So WW offered to move out earlier in the day, we get home and she says that she does not know why she moves out and she changed her mind. I said but i want you out, she said, but I don't want to go. I said too bad cos i don't want you in here.
So now she's packing her new room very nicely up. Gonna put our S to sleep early and go out and drink, cos apparently she cannot drink around me... she's getting the drift i guess. Will be nice to have an alcohol free house, when our S is here.
Who'd have thought that i'd be saying my WW is leaving me to screw another guy. But i guess thats my reality. Its like a car crash, first you look and are amazed, then the more you look the less upsetting it becomes.
My mother sent her a TM for her bday on sunday "I hope that you find what you heart desires this year." I hope she does too.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I've got first-hand experience with it and it feels awful, but I know you'll get through it and you'll be the improved Dustin.
I'm actually not perturbed at all. She's in her new room now, on the phone as always. It's insane to think that technology has allowed people to cheat so much easier. Clearly used to be more difficult with dial-up and landlines.
I think i'm just covering up, anxiety will come back when she leaves, at least I can close my bedroom door and "not worry" about her, and when she gets home.
I have also just done the budget and I have quite a bit of disposable income until she leaves the house, may just keep her around... She's upset that she cannot afford the Volvo though and will need to drive the new VW Up that i bought. I need a new job/increase also to not lose my lifestyle in this big house when she leaves. So will stay on the job market until i find something. God's will.
It appears that we're still on for vic falls, going to be fun. If fun is stabbing yourself in the eye each morning. I'm exaggerating, but need a relaxing holiday.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So my former WW friend says that things may have gotten physical, but maybe she didn't enjoy it. My heart skips a beat.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I do want my financial independence and her to enjoy hers, but don't want to push her away
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I'm worried about what she will think and she will do, that's why i'm feeling unsure as to whether i should split the budget.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I am better without her.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
cos apparently she cannot drink around me... she's getting the drift i guess.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
She's in her new room now, on the phone as always.
You still are doing all of this around you. You seem to know the things to say in that "Im protecting myself" and "Im letting go", but it's still really all about her. Where are you talking about your goals, your 180s, your GAL. Where are you out meeting new people, doing new things, being a new you.
You are expecting HER to change, but thats not right. YOU need to be the first to change, and so far, I havent really seen much. Theres been fits and starts, but overall, you still seem like the same DDJ as when you got here.
As for this:
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I probably should not have sent the first email to all, but F it. That's just how i felt.
This is what I mean. You still seem to me to be emotional, impatient, and controlling. This isnt just "not covering up", this is exposing and embarrassing her to her friends. Why do you think that will build attraction in her towards you?
Fri - supper and clubbing by myself Sat morn - I visit my WAS friend who i've not seen in months, who's H was an addict, and we share our pain Sat - first time i ever played golf, at a team building, going to do again next wknd with bros. Sat Nite - Played pool/snooker with my bro for the first time in about 8 years, I actually won him for the first time in my life. Great confidence booster, giving that my WW was celebrating her bday with another man. Sunday - Could not make church, But went for a 2 hour drive around our beautiful coastline whilst putting our S to sleep. Then took him to the other coastline on the way home as he was sleeping during the first ride. Promised him ice-cream so bought him one, he technically had it for supper.
Yesterday I met with the the project manager for my independent contract. She was in tears from her interaction with a work colleague. I walk in and see she's upset. I give her a big hug, I keep a cheerful demeanour and bring her out of her slump. I realise that we all have an impact on each other, based on how we bring ourselves across. If i was sad, then i'd just bring her down more. A positive attitude is really the difference between success and failure in life. I will maintain this positive attitude - I will not fail at this. I will succeed, because that's all that i know.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Oh, i also realised that I love cooking, fresh ingredients and flavour are my thing. Last night i made a ridiculously expensive meal for my friend who i've not seen since last year. I come alive when i cook.
As for building an attraction for my WW. It pains me to say it, but I don't want her back. Not after what she's done and is doing to me. I want a fresh start. i want to move forward. I don't to move backwards, and sticking with her is me moving backwards. Right now, that is how i feel. This might change, but i doubt it.
The focus is still on me, she is now peripheral. I do not talk about me becoming the new me. That I will achieve. However, dealing with detachment is what I need all of your help with.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
DDJ, your spirits and attitude seem to being doing better, it gets easier getting out of the funk! Glad to see you discussion about you and what you are doing.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
