They DID clean the dorm room!! First thing they did was open all windows. Wonder what they made of the artificial Christmas tree? That's the first time it's been cleaned in almost 2 years!!
He is so sly. Listen to this one. He asked them to vacuum the already spotless living room?!? Maybe he was trying to make himself feel better. As if he is saying : you are not just here for me and my mess. You are here to "help" us all.
They spent 2 seconds on that (and probably wondered why they were bothering) and then ran down the hall to tackle the MLC wing of the house. 2 of them had been working on a small bathroom and that closet-sized dorm room for 1 1/2 hours!! How confusing for them. 95% of the house looks like the Taj Mahal and 5% looks like a scene out of Hoarders. What a disconnect.
And the fun never stops. Yesterday when I was vacuuming my car in the garage 2 birds flew in. I left the door open but they did not fly out. I heard h yelling at them. Poor birds. This morning he texts me that "whoever" let them in needs to get them out. They did their business on his MLC car and boy was he mad!! Good birdies!! So I covered the garage windows and made it dark in there and they flew out to the light.
So I text and say, "got the birds out. That was a lot of work but I own it as they flew in on my watch. So I took care of it. Regarding your cooking, please clean up your pots, pans and utensils when you are done. Thanks!" (See how I told him I took care of my part...hint, hint.)
Well, he gets home and somehow the garage door won't close even though it did after I let the birds out. And he texts me saying "whoever broke the garage door please fix it." (Guess my new name is "Whoever.") I know he is trying to stick it to me. Tit for tat. You ask me to clean up after myself, you fix the doors. I am sure he broken door coincides with those birds in there. They were perched on the rails. I have no problem fixing things. Actually, I enjoy figuring new things out. So I googled a few troubleshooting things and fixed that in 15 minutes. I know he had to be impressed as A) he never has the patience to fix anything and B) his only solution to every repair is either glue or tape (no joke).
I have cleaned the whole house, worked, taken care of the kids, fixed my ottoman, a drawer that fell off, broken garage doors, etc. Meanwhile he is like Cro-Magnon man, grunting and oohing and ahhhing over fire.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Just learned another reason he put the lock on the door. He has serious food allergies and his epi-pens are missing. He has accused me of stealing them and says (with no jest) that I am trying to kill him. I joked that I couldn't have stolen the epi-pens as I never could have survived the stench of the dorm room.
Oh, so that must be why he is cooking for himself, too? My, oh my, he thinks I hid his epi-pens and now I will poison him with foods to which he is allergic! (He did eat the cookies I baked though. Guess they were worth dying over.)
Mwah ha ha haaa. MLC cloak and dagger over here.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
OMG, HaWho! I’m reading this and thinking that it is like a soap opera. Whatever it is in his head is not right. You are trying to kills him… seriously!
At least he thought about cleaning his bathroom and the dorm room. You should have your family over more often, LOL.
I chuckled at the bird story. They knew exactly where to do their business, hehe.
Like ciluzen said, he is rebelling against something. And I think this something is the upcoming visit of your family. It is probably disturbing his “way of life” and forcing him to do things… and he probably knows that he has to behave too…
My guess is that he is going to be finding the reasons to present himself busy, so he would not have to participate in the family activities. I could be wrong though. I hope you enjoy the time with the family. Don’t let you H spoil it for you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Quick note re: the Epipens. I only recently learned that their price has been jacked up to obscene levels on the past few years ($575 for a two pack). For anyone out there who has to pay those prices, be aware you can order them from a Canadian pharmacy for $200 U.S. Instead.
Well, I told you the drama wasn't over yet and look what happened last evening. LOL!
So, the birds got in the garage...no big deal, you handled it very well. As for the garage door, I'm sure it was very simple fix...he's just itching for a major fight and you aren't taking his bait.
I'm sure the cleaning crew had a lot to talk about when they left your home. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't take photos and laughed all the way home. I know the deputies laughed about my xh when he had them escort him to my home so long ago.
BTW, him thinking that you are trying to kill him is a common thought w/the MLCer. My xh complained of stomach pains and I opened a new pack of of antacids in front of him and he swore I had put something in them to kill him. Paranoia at its finest. As for his pens, he either has misplaced them, they are in the suitcase in the garage or he's run out and needs to purchase new ones. However, kml is correct that you can get them from a pharmacy in Canada much cheaper. I get my medication from Canada and w/o a prescription.
Well, it's going to be very interesting. The weekend is here and the guests are going to be arriving very soon. His anxiety level is up and will continue to go up. Poor thing, he may even have a meltdown before the visit is over...but whatever you do, don't take his bait.
Good luck and I'll be thinking of you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know paranoia and depression enjoy each others' company. It is still astounding to witness. I keep the house 100% safe for his allergies and always have. None of those foods are even allowed in and I politely tell all guests that.
Sitting quiet, here is what I notice. Yes, Job, his anxiety is high due to the fact that family is visiting and we are pulling open the curtain. Let the show begin! He is trying his hardest to pick fights with me. I see it and it is so obvious. He is desperate to deflect and a good fight would help him out.
He is also grasping for control. He has locked the checkbook in the dorm room. I need access to that. I asked him to leave that out and explained I need it for me and for the kids. He said "hmm I don't know about that." I say: "well, then leave me 5 checks." This morning he left me 2 on the island.
But last night, as soon as that conversation ended and I got wind that he *thinks* he's going to be rationing MY checks to MY own money (!), I called the bank and express ordered myself 500 checks. Best $15 I ever spent. Those arrive Tuesday in plain packaging to my name only.
In good news; he did dish wash his own pan last night. But he waited 'til I was asleep to do so. I am sure he is trying to save face. But left his dishes on the counter. So I asked him to clean those up before my sister arrives.
Get ready folks. I have not seen him around family in 17 months. And last we were with family, it was 1 mo. Post BD, at Christmas. He unleashed verbally on his mother (in front of everyone). And my BIL, who knew nothing, went to my sister and said something was terribly wrong with my h. He said he couldn't follow his logic and he didn't seem to be making sense.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
When he sees me writing all those checks, beyond the measly two he gave me, he'll probably think I made a duplicate key to that stinky, MLC incubator of a room.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
His problem w/allergies (again) may have taken place on his trip and not in the home. But. again, paranoia plays a role in his crisis. Not your problem since you keep the home safe for him.
Oh, man! The checkbook is going to stink! He is desperately trying to maintain control and he doesn't want you to see what he's writing checks for and yes, he's also monitoring your check writing in his own little warped way. I have to say...nice job on ordering a batch of new checks. I hope he doesn't get the mail the day that they arrive.
I wonder if he's planning to start writing the checks on the account for the bills as well as balancing the checkbook. He really wants you to have to beg for things right now and he's going to find out you aren't playing that game w/him. I wonder what he'll do next.
Passive-aggressive behavior is out in full view these days. That is so funny about washing the pan after you went to sleep. I'm sure he left the dishes so that you had something to see this morning and make a comment about.
It's going to be a very interesting time around your home. I just hope that he can contain himself and behave...but you might get lucky and he'll take some nice long drives not be around much. Time will tell.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes Job he was waiting for me. So after I asked him to clean up his dishes he wrote:
FYI: Anytime you ask me to wash a dish, that dish goes in the trash. I bought them (like everything else) and I am generous enough to share them with you. Pitch in. I pay for the water to wash them, the soap and the dish. You can put some labor in. Those 3 are in the trash if you want them.
Very charming response. And they are in fact in the garbage. And he took the two checks off the island. He is definitely pulling out the PA behavior. He is very rebellious and struggling for control. And he is very, very nasty.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
