I was the same. I used to settle and later resent it get angry and rub it on her face. Not very mature. When I met K I was very clear as to what I wanted. We are still working on the logistics since she has a D. Have fun with the new date
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Cadet, always the truth, the right? I just tell her the truth in a way she can understand and not get hurt. My biggest fear was my ex treating D the way he treated me. I prayed he wouldn't do that to his own D. It's painful watching it. It destroyed my self-esteem and worth and made me feel unloved by him. I have to do what I can to make sure that doesn't happen to her. I am no perfect parent by anymeans and can mess up, but I always apologize and remind her of everything great about her. Yes, hate to bring him up again, but D thought exNG was great and would compare him to her father and was genuinely amazed and I think relieved when she saw how a father-figure can be kind and non-judgemental to a little girl like her. It's a must-have quality for any man who enters our lives in the future.
Just want to thank you all for being there for me while I have been struggling. It has not been an easy last 2 months. My head has been messed up forgetting things and just not keeping everything together as well as I normally do. I have been quite absent-minded and overwhelmed. Just too much going on. It hasn't been affecting my work in general, but I made 2 little mistakes yesterday (nothing big, I named a file something silly, and something else) and my boss laughed and said "You really do need this vacation!" She is the best boss ever, actually. I said I sure do. I hope this trip is the rest button I so desperately need and I come back clear-minded.
Ginger, I agree with not sugarcoating things for your D. This is something that I struggle with for my own D as well.
And I just realised that I have to db my own kid as well. I can't just tell her stuff. I have to show her throufh my own actions.
It's lovely how your D has had a good example of how daddies/ grown men can treat little girls like her with love and respect. I am sure you will find another guy like that, and one that is willing to work for you too.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I am back! I had a wonderful time on my trip. The weather was great, the drinks, the food, the company. I was utterly relaxed the whole time. D8 called crying for the first day or 2 and the night before I left. She just doesn't like me being so far away. We facetimed morning and night, and she was fine. ex handled things for the most part with the help of his sister who got her to and from swimming, which I am thankful for, because she prefers her over the grandfather.
I burnt like you wouldn't believe despite sunscreen, but I am turning tanner than I have ever been in years, put on a few pounds which are coming off. The best part of the vacation was the beach butler, who if you tip them $15 a day, they treat you like royalty. She went to the beach where they make the jerk chicken everyday and had just delivered it to us wiout asking, brought us drinks she thought we would enjoy without asking, and chased me down with frozen aloe when she saw how badly I was burnt. This was probably my favorite part of the trip. No one does for me ever in real life. It was so nice ot have someone think of me and get something for me. A little awkward because I'm not used to it.
I even went back to work the next day and they gave us a half day. Score!
Mentally, it was nice to have my first few days in a the last 2 months where I didn't cry. Where my anxiety was almost non-existent. And I did bring some of that home with me. Back to normal life.
I had hoped exNG would leave my mind. He hasn't. There was so much there I knew he would enjoy. But I have come to accept he may just be a part of my thoughts. No taking them over, but just a part of them. Accepting that is easier than trying so hard ot rid myself of them and getting mad at myself when I can't. That just made me more frustrated. I don't want to always be frustrated and pissed at myself because I am having feelings I think I shouldn't have. That's not being nice to myself.
My class if over, I got my best grade yet. 2 weeks off now. I'm pretty busy, which is good. Tonight, my friends and I are going ot our favorite spot to do an early bday celebration since on my birthday weekend, we are celebrating another friend.
I'm feeling pretty good. I need ot do this every 6 months!
Ginger, I'm glad you had a nice time and relaxed. You need this break to recharge your battery.
I'm sure your little one was happy when you returned home. It's never easy when mom is away and not readily available, but at least you were able to stay in contact w/her.
Congratulations on your class grade! You worked very hard to get that grade.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks job! I think I need a second job to be able to this every 6 months. I really actually want to bring D8 there, actually. My friend and I discussed going just us and our daughters who are close friends. That stupid tooth that went bad a few months back left me with a $1000 bill...... so, we will see.
