Sotto, I'm glad you've lined up some friends to help you w/the packing and movement of furniture. Not only will they be there to help with the packing, but they will provide moral support to you as well. It's never easy to pack up and know that it may be your final visit to the home that you once loved...but again, they will be there to help you and w/the help, it will be a quick pack up and move. BTW, do you have room at your current place for the furniture you are moving or will you store it at somewhere?
Remember...don't sweat the small stuff...everything will fall into place. You've got this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi folks, I just wanted to let you know that we are now divorced. I received the paperwork from my L today. I felt a little sad, but didn't cry (yet....)
It has certainly been an incredible, searing and joyous journey so far - and I do feel I am probably gaining more than I have lost. I never would have thought I might say that at the very start. I do believe I have managed to save myself. I'm sure there might have been things I could have done differently that perhaps could have saved our marriage, but I do at least feel at peace with things and believe I did the best I was able.
Thank you so much for your support. I'm not sure if I'll continue to have a thread in this part of the forum - I may move off to 'surviving the big D' at some point soon....but for sure I'll keep posting on threads if I have anything useful to say!
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hugs for you today. You are a very amazing person. I am inspired to be as genuine & gracious as you.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Sotto, I'm so sorry that you received the paperwork from the lawyer today...but it's okay to feel a little sad....but there's a whole new world out there just waiting for you to explore. I think you'll discover that the weight you've been carrying around on your shoulders will begin to lift and you'll begin to feel lighter as the days go by.
Whether you remain here or over on the Surviving the Big D, we will find you and continue to be there to support you in any way that we can.
You've been an inspiration here and continue to support others. Your compassion, understanding, dignity and yes patience have always been in your postings. The world is a far better place w/you in it. I wish you all of the best!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm new here so haven't got a chance to read up on your entire story. But it sounds like you're very well respected around here, and I wish nothing but the best for good people in this world. My thoughts are with you and I hope you can find the path to happiness in your future.
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce being final today. I have followed you since I joined here about a year ago and you are such an amazing, caring and loving woman that I know your XH is a complete and utterly fool. I can also sense a better and greater life. Thank you for all the support you gave me when I was at my lowest. Please keep in touch with all of us as you have been sent by God to help us. Take care xx
I'm sorry too. It is always a final that pinch a mark on our lives, if it change course or not in the future, it is a moment we all didn't set ourselves to live.
But I also see you are moving forward and seeing hope in your future. You have been nurturing a healthy exit and it is positive for the years that will come.
You are a very clever girl and very gorgeous too, all good for you and I am sure you will thrive in your life.
For him, and it may be none of our business, but I see your XH making the same mistake. Looking for happiness everywhere else but himself. The shallow soul won't do it well again, so it is sad to see that he is not learning from his own mistakes. Well, life will tell.
Does nice guy knows about the latest news? I can even picture his ears flapping with happiness saying to you how sorry he is about this. Maybe he makes a move again? Well, now the road is clear and no one will be doing any wrong.
Hope you stick around. You are a very valuable person in this board and outside it too. Love you lots with all my heart and wish all the best to you.
Hi Sotto. Just another chapter in the wonderful story of Sotto. You humble us with your strength and grace on these boards. You've become a great friend to many and personally you've been a constant supporter and adviser to me
For very selfish reasons I would love you to stay on the board
Sotto, my heart goes out to you. I don’t know if you could do things differently and if it would help to save your marriage. I wonder about this myself quite often... You definitely saved yourself in all of this. You are an inspiration to me and to a lot of folks here. It is OK to cry, if you feel like it. I agree with others, your H is a fool.
(((((hugs)))))
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thank you so much everyone - I was very touched by your kind comments. I did cry last night and I still feel a little fragile this morning. The ending of a marriage is sad, and I'm partly relieved too.
The more difficult thoughts I've had - are H and OW celebrating his D tonight? - Maybe I'm deluded all along and living with me is hard going etc.
The more positive thoughts - I'm happy with myself. I honoured myself, honoured my vows and did my best in excruciatingly tough circumstances. I can sleep at night and live in peace with myself. I guess the positives outweigh the difficult thoughts.
The one thing I'm toying with is do I want to send a closing message to XH - along the lines of thank you for the many good times we had and good wishes for the future? I'm struggling a little between - would that help me? Does he 'deserve' that? Would I rather remain silent? I feel that to write about forgiveness would be premature - I am getting there, but haven't got there yet.
Also, I feel a little as though I'm 'spectre of the feast' now - at a place where none of us want to be. I know there are many positives in my sitch and where I am is no bad place to be - but do people really want to hear from a 'failed' DBer (I know I'm not a failure as such, but you know what I'm saying....)
Anyway, I'm off today and meeting up with an old friend for lunch, then I have a yoga class later. I'm working away tomorrow and Friday and have treated myself to a night in a nice hotel. We're going out for lunch on Friday at work and I have 'divorce group' plans on Friday evening, then a family party (that I don't feel like attending) on Saturday - busy times.
Thanks once again to you all. Every time I feel low, I will revisit your kind comments and remind myself that I am indeed fabulous xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
xx