I am truly amazed how much I detached today. Nothing to do with GAL, nothing to do with anything other than understanding she is a mess, she has more narcissistic traits than I realized, that she is paranoid for her own reasons, that this is almost over and she'll likely end up bankrupt, etc. She can have her loser friends, hopefully the impact to the kids will be minimal. Supposedly her friends are funding her trips... Half of her friends are unemployed, so that is going to run out. And some time has passed to heal the wounds, at least partially. I get time with my kids. I'll be back in my house soon. I think it's all uphill from here. Oh, and enough plans with my kids to stay busy all weekend. Just gotta find stuff for myself to do for the next 2 months when I don't have the kids.
Keep on documenting, do not stop. Even though you are D. Keep all receipts and annotate those statements. If you can go back and annotate previous statements. I do help others with D finances and I know absolutely how important knowing the numbers and producing summary schedules can be. If xWW spends beyond the permitted limits then you can recover (didn't say you want to) this stuff is leverage. There are plenty of online tools for Fins. Use them. Have two new accounts set up, one for bills and one for debts and loans to repay. Have a credit card for personal use and one for kid use. Keep things clean and attach receipts to the back of the cards.
Your WW is rewriting history in this.
You must get WW off your accounts so your fins are your own, the longer you leave this the worse it will be.
Please don't have third parties run your fins for you, big boy pants and do so yourself with facts. In emails or texts. Two squabbling children telling their mommies is going to escalate issues. This is a gentle V 2x4 as this stuff is tough, kids raising kids will give real problems. Time to become the rock for your kids if xWH is the hard place. Time to be a stable force for those kids. Time for love and hugs.
Emotional maturity on another thing, your kids are important if WW doesn't understand the schedule she is setting you up. When things go bad she may say 'you knew I didn't understand'.
If it were me then I would say 'WW in order for us to be clear on schedules, I have set up an online calender for kids schedules. Here is the log in. I have filled in the first two/three/four months of items as I see it. Please can you put appointments on there that you know of. Dentist, doctor, play dates.....
I want this to work for us xWW and to be calm so we can coparent easily. In future I want you and I to deal directly."
This is easier if you have a structure.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I actually have been tracking who made every charge since BD, and I have kept almost every single receipt. After the conversation between my mom and MIL last night I was thinking I should print it for xW. She has spent 3 times as much as I have (after normal bills). This should come as no surprise, it has been an argument between us for years, she had no sense of it even when I told her. Hopefully showing the numbers will get the point across, I'm thinking she will back down for lack of understanding the numbers, or just keep asking stupid questions forever.
The OFP says we have to keep the account joint, and the D doesn't finalize child support, so the account has to stay as is for now. W made a comment to my mom that she isn't sure if her atty is giving her all the letters from my atty. So, I'm going to print them all so W can see my atty is putting in lots of questions, hers isn't.
The OFP also doesn't allow direct communication between us. Everything about this OFP is getting ridiculous!
Good idea on the google docs calendar. I think you are right, that I will have to deal with her saying "you knew I didn't understand," just as life with her has always been. Frustrating. I don't think it will be intentional on her part, just a lack of intelligence.
Rewriting history... Is it ever going to stop? Seems the only way would be if I explained it to her, which of course means I am still trying to fix her, trying to control her.
Even with all of this, a part of me still misses her. I'd rather have her in my life and have to deal with her childishness, than to be alone and have to divide up our life. Besides, I may be forever trying to explain this stuff anyway. If someone showed up with a time machine I know exactly what I'd do different, I would run from her as fast as possible, before I got sucked in and drug down. Every time I read V's signature, I find myself reading it over and over and over!
V, I posted over in Lambo's thread. Most of what I said was a repeat, but hopefully it will help him hearing it again.
Also V, curious if you happened to have read my sitch from the beginning? Any pointers? (besides GAL, and detach, and tracking finances, and all those things that I am already working on) Anything that may help my M?
I received my DR book Thursday. Lots of info that might help me out if there wasn't an OFP against me. 5 1/2 months left on it, until I can talk to her myself again.
Not sure I want her back, but I "think" I want to be that person she feels safe talking to again. If she does decide to grow up at some point here, I'd like to see where it leads. Might take that 5 1/2 months for the rest of my anger at her for filing the OFP to go away.
It is very said that it has to come to having our mom's talk to each other, we are both in our 40's! Well, physically anyway, not sure about mentally. W putting on her big girl panties? I doubt it!
Forgot to note that part of the reason I had my mom try calling my W in the first place. I was supposed to be able to get stuff from my house by now, but her atty is dragging his feet. I was paranoid W was going to take my boat out, so I asked if my parents could go get it. W agreed. When W was talking to my mom earlier in the day, she was apparently scared I was going to get the boat myself without notifying W. Like really scared. I don't get what her paranoia is about, we would never do something like that without telling her first, and I can't go to the house at all myself. So I had my mom try calling W to calm her down both about that and about W thinking I am having her followed. I just can't believe how paranoid she is, borderline psychotic.