So, before I went away, I saw this message on my dating app.... I barely check it, but I was drawn to it. What an normal message, very good looking guy, 2 adorable kids, just the right age, and he lives in the neighboring town. I had to answer his message. So I did yesterday. Holy crap. We messaged back and forth for quite some time, and I had the goofy smile on my face. he is been widowed for 2 years. This is a new one for me.
between him being the only one, although he says he grandparent help and sitters, and both of our busy kid schedules, we are aiming for next Wednesday.
Call me, nuts, but instead of being afraid of jinxing this, I'm going to use the law of attraction. My gut is al over this one, I and I am going to let myself envision something wonderful.
I got the feeling. The feeling I thought I may not be able to get again.
Here's a suggestion on saving some $$ for trips that I use. I have a Vacation Jar and every time I have loose change, I drop the change into the jar. It slowly adds up and when the jar is full, I take it to the local bank or credit union and have the machine separate and calculate the amount that I have. Then I put that amount into my Vacation Account and leave it there and slowly, but surely I have enough to take a trip and not have to worry about finding the money to do so.
I'm glad you are going to meet up w/this gentleman. Sounds like he's just starting to get back on the dating track as well. Who knows? This could be a very good match for you...just go and have some fun. Keep your expectations at zero and try not to go into any heavy discussions about your xh. Stick to the here and now and you just might find that the two of you have interests in common. I know you won't do this...but don't try to compare him to the other men you've dated and hopefully he won't be comparing you either. It's an open book and one that you can write your own outcome for.
Good luck and I look forward to hearing how the meet up went.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So nice to hear about your vacation! You really needed that. I'm a firm believer that a vacation can refresh and renew and change your perspective. Jamaica is spectacular and I can see why you'd want to bring little G there.
I agree with Job and I used to always save my change for vacations - it does really add up. In Canada when I used my debit card (rather than credit card) I use "round it up". If I spend $6.50 on something , $3.50 is automatically deposited into my vacation account (one not easily accessed). I barely notice this but it does add up and then I have an automatic transfer for a comfortable amount taken from my chequing account once a week to the vacation account. Slow and steady.
When I first signed up for online dating I saw a widower on there with a daughter about my daughter's age. I thought how nice it would be to date someone who was not divorced. Someone I would avoid talking to about divorce. But alas - he was not interested in me so that failed. A few months later I met Josh - he was never married so I guess the same logic prevailed. I never saw myself with a man who had never been married or had kids yet that has worked out very well for me. Sometimes we don't really know what is right for us. This guy certainly sounds like he could be a good match for you. I strongly suggest not meeting each other's kids for a while though. Little G really has a hard time with attachment (who wouldn't) so waiting until you are sure might be best.
And it's always best to meet early on. You will know if there are sparks.i hope so!
Job, that's a great idea with the money! Except I almost never use cash, so I barely get change anymore:( Although I think I can devise a plan to get a few bucks in there a week.
I look forward to the date, hopefully we could make it work. I never get into the details of exH early on. I answer what is asked, and usually someone wants a little bit of a background, and what is important to me is that a date knows I did not cheat on my ex or leave him. With the time, the rest of the details come as they want to know. I never find myself comparing to ex's either, but I definitely keep my eyes wide open to red flags. I have zero expectations, but trying to remain positive.
Barb, the widow thing is uncharted territory for me and I had a little freak out over it yesterday. I googled him to do my proper research, and his W's obit came up. I had a mini panic attack about coming in after the beloved mother, wife, and daughter in law. My friend calmed me down about it, so I will shake it from my head. But I found him quite easily as he told me his high up position at a local catholic high school. He's legit.
Can I be brutally honest here? I do not plan on introducing D8 until I am honestly confident it is going anywhere with any guy. He would feel the same about his young kids too, I'm sure. Of course, he is truly a single parent and making time to date is super difficult for him. It's not so easy for me either. Dating is bad enough. Dating after divorce is bad enough. Dating at my age with young kids is like a strategical, complicated mission. I want long term, I want a partner in life. But sometimes I wonder if that hope is better left for when D8 is around 16/17 and in the meantime I go out, maybe find myself a special "friend" with no commitment. I am not kidding. I kind of had it and I blew it with feelings and stuff(not talking about ex NG) If I knew how to keep feelings on a certain level, and not let it get past there, this would honestly be the most ideal situation for me.
You are right, Barb, I really have no clue what is right is right for me. I'm just putting it out into the universe and what is right will find me.
