I think you are still trying to control things that are outside your span of control. Focus on the parts you can control - you accepting things as they now are. You building a life separate to her, Your own fears about being alone, or with a new partner. These are the places where you can make a difference now.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Reading your post makes me think that you really need to check out some information and get some assistance with detachment and codependency. You know the clingy thing is never going to help your situation. Read your post. Would you be attracted to you? You also seem very focused on the loss of things that are gone right now and that is not helping you. Maybe look into a divorce care group. This can help you understand the feelings you are wrestling with. You sound as if you need some true understanding of what you are wrestling with in your mind.
I know how hard it is, and I would venture to say that each of us that post on your thread understand the feeling you are going through, but only you can take the steps needed to move forward.
Look at it this way, if one is fat and over weight, and in bad shape, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, etc. They wake up one morning and realize changes have to be made. Sacrifices have to be made, because only through this will good health be achieved.
There will be lamenting the ice cream and chocolate cake, because it no longer can be eaten. Exercise is extremely painful, because the body is so out of shape. And the only way to stick to the new healthy plan is to have a strong positive mental attitude. Many fail to make changes because the focus is lost on the comfort of bad habits, and the success of the things we want seem unattainable because so much hard work is needed.
In short, if you do not change what you are focused on, you will struggle to find the mental strength to do what you know is right. You can not see what the reward is on the other side, but so many on these boards have shared the benefits. Trust that. Do the work, and be aware of what you are focused on.
I feel your pain, I pray you can find the strength needed, and I send you positive vibes that you can see hope in front of you and move towards it.
Have a good day my friend, and do something fun, something that is fun for you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I think sadhub gives a good way of looking at it. Your brain is a muscle, so, make it have a work out and get yourself in shape mentally. Oh, yeah, it's going to be mega difficult, and you will backslide, but you're not going to win this battle without doing something for yourself.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
She is being more secretive with her phone and her iPad but I am fairly sure that there is no EA or PA she tells me that because of how I have treated her she does not feel she could ever trust another man and get into another relationship
She is hiding something, but it does not matter what she hiding; you should still focus on yourself.
Originally Posted By: ATPeace
My wife wlways told me that the most important thing to me in our marrage was if I got it in the bedroom
That is a mean thing to say. You know it is not true. Why are you wasting time defending yourself? Your W is not being rational. She will do and say anything to advance her own agenda. You need to open your eyes ASAP.
It sounds like you are progressing. Well done. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is what is needed. Keep at it. Stay in the moment when you are experiencing the joy. Talk out loud when you feel the mind wandering. It is a good trick I try, because the mind can't focus on 2 things at a time. For example when you are working out, count out loud or state affirmations of good things about yourself out loud. It may make you feel weird sometimes, but trust me, it really does work.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Well I thought I would post an update and there is very little to update
I went go kart racing again last night with my son and we both had a really good time.
I need to keep at the fitness the last few weeks I have struggled to find times,to go and,this is not good it makes me feel that I am back doing things by halves
W and I still doing things that we used to do before the bomb date in fact taking intamacy and lovemaking out of the equation I would say that we actually have been having a better relationship I would go as far as to say that the relationship is a lot less argumentative and my relationship with my children has also been a lot better.
I do not want a life without intamacy but I know i cannot push for this we have been talking about going on holiday as a family in August ....but she does not want to work on our marriage her friends will be still telling her that she is making the right decision and probably asking her when she will leave and,push for divorce
She has a good friend that is going through the same almost feels they are doing this together
I know my w reads and,posts motivational posts on Facebook about moving on and being strong
I have to give her space and time keep working on me become a better person
So as,I say not much to report I would t are the above 100 times over rather than to have her leave,sell the house and go completely our own ways
Thank you for,checking in on me I will look in on your posts later
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
I have taken all the blame in the breakdown of our marriage and today it stops yes I will own my [censored] but for too long she has had me on strings like a puppet Blaming me for everything
Time to let go no more trying to fix things
I love my job I love my kids I have my health
I have started going go kart racing ...this is fun more fun than I possibly realised another good reason to loose weight
My son beat me by .2 of a second I am going to claim a technical win I weigh about 70 lbs more than him so power to weight ratio he should have destroyed me but he didn't !!!!!
We had a lot of fun
Time for sleep but for me back in the mindset of working out three times a week,
It's time to be happy again
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
