As far as WW, I thought that definition includes a cheating spouse. I think she's a WAW, as there has been no cheating between us. Recently or in past.
So I just read a few articles on emotional bullying. I think there is a bit of a control issue for her (always wanting to be in driver seat, so to speak), but there's not any verbal abuse going on. Whatever is going on, its nowhere near as bad as some of those articles make EB out to be. I can tell though, that when she gets upset is when she threatens action.
Wayward: Turned or turning away from what is right or proper; willful; disobedient
I do not think an affair has to be present, in order to define a wayward. Waywardness begins in the heart. Resentment and disrespect may be shown in small or great degrees thoughout years of M, or maybe in a shorter period of time. Usually, some form of rebellion is displayed. It is not always an affair........but it's most common in what we see here.
If you don't want to believe the definition above fits your W, that's up to you. Considering she was the one who didn't want to work on the M and she was the one who stopped MC..........and the fact that she turned away from her H, her vows, home, and MR without there being some solid explanation for ending the M..........and she has bought her a condo........well, just saying...........she doesn't appear to be broken up about it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wayward: Turned or turning away from what is right or proper; willful; disobedient
I do not think an affair has to be present, in order to define a wayward. Waywardness begins in the heart. Resentment and disrespect may be shown in small or great degrees thoughout years of M, or maybe in a shorter period of time. Usually, some form of rebellion is displayed. It is not always an affair........but it's most common in what we see here.
If you don't want to believe the definition above fits your W, that's up to you. Considering she was the one who didn't want to work on the M and she was the one who stopped MC..........and the fact that she turned away from her H, her vows, home, and MR without there being some solid explanation for ending the M..........and she has bought her a condo........well, just saying...........she doesn't appear to be broken up about it.
ok, I misunderstood. I thought that was used as nomenclature on this site in particular for a cheating spouse. I totally agree about waywardedness. What really [censored] is that I believe she IS broken up about it, and has no idea how to express it. Like I said before, she's an emotional brick wall. Not without cracks though, that let me get a glimpse of whats really going on. I know she is not happy, I don't know why, and its not up to me to figure out, I'm just a casualty. Its all just a sad situation. But I can't help her right now, only myself.
What really [censored] is that I believe she IS broken up about it, and has no idea how to express it. Like I said before, she's an emotional brick wall. Not without cracks though, that let me get a glimpse of whats really going on. I know she is not happy, I don't know why, and its not up to me to figure out, I'm just a casualty. Its all just a sad situation. But I can't help her right now, only myself.
Digit, that is exactly right. Focusing on helping yourself is the key here. You can only control yourself,heal yourself, and make yourself the person only a fool would leave. She will have to decide what she will do. This is the core concept to Dbing as it relates to GAL, 180, and LRT. Remember this and you will be better no matter what the future holds for you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
What really [censored] is that I believe she IS broken up about it, and has no idea how to express it. Like I said before, she's an emotional brick wall. Not without cracks though, that let me get a glimpse of whats really going on. I know she is not happy, I don't know why, and its not up to me to figure out, I'm just a casualty. Its all just a sad situation. But I can't help her right now, only myself.
Digit, that is exactly right. Focusing on helping yourself is the key here. You can only control yourself,heal yourself, and make yourself the person only a fool would leave. She will have to decide what she will do. This is the core concept to Dbing as it relates to GAL, 180, and LRT. Remember this and you will be better no matter what the future holds for you.
Thanks. That's absolutely the course I'm on. It feels good too to know I'm doing it for the benefit of myself and no one else.
Funny side story, W asked if I wanted share a cigarette yesterday. (She just occasionally drags off of mine). She looked quite baffled when I told her I haven't had one in a week! One of the things I've been trying to kick that I'm now determined to succeed at, for no one else but myself and my own health.
I think the attitude usually comes close to identification. If a woman leaves her H b/c he has gone to prison for life, or he refuses to work to help support his wife & kids, or who is doing something cruel, indecent, abusive, etc..........you could see where she had good reason to leave. Even if she leaves b/c she has given up all hope that he will ever change........she is usually heartbroken and terribly discouraged, but she's not out acting like girls gone wild, staying out all night partying. She is usually not eager to start dating right after leaving her H. She is certainly not in any type of an A. And....although she may be resentful (I know I would be), disappointed, hurt, and maybe bitter.....she does not act like some hellcat with an entitlement attitude. and if he was that bad......then she probably deserves to act like a hellcat.
