at the park I've been enjoying lately, and then I can go for a hike afterward if the weather cooperates.

Still feeling pretty down, and it's just been an off evening all around.

I guess I'm just thinking about the possibility of being alone, not liking that, and then considering the process of finding a new partner, and dreading that even more. It's not how I imagined my life. I'm sure everyone here feels the same way. It still stinks, even if I have a lot of good company in this lifeboat.

oh. I forgot. Another crummy thing happened today. I hit a rock while mowing the lawn and ruined the engine of my push mower. It started knocking, then started blowing smoke and finally oil started spewing out the muffler, all in a few moments. Perfect. Another project and expense - replace the lawn mower or buy and install a new engine.

So... Blown lawn mower engine, damaged brush hog, dead chick, and just a bummerific sort of day.

Time to hit the hay.

Wondering where my friend SadHub is. Missing his input.

[Phoebe]

Why, why, why do I do this to myself? Looked at H's stupid photo feed again and there was a comment from OW, loving the photo, followed by all the same colored hearts that I used to text to H. So disgusted.

Now here I am again. Stewing on OW and my poor excuse for a husband and I'm angry, when I want tone sleeping.

I told myself I wasn't going to look anymore. And why would I do it when the day was already crummy? Duh.

[Painter]

I have a photo on my phone that I didn't ask for but keep looking at - H and OW at a restaurant together last week. Framed with flowers by OW and published on her FB-page. H is grinning from ear to ear. I think that's one of the hardest parts. It's the second photo I've seen of them together and he's grinning like crazy in both.

I don't know why we do this. Maybe trying to comprehend. Looking for answers. Hoping it will show that they broke it off.

I'm so sorry. I wish we both had a better night. It's a full moon, I think?

[Sotto]

Hi Phoebe, I hope today is a better day Sweetie. Now then, I'm lucky enough not to have ever seen a photo of H and OW together (yet!) And I have had the occasional peek at their respective FB pages (very poor idea I know!!)

As you say, these things tend to happen on crummy days and we choose to make ourselves feel a bit crummier.....I think sometimes we need to go through that in order to stop doing it at some point going forward.

I would echo what others say about the interactive stuff. We tend to feel so much more upbeat when we have stuff like that going on. One of the best things I have done has been some regular volunteering at a charity bookstore. I love that!! For me, being around books and people and helping those in the most desperate poverty in the process has been so rewarding. Have you thought about doing something like that? It needn't all be Meetups....

Take care anyway and I hope you have a better day xx

[Vanilla]

OK

Waywards and their OP.


I once analysed OP for Dawn.

I will find and post the link, it's rather tongue in cheek.

Firstly if the wayward has a personality disorder they are going to treat the OP eventually in the same way they treated you. Mad dogs bite the hand that feeds them.

Secondly most As don't last 6 months and 35% don't even go one week. If a new A replaces an old one that's a serial offender, do you really want that guy or gal in your life. Don't you want better than that?

Thirdly, waywards go for those that are available, tacky, tacky, tacky, affair down. What prospect is that?

Finally, the wayward knows they messed up and they are ashamed and guilty. To deflect that they project outwards, it's your fault they cheated. Long trousers time, grow up wayward. Can you trust someone in that mode? Your can love and not trust, that's ok. Let them get their act together first before you let them in. You deserve a better partner don't you, one truly invested in an R with you. The wayward is in love with how they feel when the OP is with them. It's not about the OP but about their own selfish need for validation for their sorry soul. Waywards ultimately aren't happy bunnies, either they are dysfunctional or guilty.

So pretty pictures of an immature wayward mean nothing at all. Illusion to persuade the world of lurve that is mere smoke and mirrors. Do it with you OP, they will do it to you. Gradually we learn the waywardness has been in them all along, we failed to see it. Immoral is as immoral does. Actions speak louder than words. Cheating is a very selfish game, flaunting it shows entitlement and an OP who is brazen and nasty. Who wants to hurt another person, their family and often children? Only a scuzzy or scum more interested in one up. Want that in your life? Wayward you are welcome to it.

Hugs

V

[Sotto]

Great post V....yeuch......waywardness is indeed horrible....

It's rotten meet, dressed up with a herby crumb coating and a nice sauce on the side. Looks like the perfect dish, but when you eat into it, there's a different story.

My H's OW has done this TWICE now. Had an A, and his M ended (kids involved.) Cheated on him with XH (child involved) and our M ended. I still struggle to wrap my head around that. I can see how someone might do it once and think - wow, that was a pretty awful situation...but twice?? I manage to feel some compassion in that there must be some sad circumstances from childhood that led to that behaviour.

But in general I feel - wow, you are welcome to each other and I want no part in that....but it does all take time xx

[SH_]

Wondering where my friend SadHub is. Missing his input.

Good morning my dear Phoebe!

I apologize for my absence these past several days. I have been checking in on you but have not been in a place with the time to fully post.

I have been in a very odd place this week and struggle to put my finger on the emotions I have felt. so my thoughts are somewhat of a scramble.

But you have been on my mind and as I see the steps you are taking on your journey I continue to find pride in my dear friend Phoebe. Your roller coaster appears to have found the part of the ride with fewer dips in the track, as well as you are appearing to be stronger with each passing day.

Today is a day that I will be back in to connect with you as I plan to try and sort my scrambled mind out so I can take on the new week.

Phoebe, I am here for you and greatly appreciate your check ins on me.

You are a wonderful angel in the midst of the chaos around us and I am grateful for the blessing of knowing you at this juncture of our travels.

[Phoebe]

Hi Vanilla, Sotto, and SadHub (so glad to hear from you again!).

Today is better, though I still have that off/down feeling going on. SadHub, I can relate to the odd emotions, as I've not been quite able to put a name on the way I've been feeling over the last few days, either. It's weird, like I'm moving on, and yet not, feeling happy sometimes, and yet there is this feeling of being anchored to deeper sadness. Mostly I feel like I'm running away from dealing with whatever is going on by working my tail off to the point of exhaustion.

So... I still have 7 chicks left this morning, but another one has a problem now, too. Coccidia infection is the most likely issue, and I started treating them yesterday morning before anyone even looked off. I was just suspicious, as last year's chicks needed treatment, too. Glad I already had the meds in the house, but not in time to save that first chick. I was almost afraid to look in their box this morning, for fear of a complete die off. I hope I don't lose the next little one.

I need to work on all of my broken equipment - find a new engine for the push mower, new deck bearings for the riding mower (H broke it last fall, so I am totally out of the mowing game now), and a new pin for the brush-hog. I feel like the repairman needs to come and visit! Oh wait... that's me.

Today, given that I have only broken equipment, I am making myself take a day off, with the exception of searching for parts for the above issues.

I have my MeetUp to go to, the tree-focused nature walk and maybe a hike afterward.

I hope that everyone has a good day.

[Ralph88]

P, my personal recommendation for anybody that shows a desire to be more than friends, that you clearly state boundaries and tell them if they don't honor that, you will not be friends. Unfortunately in most cases people still desire you, and think they will work on it as a friend until you see them as R material. Be careful.

[SH_]

Enjoy the meetup!

You are working hard and it is keeping you busy.
Keep up the efforts with the social connections. As you do so, you will make contacts that will benefit you. This will help with the lonely feelings.

You are doing great and continue to go in spite of some of the odd situations. The journey will be looked back at by you and appreciated.

I will check in later today to see how it went.