No, it's not a bed of roses for him at this time. They all thought the pot of gold was at the end of the rainbow and everything was pixies and unicorns...but it isn't.
As for his mother sharing info w/you...be careful of that. She may be telling you this stuff to see what your reaction will be and then relaying it to him.
So, now the offer of the children spending time w/you for Mother's Day has come to light...his mother has booked a holiday with him and the kids on your weekend. That explains why he thought of you on that special day. Did you advise her that the trip is booked on your weekend to have the kids? If not, you should have and requested that it be changed. In some cases, they will use someone else to do their dirty work for them and so he figured you wouldn't ask his mother to change the dates, i.e., you would go along with him having them on your weekend. Gosh...he's a real piece of work.
Whatever he believes he thinks he'll get w/mediation, well, that could change and whatever is agreed upon in the way of visitation will need to be adhered to. Maybe he thinks that if he has the children more the child support will lessen. I can't imagine the ow wanting your children there more often than not, but again, if it's to prove to him that she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep him, she might go along w/more time w/the children for a while...but I can't see this continuing for a long time.
My MIL would call me and talk for hours, telling me what an idiot H was. She then would tell H everything AND would tell H she didn't want to be around me as she felt uncomfortable. (I read all the texts from MIL to H so I know exactly what was said) She had no problem visiting H at OW house & staying the night there. She welcomed OW at family outings....
Be VERY careful! I might even suggest if she brings up the topic to gently say that you would rather not think about that topic right now.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
To be honest I don't think she's that devious...she has been through a nasty divorce herself and is very empathetic.
Although I imagine h may have engineered that mil tell me . I didn't know for definitive it was my weekend yesterday but I do now. But yes unbelievable how he agreed to this holiday without consulting me..
The chances of him increasing access is unlikely. He lives an hour away so can't have them in the week and he gets holidays anyway. Financially he pays the bear minimum in child maintenance...not much reduction possible.
I imagine life is not as rosy too. When he has the kids most of the time it seems he is out with them on his own...not her. That would get my back up eventually.
He is such an idiot. The more I think about it why would I want the idiot back anyway. He's acted like a complete twit.
Your MIL may not be that devious, but blood is thicker than water and trust me, she tells him some of what you talk about. She may not have been aware that the trip was schedule on your weekend w/the children, but you do need to ask her to change it since it is your regularly scheduled time to be w/your children. He knew exactly what he was doing when this trip was scheduled and he most likely wasn't planning on telling you himself...thus...mommy told you. He knew you wouldn't put up a fight and stand your ground w/his mommy. He's not stupid by any means.
Your h had choices and he's made the wrong ones, i.e., whether he's happy or not...that's on him. However, you have choices too and you need to make sure that you are happy w/whatever choices you make or thinking of making. Count to ten or wait 24-48 hours before making any decisions and then you'll be much calmer and ready to make a choice that is right for you. I use this method on many of the choices that I have to make and it really does work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OMG, I can't agree with job any more than I already do! I've used that same "pause" of 24-48 hours and it has been a very effective thing to learn both with my ex and her h, as well as just life in general. Very useful to do that. It gives you time to make sure your choices are yours and you are making choices you can live with. That's really important, don't you think?
Looks like job is a moderator now. Good choice!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
To be honest I don't think she's that devious...she has been through a nasty divorce herself and is very empathetic.
My MIL has been super supportive so far, so maybe there are exceptions? However, I agree with everyone else, be careful, at the end of the day people let you down when you don't expect it. If my H's MLC taught me anything it is that even the people we trust hurt us. If your H hurt you, what stops your MIL to do the same?
Originally Posted By: Mia2003
He is such an idiot. The more I think about it why would I want the idiot back anyway. He's acted like a complete twit.
I also agree with this. They don't make themselves the "catch of the day" really do they? I find that I have to invest a lot of energy into not dumping him, a lot of reading and thinking of my kids. It is so hard though, isn't it?
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
He dropped the kids yesterday after McDonald's and went on about mediation again. I texted him to say that any conversation in future about this need to be done in person, not by text or phone, but not on doorstop when dropping off kids.as it was inappropriate .
He texted to say he didn't think it was inappropriate any more so than the things I'd said in front of kids.
Always comes back with a dig. I admit I may have said things in past but only after everything he has done. I was angry but he loves to dig it in.
Nothing I have ever said or done is as awful as what he has done to the kids by walking out and then moving in with own6 months later. Is it?
Should I respond to his text saying something on the lines of stop the digs, nothing I have said or done has caused as much hurt to the kids as your choices over the past year. Part of me thinks respond but the rational part says don't be silly.
Mother's Day? Do you mean the holiday that his mother has booked on my weekend?
Hi Mia, I think going with the rational part of you is a good plan here & let go on any response. He will think what he things and text as he will - doesn't mean you need to get drawn in and defend yourself. If you do that, I think things just spiral downwards - well, you did this that was awful - well you did that etc.
And in terms of interactions about the kids, I would minimise these - essentials only - and model how you would like these to take place. Can I ask, if you want them to take place face to face but not with the kids there, how does that work? Wouldn't that involve you meeting separately?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
