Still more detachment, (less) anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Cherry]

I spend more time than I should thinking of ways to out them. And way more time than should be acceptable thinking of ways to hurt ow. Just today at work I considered putting the heel of her louboutin through her head, but then why damage a good show. Slamming her head in a car door, shaving her hair off, and even just plain hoping she gets her next period in a tank of sharks.....

Not shame on you, you trusted your husband. The person you made vows to trust. Not shame on any of us here. We are the ones with morals, not these waste of space spouses. Who quite frankly if they cheat on us with them, they'll only go on and do to them with someone else and so on

[Ralph88]

I know we all tend to focus and fantasize about the AP, but remember if it wasn't that one our S was with it would be another. Our S is the most to blame from us. My WW is with a single OM. To him it's a prize I'm sure, and she probably told home all the same things she told the EA two years ago, and of course it wasn't all true, a lot of fantasy, and a lot of dogging me to get them comfortable with being in the inappropriate relationship.

[Phoebe]

Last night was the first night I got stuck on the OW. I know that 100% of the blame for his getting in an affair rests with my H. He is the one that made the choice to violate his marriage vows. AP is just an available bystander.

My fixation last night was only with telling her about his lies, not being angry with her. No interest in hurting her, either. Now H, yeah, I've had moments I wanted to punch him. Can't really deny that one...

[Painter]

I would also like to play OW some recordings of H... But she'll just find a way to excuse it, I'm sure.

I did text her at one time and told her she would be named in the divorce papers unless she left my H alone. She tried to claim that I threatened her and to stop stalking her. I told her it wasn't a threat, just a simple alert to the consequence of her actions as H and I live in an at-fault state. You could say free legal advice. And that she wouldn't have to worry about anything as long as she left H alone.

She said some other weird stuff, too... sounded exactly like H's borderline ex-W. The MC thought it was very, very strange stuff.

[BluWave]

Bluwave,

If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I want you on my team.

I literally just laughed out loud when I read this :-)))

[BluWave]

I spend more time than I should thinking of ways to out them. And way more time than should be acceptable thinking of ways to hurt ow. Just today at work I considered putting the heel of her louboutin through her head, but then why damage a good show. Slamming her head in a car door, shaving her hair off, and even just plain hoping she gets her next period in a tank of sharks.....

Not shame on you, you trusted your husband. The person you made vows to trust. Not shame on any of us here. We are the ones with morals, not these waste of space spouses. Who quite frankly if they cheat on us with them, they'll only go on and do to them with someone else and so on

Oh, Cherry! I love your honesty.

I cannot imagine having to work with H and with OW!!! Oh, that is just too awful! You must have some incredible self control!

Hugs!!!!!!!

-Blu
And no, she's not worth ruining shoes over, even crappy ones. She's not even worth separating pond scum over.

[BluWave]

Last night was the first night I got stuck on the OW. I know that 100% of the blame for his getting in an affair rests with my H. He is the one that made the choice to violate his marriage vows. AP is just an available bystander.

My fixation last night was only with telling her about his lies, not being angry with her. No interest in hurting her, either. Now H, yeah, I've had moments I wanted to punch him. Can't really deny that one...

Have you met other woman? I think that anger/betraya/intensityl towards AP is more common when you know the person. Cherry has to see her at work. Ugh. In my case. I thought she was one of my closest friends ....

[Phoebe]

No, thank goodness. I've never met or seen the AP, beyond photos.

The affair truly is only part of my H's puzzle. The lies for years before the affair, the secret life, the drugs, the disappearance, the encouragement of false hope for months after walk-away - those things were more than enough to get me to the point of falling apart at the seams.

I can't imagine if I actually knew or was friends with the OW. That's horrible. You ladies have had to deal with a lot.

I only found the AP's info due to H's/their hubris about putting stuff out on the Internet. I searched his full name and her first name, and, hey bingo, there they both were, liking each other's stuff online, signing up for things together, etc. It's not hard to find lots of stuff if they don't try to hide it. Either he thinks he's really smart and I'm stupid, or he wanted me to find it. Either way, I did. I haven't tipped any of my hand. it changes nothing anyway.

It would have been better if I hadn't found her, and I haven't gone looking since, but there's yet another bell I can't unring. I can't forget that I know her name and how to contact her. Instead, I have to resist the urge to do anything about it.

Oh, and when it comes to the zombie apocalypse, I'd like BOTH Cherry and BluWave on my team!!! LOL. Maybe it'll be all of us LBSs against the wayward zombies?

Anyhow, just a bit of journaling...

Not much to report for the day, beyond not doing much in terms of GAL activities. Totally struggling in that department again. I did talk to a friend for an hour, I had some fun with my flock of chickens, I transplanted a few dozen tomato plants with my Mom and then watched a movie with her this evening. That meant most of the day was by myself, and I felt like I was just passing the hours. It's a far cry from how good I was feeling in the week or so before my trip to the other house. Riding that lovely roller coaster down and hoping for some sleep.

My best to everyone, and sending special strength out to SadHub. He is my pencil smile hero and right now he deserves some much-needed peace and quiet.

[Painter]

I know it happens, but I can't imagine knowing or having to work with OW! I would not have the self-control to not confront or out.

Phoebe, what goes on in the area you live in? Can you volunteer somewhere (I'm thinking any animal shelter will love to have you!)? Are there any meetup groups? Garden societies?

[Phoebe]

Hey Painter. I'm sure there are plenty of things that I could be doing. I just have to get out and DO them. Tonight is my first BAN meeting, so that's something. I still have a lot of trepidation about it, because I have no idea what to expect.

I'm really disappointed about the DivorceCare availability locally. Yesterday morning I searched the website for a group nearby (I've been looking every few days), and a new group within 50 miles finally showed up. It was supposed to start on 6/26, and I got all excited! Yeah - a new social thing I could do that was geared toward others like me. I didn't note which church it was at, only the city, because, who'd think I needed that info right away when it starts in June? Well..... I reloaded the page to see if there were any more options, and the 6/26 series was GONE!!! Huh? Now the next one that's starting isn't until September, in a different city and church. well, bummer.

A couple nights ago I signed up as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity because that kind of work is right up my alley. I was getting excited to put some of my skills to work for a good cause, but there are no builds scheduled in the area in the next few months. All registered, and nowhere to swing a hammer. I have plenty of such things I could be doing on my own place, but that's not exactly the social experience I was looking for.

So, still working on the GAL thing. Hands shaking like mad this morning, reminding me how ridiculous I would be trying to wield surgical instruments or syringes. Fine motor skills are an issue, even writing. Grrrr. I had hoped the beta-blockers would help, but the one day I seemed better after increasing the dose must have been a coincidence.

I was feeling a bit sad again this morning, but I just let myself feel it and it passed in about half an hour. That technique is definitely helping me. I still need to work on my grief homework, as I see my counselor on Friday. The only one I hurt if I slack off is myself.