Ginger, I want to thank you for dropping by my thread.
I agree with what have been said about you. You are an incredibly strong woman with a heart of gold. I really appreciate you sharing your story with me.
I am praying that you will find a great guy who will love you and see you for the wonderful angel that you are. We need more mini mes of people like you.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Your words mean more than you will ever know. Helps me really view as myself as the same when I am struggling to do so.
I am VERY sentimental, it's the truth. I married my first real BF. My first real heartbreak was him. Multiple times with him even before we got married. I couldn't let go as I felt he had the most intimate part of me. And exNG was the next to get the most intimate part of me. Even more so than my ex. I don't give it away freely, but when I do, every part of my heart is all in. I find things shared with that person hard to let go of. Then way more difficult to know someone else so soon is sharing it with them.
So, it takes me a little longer.
As expected, I haven't hear from him this weekend. I'm sure he was otherwise occupied. I think I am just going to tell him to forget it.
You guys are right, I am not really accomplishing anything. I'm just going to focus on me, and just like with everything else, this will fade away.
Ginger, your posts really resonate with me. We have a young D and our xhs left us for OW.
And like you, xh was the only guy I had ever fallen in love with and I had ever loved. In the months leading up to the D, I refused to even mention 'love' and 'xh' in the same sentence to my C. It was too painful for me to say it out.
Like you, I only pour out my innermost thoughts here on the board.
I think you are very brave to allow xNG into your heart again. I know how much it takes. Some times I feel like I am a 1 man woman and I have used up my quota of love for this life time.
If xNG doesn't get you, I am sure someone else will.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
So, We had the talk. I actually texting him backing out of the talk. We both admitted we wanted to talk but were nervous.
Our first half hour were like we never ended. We caught up about our kids and lives and work, and politics, lol.
Then he brought up what was going to be my icebreaker, the defriending on FB. I explained why and I told him I as holding on to it and I told him it hurt. He remembers the timeline otherwise, but whatever.
Much to be said. But yes, we got into talks of us. I don't want to detailed on here, but it was eye opening. We admitted to still missing eachother. He asks about me all the time to mutual friend. He talks about me all the time to his secretary, and just the other day. We never met, but she is a fan of mine, lol. he indicated him and gf don't have what we had. Not much was said about them, but I can see it is a Band-Aid. His daughter can't stop talking about me, he said her mom is probably sick of hearing my name. Everyone misses me including him. he aid multiple times "I just keep walking away from the ones I love". We discussed that a little.
But..... still the same issues. he couldn't handle the distance and the commitment to the effort it takes to make the distance work.
Of course, there was so much more. It still come back to the same issues I can't resolve. It's not for me to resolve. And I know this.
There is peace and comfort knowing he just didn't toss me aside and forget me. Then there is that pain of loving someone you just can't be with. I do not regret speaking with him at all. It was actually nice. If it's ever meant to be, it will be, under the right circumstances. But I won't wait for it.
Jks,
I have quite soft spot for you because I can completely empathize with everything. I know how you are feeling now, and I know what good is to come for you, and you will embrace it when you experience it, I am quite sure. You have not used up your quota of love for a lifetime, I can assure you of that. And letting someone new is isn't as painful as I make it look. It was such a wonderful experience. As I get older, I realize people do come into our lives for a reason, and we can love multiple people, all of which teach us something different.
But..... still the same issues. he couldn't handle the distance and the commitment to the effort it takes to make the distance work....It still comes back to the same issues I can't resolve. It's not for me to resolve. And I know this.
Well....what can we say? I knew ex-NG would be mourning the loss of you. The man is a fool. He threw away the best thing that ever happened to him AND to his daughter, because he is afraid of commitment...and isn't willing to put forth the effort needed to be in a committed relationship with a woman who doesn't live around the corner, or better yet, with him.
You're right G, it's not up to you to try to solve ex-NG's issues. Anyway, I predict that ex-NG is going to decide that the work it would take to have a relationship with you IS worth the effort. And equally predict that you will be snapped up and in a committed, loving relationship with a fella named new-NG by then......
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
G, I'm gonna say this and if it is not needed then disregard it but know I say it because I care about you. Remember, this man wouldn't give you what you needed and, not only that, didn't bat an eye before starting another R...in fact, he started it before your R had even ended. That scares the hell out of me! Yes, I'm sure he has some wonderful qualities (or you wouldn't have been with him!) but he is also quite capable of compartmentalizing feelings big time. I don't believe this started due to the pain of a failed marriage, I tend to believe this way of dealing with feeling and relationship is a life long behaviour. This will not change!This does not mean he's a "bad" person but is someone who's bad for you! Don't let him "park" you...and leave that little light glowing in your head. Walk away and keep going...don't keep in touch or be his FB friend...and tell the friend who keeps updating you to stop!!!! You've got your "completion" so it's time to let go and keep moving. You deserve so much more! OK, rant finished
I did make a promise to myself that I would move forward no matter what after I did this. I am still sticking to that. My life and my heart are not going on hold. After 2 hours, it all came back to the same thing. He can't/won't give what I need. WII, you are right, he is a huge, self-admitted compartmentalizer.
It's just sad and a shame. And one day, he might realize it, but I'll most likely be long gone. So, forward march I go. Hoping to find the one who one day can act on the love they claim to have for me.
What Wii said. If it was what you needed to do then - its done. Its said. I hope it helps you move forward. For what it's worth. A year after leaving me Chuck told me he still loved me. He will always love me. And that maggot didn't hold a candle to me. Not even close.
Some guys just can't do what is best for them. Its just their M O. Their loss!
