I can't believe I am posting again. But everyone has always been helpful here, sometimes lifesaving to me, and I thank you all.
I went to yoga last night then my IC. It was a nice combo. My mind stayed in the yoga class, and I let it OUT at IC. Hadn't been there in 3 weeks. Went through a box of tissues. I am very candid and honest with her. She was very supportive, and understands my pain, we discussed how it is surely tied to past relationships. She went off and rattled a list of all my positives and said I should never even think they are wrong or change them. I need to go back where my taking a stand and stating my needs was empowering and the betrayal should not overrule it. She applauds me for still seeing the good in people even when they hurt me, but I shouldn't lose sight of the good in me. She supports my decision for the talk, especially under the circumstance, no matter what happens, this is the end and I won't look anywhere else.
We did not talk last night. He texted when I got out of yoga that he was going to the dinner and he would be home late and asked if we could talk today. I said fine. Then he texted early this morning saying he lad a long road trip for work and asked I if I could talk then. I said I get no privacy at work and I would prefer not. He made a joke asking if I springing something big on him asked if I was pregnant. it lightened the mood because I told him I was (his biggest fear). I told him it was nothing big and if he couldn't talk tonight to call when he could. This weekend he says.
Ellie, I see your POV. I have fully decided to go into this not looking for answers. I don't want them, actually. I may get them even though I don't want them. I just want to clear the air, say my thoughts and release this burden I have been holding.
I had a good night last night. I was relaxed and at peace. Anxiety had left my body for one night. Yoga and therapy helped. I am doing the work to get to a good place. And my therapist said it's okay to be sad. She promised, it would pass. She knows I am working very hard at it, even if it isn't coming in the timeframe as I hoped.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We did not talk last night. He texted when I got out of yoga that he was going to the dinner and he would be home late and asked if we could talk today....Then he texted early this morning saying he lad a long road trip for work and asked I if I could talk then. .....I told him it was nothing big and if he couldn't talk tonight to call when he could. This weekend he says.
This seems to be ex-NG's m.o. I wonder what his excuse will be this weekend.
Glad you went to yoga, that always seems to make you feel better mentally. How do your feet hold up though? And also glad your IC validated your feelings, and reminded you of all the good that is in YOU! Cause there is plenty. Don't ever forget that, missy. NG's actions, your ex's actions, are all due to something wrong with THEM, not you.
Do you have any online dates lined up?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I actually think he is curious about what I have to say. But I am sure he has to wait to his GF isn't around. I am so whatever about it now. I'd like to say my piece and be done.
it's a slow learning process that everyone's actions aren't a reflection of who I am. I get it, but I get knocked off that thinking when the same things keep happening with the men I date. So I have to choose someone who is on the same page with me.
One good thing on the online dating front. A guy and I have been texting, but I can just tell it will complicated. he lives an hour away in PA, works a lot and has 2 young kids. He is an LPN, going to school to be an RN. Making the first date is a challenge because he is working so much and then going on vacation. so we agreed to drinks when we get back.
Yoga does help me a lot. it's hard to think about much when you are sweating buckets trying to hold a pose. You truly have to be there and mindful in the moment.
I got the cortisone shot and it's a little sore but feeling better. I'm going to do spin tonight and some other class this weekend. But I have to schedule my surgery if I want this gone. Time is the problem. I might do it for when D8 is on vacation with her dad.
I have been frustrated with all things on my plate lately, but I am taking it all in stride. One thing at a time.
you know me, We are having a conversation, not an emotional affair. He's not hiding me from his GF, it's just kind of weird to talk in front of your present one. He may even tell her we spoke. There is no flame rekindling here. Ex's do talk once in a blue moon, even when they are with new partners. It doesn't make them "other people"
I'll never, ever ever ever ever ever be the OW. I'm sorry you see it that way.
you know me, We are having a conversation, not an emotional affair. He's not hiding me from his GF, it's just kind of weird to talk in front of your present one. He may even tell her we spoke. There is no flame rekindling here. Ex's do talk once in a blue moon, even when they are with new partners. It doesn't make them "other people"
I'll never, ever ever ever ever ever be the OW. I'm sorry you see it that way.
Maybe I am not explaining it properly. It has NO relection on you it is all on him. He is continuing to run. He is wayward. He is in his own crisis.
G I'm not sure why you need to talk to him? You are just prolonging the pain. There is nothing to be said that would be of benefit to you the way I'm reading things.if he already has a GF that says a lot about him. Time to switch your brain off. Stop the negative views you have of yourself. Those views were created as you were growing up and kick in automatically. Learn to challenge them with more rational beliefs of yourself. Ok I'll shut up now
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
And I get the reference Cadet is making. I used to get that all the time. From the minute my ex left - he needed permission from OW to talk to me - like I was OW to her. It's nutty but that's the way it is...
I would stay out of the mess. I would not talk to him - it just boosts his ego (women just can't let me go...). And I would forget the event. Because even thinking about going will mess you up. Honestly to this day I have never met OW. Because even 15 years later - I know it will hurt me. And I just can't do that to myself.
Cadet, thank you for clarifying. yeah, he is wayward. I hope he does find his way.
This has zero to do about him. It's hard to explain. I actually wish him the best. And Id on't care if his ego is boosted by my out reach, because it's not the purpose. It's about a weight on my mind that has been affecting me. So either, the weight goes lessens with this, or it stays and I find another way to rid myself of it.
I'm not getting in the mess. I have realized life carries on and I would like to be at peace with myself and the people who have come into my life and have made an impact, it is just what works for me. it's just how I operate. I don't like to carry things in my heart and my head that are heavy, and where I drop my stuff off is different than others I guess. I appreciate all the opinions.
He did call last night, but I wasn't available. We had a small text exchange and it was friendly, unrelated to the topic, and I realize the feelings I thought might be attached to it aren't there. And it was a big relief for me to know that. The wondering what kind of feelings would be attached weighed me down to.
Anyways the focus is on ME. And I am taking good attention at making sure I realize my worth. I admittedly lost a bit of it, and I found it again.
My poor D8 was talking ot me last night about how mean her dad is, how he yells at everyone like her, W, and grandma and he seems like a monster and thinks something is wrong with him. She said she has no idea how dad came out of grandma, because grandma is so nice and sweet. I validated her and told her she is a good loving girl with a good loving heart, and it doesn't make it right, but sometimes dad doesn't know how to handle things when they don't work the way he wants. I assured her that her dad loves her, his wife, and his mom, but he has a hard time with his own emotions.
Sad. I never want my daughter to lose her self worth because the most important man in her life is such a monster.
