HaWho, you are an amazing woman. I honestly don't know how you keep your own sanity with all the antics your H is up to. It takes a lot of patience and resolve to be able to kind of step back and be an observer when things are happening so close to you and H is trying to bait you. You appear to be handling it well.
I like that you are going to spend the summer focusing on you and you're well being.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Well, well, well, guess who ate the dinner I COOKED tonight?!?
Here is what happened. I bought h a souvenir in NYC. It had nothing to do with NYC as he has no attachment to that city. I bought him a pop up 3D card of the Tower Bridge as he is sentimental about London. And I bought him an excellent quality of chocolate he likes that I have not seen here in CA.
H has returned from 2 trips with souvenirs for the boys and nothing for me. So classless. He presented them to the boys while I received not even a postcard. All done in front of the boys. Awful. Truly awful. I turned the other cheek and did not debase myself by doing the same in kind. I killed him with kindness and felt good FOR ME doing so.
At dinner I give him the souvenirs. The chocolate is sealed and he asks if I am poisoning it. I ignore. (Sister thinks it came off as a joke; I am not so sure.) I tell him that quality of chocolate is not available in CA. He is surprised the souvenir has nothing to do with NYC. I tell him: you have no attachment to NYC. You have attachment to London. (Duh, there is thought behind it!!!)
Sister offers to fix him a dinner plate; he says no, he will fix his own. And I think: yeah right--knowing he is on a hunger strike. She offers him wine and he has some!! And it is already opened. (Can't believe he's taking the risk of drinking from opened wine--wink, wink, nor nod.) Half way through our dinner he fixes himself a heaping plate AND eats it!!!
Wow and hmmm . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
great - as we are often told, zero expectations tho ... well done on being yourself and not responding in kind re: souvenirs ... xoxoxo as always, majorly proud of YOU!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Can I show up at your house as your long-lost sister that was given up as a baby for adoption so I can throw H some truth darts in front of the whole family?!
"Oh yah...don't drink the Kool-aid, buddy. Jeez, I don't think your wife is trying to poison you...what a dumb idea! Who came up with that ludicrous notion? You? Ah...I see." cocked head, raised eyebrows
"What's up with your room downstairs? Isn't it a bit odd that you slink off by yourself like some sulky teenager?"
Sounds GREAT to me Wonka. Let's do one of those swaps where you live here and I Iive in your home. I am on my way now.
You can straighten this out for sure.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Oh, and he ate the whole huge chocolate bar 5 minutes after I gave it to him. Guess for tonight, at least, he is not so worried that I am trying to kill him.
I saw him crumpling the wrapper and asked: did you eat that WHOLE baking bar?!? He said yes and I was tempted to wring my hands, wiggle my eyebrows and say "bwah ha ha GOT 'ya!"
Too stupid . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
HaWho, it was interesting to read about your h's reaction. After I got my w a mday gift her attitude toward me has changed quite a bit. I'm still keeping my expectations extremely low but if nothing else, she has been a lot better to deal with and I'm setting an example for the kids. I wonder if your h will do the same. And it does feel nice to do something for them doesn't it?