Many a husband doesn't know the truth until after his W has moved out. Then he learns she is already dating, and then learns the OM was waiting in the wings the entire time....and some don't wait, if you know what I mean.
I think the best way a man can arrive closer to knowing if she is wayward, or what......is to check himself to see if he has been a bad man. I don't mean he didn't show her enough attention, spend enough time with the kids, or a thousand other complaints you hear W's talking about. I mean, was he really bad enough for her to break up her family? Did he mistreat her, or was he a jerk, lazy and worthless? If he cannot point to one really legitmate issue, and has to sweep together remlents to come up with an excuse for her taking off.......I would start looking closer at the wife. What is her attitude and behavior, especially if he crosses her just a little? Which one has control issues? Which one has worn the pants? Has the H spoiled her (in one way or another)?What does she do when she's not happy with something he has done? How does she treat him in front of their kids? Does she make snide remarks, talk down to him, sound/act disgusted with him, or raise her voice to him? Does she order him around? Does he have to apologize, even if he did nothing wrong.....but wants peace between them? Would a person wonder how long it may have been since she has shown H a truly loving and warm W, or if she's a b'tch most of the time? These are just a few examples of a woman who is already wayward.......or well on her way. And all wayward women don't leave their nice home, b/c they like to cake eat too much.
It's true a lot of MR's die due to not being together enough. But when one spouse refuses to try and make things better...........I say to be suspicious.
So anyway, it didn't take all those words to give you the picture, but maybe it helped someone else who reads it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think the attitude usually comes close to identification. If a woman leaves her H b/c he has gone to prison for life, or he refuses to work to help support his wife & kids, or who is doing something cruel, indecent, abusive, etc..........you could see where she had good reason to leave. Even if she leaves b/c she has given up all hope that he will ever change........she is usually heartbroken and terribly discouraged, but she's not out acting like girls gone wild, staying out all night partying. She is usually not eager to start dating right after leaving her H. She is certainly not in any type of an A. And....although she may be resentful (I know I would be), disappointed, hurt, and maybe bitter.....she does not act like some hellcat with an entitlement attitude. and if he was that bad......then she probably deserves to act like a hellcat.
Many a husband doesn't know the truth until after his W has moved out. Then he learns she is already dating, and then learns the OM was waiting in the wings the entire time....and some don't wait, if you know what I mean.
I think the best way a man can arrive closer to knowing if she is wayward, or what......is to check himself to see if he has been a bad man. I don't mean he didn't show her enough attention, spend enough time with the kids, or a thousand other complaints you hear W's talking about. I mean, was he really bad enough for her to break up her family? Did he mistreat her, or was he a jerk, lazy and worthless? If he cannot point to one really legitmate issue, and has to sweep together remlents to come up with an excuse for her taking off.......I would start looking closer at the wife. What is her attitude and behavior, especially if he crosses her just a little? Which one has control issues? Which one has worn the pants? Has the H spoiled her (in one way or another)?What does she do when she's not happy with something he has done? How does she treat him in front of their kids? Does she make snide remarks, talk down to him, sound/act disgusted with him, or raise her voice to him? Does she order him around? Does he have to apologize, even if he did nothing wrong.....but wants peace between them? Would a person wonder how long it may have been since she has shown H a truly loving and warm W, or if she's a b'tch most of the time? These are just a few examples of a woman who is already wayward.......or well on her way. And all wayward women don't leave their nice home, b/c they like to cake eat too much.
It's true a lot of MR's die due to not being together enough. But when one spouse refuses to try and make things better...........I say to be suspicious.
So anyway, it didn't take all those words to give you the picture, but maybe it helped someone else who reads it.
Those are some strong words that are sure to help people, thanks. Now, I can't say for sure that there isnt OM, but I can say that we have always had a trusting relationship in that regard. Neither of us would hide something like that. We'd just come out with it and end things. I guess it's always possible, but that hasn't been our bag, ever.
I'm just taking things one day at a time, and will see what happens in the coming months after she moves out. But a lot of what you said does strike a chord in my regard. Yes, I've made mistakes, and I've moved past them, and continue to better myself. I've been a good H. I made a serious pledge to spend the rest of my life with her, better or worse and plan to follow thru on it. If she wants to walk away from that, I kinda feel bad for her cuz she's obviously mixed up and is doomed to do it again.
regarding helping out with SS school. I think part of the problem for me was I was trying to help HER help him. Moving forward, I'm going to help him on my own and she'll just have to manage without my help. That is what she wanted anyway, right?
