Yep, first text of the day is her explaining that allowing her to stay there is the 'right thing to do', and she can't be in the house with me together. I feel like she's right, and I do want her to see the pets, but...
Um. I think you know what to think but you're afraid of being the "bad guy". Just the fact that this disturbs you proves that you are not.
Are you really going to let someone who has fired you as a spouse tell you what is "the right thing to do"? Are you then going to clean up her mess after she leaves? Your call, but is that strong and steady?
She has her parents' place. She isn't without resources. So it isn't comfortable for her? She needs a break? She misses the pets? Consequences for her choices. She is trying to use you right now. Are you going to allow that? If you think that you can nice her back to working on M, I can pretty much asure you that it will have the opposite effect. She will not have any respect for you. You are a man. Stand your ground. Your house. She left. Don't give the child the candy because she's crying for it because the tears make you feel bad for her. You'll just be cleaning sticky chocolate off of the car seats as a reward. And next time she cry for a whole box of it.
Re-read Sandi's rules and her threads on mr. Nice guy (doormat). Be strong.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
She's texting only right now. Deciding if I should text back "I can see how you'd want to spend time with the animals, but my view on the "right thing to do" is much different than yours"... Or do I just wait it out until she finally calls 3 times in a row til I answer?
In my opinion, this situation is hard to screw-up. As long as you stay in the house, whether you text her or let her call three times doesn't really matter, the outcome will be the same.
I'd recommend not responding at all. When she comes to the house you can talk to her. But, I don't know if that's a good approach so certainly get some other input.
I haven't seen the articles on "doormat" from sandi, anyone have a link? I saw the 37 rules and the detaching, but no 'doormat'...
In my saying 'Its obvious you and I have differences of opinion on "what is the right thing to do" in our situation."...
It is okay for her to know that I would rather work on our M for the future, but idea is to portray it in a way that shows I'm good and moving along with or without her, right?
t is okay for her to know that I would rather work on our M for the future, but idea is to portray it in a way that shows I'm good and moving along with or without her, right?
betterm,
Yes, I don't think there's any problem with letting her know that you want the marriage to work and that you're willing to do what you need to do to make that happen, but she has to understand that certain things are unacceptable (boundaries) and having you move out, even temporarily, is one of those things that's unacceptable.
She texted again and said 'i really don't want to have to get lawyers involved to straighten out our living situation.'
I thought yesterday after the sudden "I don't want to move out yet" after she remembered her name wasn't on the house, that she'd been talking to a lawyer about the situation and he told her, DONT MOVE OUT!...
However, I'm not sure she has been now, as getting lawyers involved with our living situation probably wouldn't help her as its in my name. Kinda confusing, but okay.
She's blowing me up right now about 'ignoring'. (I'm at work, it happens.) I'll respond back via text with my comment above and see how she takes it.
