Starting to do things right?

[Nate14]

Ralph said it best. My WW did the same things too.

[PacLove]

How many of you have considered relocating with your spouse? Every now and then W brings up the idea, somewhere else in the states or overseas - I know no talk in DB about the future, but if I could latch on to something like this it would certainly put her further away from AP. Then again I know it doesn't fix the issues - they'd still need to be worked on.

[PacLove]

She is manipulating you. .....
Regarding a sep, are you saying you would be able to trust a mutual agreement with this alien?

yes agree she's manipulating to some extent but she's also being more than fair by sharing costs such as the house cleaning, lawn care etc. that she probably doesn't need too. TBH I don't know that she know's what she's doing half the time or wants.

Like I said earlier we have each signed a separation agreement, it just hasn't been blessed by a L or a Judge.

I also look at the worse case scenario - she decides she stops paying for stuff? I stop helping her pay for her rent.

Ralph88 - do you think it would have been any easier had you had her agree to everything up front? you don't think if you got the L's involved earlier, it would have turned equally nasty?

[PacLove]

Another week gone by... W was out of town most of last week so I had a peaceful week. She was grasping for conversation one night on the phone to which I humored her for a bit then cut her off.

Had a really good chat with a friend who shared their story of infidelity last week, it was interesting to hear it from the other side and how they reconciled. However in their case once the infidelity was discovered it ended - in most of our cases - we are all waiting in limbo while trying to move on and GAL.

She surprised me last night calling and said she would like to come to Church with us - I said that she's welcome to join us if she'd like. I'm sure this was a chance to see D, but if it gets her into Church that's fine by me. She even joined me watching a TV show later after dinner but then we both went our separate ways.

It was interesting last night she actually asked permission to come into our bedroom and has started calling it my room/my bed in conversation - this makes me feel a little sad but at least she's acknowledging the boundaries.

I have family visiting later this week, it should be interesting to see how that all unfolds.

[PacLove]

So here's another interesting perspective from a different friend of mine - going through a D due to an A.

(Now that I'm going through this - it really hits home about how many M's are impacted by A's, I know of at least 4 and those are only the ones where people have been open to me about it)

Anyways back to my friend, it seems like both are open to R but so much damage has been done through the separation and D agreements that there's too much bitterness between the two of them to even talk about the possibility of R.

Why do I share this? I guess for the purpose of be cautious about how firm we are with our WAS if you are hopeful for R. While we need to set clear boundaries and get fairness, we also don't want to ruin the chances by getting into big custody/financial battles. While I'm not advocating compromise, what I personally am doing is holding off on any of those necessary conversations until they are really necessary.

[PacLove]

BTW another side comment (to give some hope out there) of the 4, 2 have R and have what appear to be great marriages, 1 has D and moved on, the other is currently going through D (and regretting it)

[Ralph88]

Everyone loses on a D, especially kids. However, although I never wanted to be D, there is way to much backstory to sit and wait for someone to work on them self, and be in constant cycle of wanting and needing OMs desires and complements. It's not fair to me or the kids. We deserve better, and not our circus or monkeys.

[PacLove]

Everyone loses on a D, especially kids. However, although I never wanted to be D, there is way to much backstory to sit and wait for someone to work on them self, and be in constant cycle of wanting and needing OMs desires and complements. It's not fair to me or the kids. We deserve better, and not our circus or monkeys.

Yeah some days I feel like that, and really moving on with life but at the same time I believe in the vows of marriage so am not willing to give up that easily... unfortunately she knows that too and is totally using that to her advantage right now.

[Ralph88]

My WW and I signed a sep agreement. Soon as I left, she went against 2 of the 3 points. I can choose to sue her for some finances, but is it worth the time? Was the agreement legal? Probably, but just like our M is only a piece of paper, in her eyes.

[Ralph88]

Not sure exactly what your question was about the Ls earlier...