My thought for today. I wonder if I had found this site sooner my wife may not have made the decisions she did.
I feel like I did all the wrong things at the beginning and now she is in a full on affair. She's trying to push me out the door and this man is confessing his love to her, I assume she recipricates. She doesn't want to talk R, she doesn't look at me or acknowledge me when I'm around her. I could be a ghost really. Is that guilt? I don't know. She will text if she needs something. Which I usually ignore unless it's about the kids. She seems to be DB'ing me. Neither one of us is speaking to one another. She's already living her new "happy" life and I'm scratching my head thinking is this for real? Time is definately on my side but the days crawl. I'm GALing and following sandi's rules etc. not sure if I should start experimenting like the books say to do. Maybe make small goals. Try to get her to start saying good morning at least or ask how she's doing. It sounds like pursuing though so I don't know?
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
Don'y beat yourself up, Nate. Most of us "did all the wrong things."
You're on the right track, though. Set some goals for yourself.
What are some things you want to do for you?
What are some things you've always wanted to do but felt like you were held back from doing?
Go do those things now. There's nothing holding you back from that.
Goals are for you, BTW. Don't center your goals around your interactions with WW. I made that mistake in the beginning, too!
Remember that she is the one who is leaving you. She is the one cheating, and you don't deserve that, no one does... Let that give you strength.
You are a good person and a great dad. She should be lucky to have you and she needs to feel that loss. She'll feel it when you GAL for yourself and start doing things for you.
How would you treat an employer who fired you? would you try to get them to talk to you? would you center your life around trying to get that job back? That's your M right now. your WW went out and found a replacement for you before you even got fired! it's an unbelievably 'effed up situation. The same situation I was in and many, many others here are in.
I know I'm coming off as harsh, man, but I need you to understand that your worth to your WW is nonexistent right now... the key there is "right now."
You need to find that worth within yourself. Find the man you've always wanted to be and she will see it, but make the changes for you, or they will never stick!
there is a guy named "job" and he posed a wonderful thread on how to detach over in the MLC section (I think, if it's not there, I'll tell you where you can find it)
That's your homework today, man. Read that thread and start applying that to your sitch. You'll get there; detaching takes time and knowledge.
Thanks Again Mowgli for the Kick in the Ass! Your not coming off as harsh. it's well needed advice. I have been trying to get out there and GAL. The biggest thing I've been doing is I started going to the gym and swimming. I do plan on taking up Drums. Always wanted to, don't have a drum set yet and need to wait for this in house seperation to become a 2 home seperation and all the L talk and finances worked out. I've been doing a lot with the kids on my days off soccer, swimming, Taekwondo, Dance, etc when they are with me and WW is working which was pretty much the same as before BD.
I've been pretty good at detaching although I find when we are in the house together it triggers me and I get all off kilter. The remainder of the time I'm usually good. I will head over to MLC section and find the homework you gave me. Thanks for pep talk! It's needed some days.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
I almost couldn't be in the house with WW when I was going through it. I had to get out. It felt like my skin was crawling.
I would tell her that i'm leaving and just go. Wouldn't say where or anything. I tried to stay dressed up when I would do it, too. Wear cologne etc. Sometimes I would just go out for a drive and clear my head. Maybe call home and talk. Worst 4 months of my life.
What is your W seeing when she watches you at home? Are you speaking at all? Doyou act mad or hurt? How do you act when the kids are around both of you?
Everyone makes mistakes in marriages. Your W is wayward and fully engulfed in her fantasy. Both of you have to be responsible for your own part. You can't take the blame for what she is choosing to do now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Mowgli I'm doing the same. Sounds exactly like my life right now. Can't stand being here. I go to the gym, or anywhere that I can for the day. When its my day with the kids my WW is a nurse, she tends to pick up a lot of overtime so she is not home when I am. So far it is a exercise is living with high stress.
Sandi, the WW doesn't really watch me. If i'm around its when the kids are and I try to play with them. I do my laundry, make my bed, get ready for the day, looking good and smelling good. Then I head out. She is definately in her fantasy with OM. The other morning I heard her on the phone downstairs talking to OM and all I really caught was the tail end of the conversation. She said she had to go at the end cause I might come downstairs. I mean really, how dumb does she think I am. it's so frustrating to pretend to be dumb and collect all the evidence I have. Not that it helps me, no fault province, just for my own justification that she is crazy.
Today i felt punchy, I started a fight with her. I haven't said barely anything in days and I needed to get it out. Probably healthier ways, but I did. I saw her leaving OM house which is around the corner from ours, she didn't know I knew where he lived. She had said she was going to toy store for present for kids party tomorrow. Lies, lies, lies. Anyways She is going on monday to get seperation agreement drafted, that may be why I'm punchy too?
I basically told her that she was abondoning the family and her kids. That made her rage and I said well your giving the kids away 50% of the time and you don't even want to go to MC. She just said I wasn't helping my cause, I told her she doesn't even know what my cause is. I feel like I'm giving up a bit and just saying let it go and move on, or I just need to send some truth her way. I told her my concerns with OM moving in to our nice house from his crap place concerns me after I'm gone etc. Just alot that was on my chest, and put her in a rage today. I know it was all conter productive to what is taught her, but I feel I've been stuffing down everything I need to say and she walks around in a dreamworld not paying attention to anything in this house and not saying 2 words to me ever. It was time to unload a bit. oh well, back to being quiet now, just had to air out some of my anger. bad idea I know, couple steps back. I feel a bit better though, and knowing I'm leaving anyways, does it really matter at this point. She doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm here. I have lost a huge amount of weight, i go to the gym, I'm GALing as much as I can and I feel good. I just needed to let her know that I don't need her, I wanted to be a family but I don't need her and its too bad she's abondoning this family. I feel good though. sorry for the verbal diareaha.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
Sandi We usually don't speak, I try to be myself, which I'm usually a quiet but approachable guy. I'm not usually a happy in your face kinda guy. Not moody or upset though.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
I've also tried to be pleasant like say good morning at times and she completely ignores me. So I told her I feel she has a lot of resentment towards me and told her I'm not the enemy. All she said after that was "I know". Then continued on her business. She's like living in a no contact or eye contact or speaking world. It's bizarre. That's why today I had to rattle her cage a bit I think? It was getting to me.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
Well yesterday wife texted me that should meet me after my daughter's soccer game at my house. Text was meant for OM, I had fun with it and just texted back. you got the wrong dude.
Was working last night and got another text from wife that the kids will be staying at her parents for a sleepover. which is fine. It's her days with the kids. She hasn't been spending much time with them I have noticed on her days. She has been way too busy with ohter things, including OM. When I got home from work last night, at midnight. Surprise surprise, she didn't come home all night. That was expected though.
Talked with my soon to be XSIL. Her and I shared details of the family and whats going on. We agreed not to tell WW that we are talking. Not that it matters much to me, but it was nice because we are both on the same page it seems about the situation. Funny she mentioned that the WW noticed I had lost alot of weight and that the kids mention to her how much more time daddy spends playing with them. So it is true, if you make changes the WW will notice, she won't tell you though. Not that it makes a difference in her actions still these days, just nice to know that she is seeing differences in me.
WW goes to the L monday morning to start drafting the seperation agreement. Hoping it gets done soon, I need to get out of this circus of hers. It truly is draining living in this situation. Gonna get moving and go to the gym today before work. find it really is helpful to burn off some energy.
Went out friday night with a couple people form my past, from work and reconnected. it was nice to see them and catch up. both women used to work with me and one is goign through a seperation right now, that is why we all got together was to talk and vent etc. it was good to get out for a while and not worry about whats happening in my life.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
Be careful talking with soon to be ex relatives. They may seem to hear what you're saying, but you need to remember that when push comes to shove, blood is thicker than water.
I personally would't trust my SIL with that info. I know it would bet back to W.
