Take care, pray, and take time to meditate. Prayer and meditation are good for the soul and the quiet time where you are focused is time that answers can present themselves to you. It sounds as if you have many obstacles, but there are options that can be presented as you step out of the middle of it for a few minutes.
You are taking good steps by focusing on the children and yourself.
Take care and continue to seek for information and solutions and you will find them
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I'd love to let you know how it goes tonight, but she had therapy at 2 today and said she'd be home right after. I deposited money into the account today because we needed groceries and we planned on going to the store when we both met back at the house after I picked up the kids and she had therapy. its now 4:30 and she is not home. Which tells me she is sabotaging my meeting tonight.
I made the mistake of telling her I was going to the all-men's alanon tonight. We have no groceries and she had the card.
I confronted her last night about lying to me and she told me she hated me and I'm a loser for not having a job. I am an executive and have provided this lady a lavish life-style. I'm still interviewing but there is a real possibility of us losing the house.
She uses that stress as an excuse to run off. In a marriage you stick together through the good and the bad. I'm not only dealing with a cheating wife but trying to find a job. I have a huge interview at the first of the week. Trying desperately to keep my head on straight.
When she comes home later (if she comes home), I'm going to act as if nothing is even wrong. Not going to ask where she has been, etc.....
She will say she stays away because she doesn't want to be around me (she's co-dependant just like me) but that is an excuse.
I've decided in my mind that I am going to detach. There is no saving this marriage and I am doing my best to accept it. I need to focus on getting a job and getting a divorce. It's tough to heal when you are living in the same house with them.
You might need to keep the money seperate make sure you buy food. The kids dinners needs come first.
Believe nothing you hear or she says cheaters are always liars. I would personally not give her any moneies in a place she can access or she may spend in Om and drugs.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
It's tough to think you were seen as a meal ticket and have no use beyond that, which is what I think you are telling yourself.
Please stop, waywards lie and manipulate, justifying their behaviour perhaps you can discuss matters with a financial adviser.
You and the children are too precious and important to be vulnerable to drugs, alcohol and grot bags. Keep your personal activities to yourself, of course your WW will interfere with your plans that's part of the behaviour. Hold your counsel and stay calm.
If you make any cash available to WW then it will go to waste. As for giving her the card, please stop, you can't nice her back to you this way. This is typical codependent behaviour and back foots you.
This sitch isn't going to be resolved by you having a high earning career, and having a career is for you and your boys for maintaining your life. If that doesn't happen you are still a father and a man who can grow and become someone only a fool would leave.
You make changes for you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks. She shot me a text at 7 last night to please tell our son she'd be home in time to put him to bed. I didn't give him the message and I'm glad I didn't because she never came home. Im sure the OM made sure she had another drink so she'd be too drunk to drive home. Despicable.
Today she will come home sick and swear she's never going to drink again, etc... She has to know this guy is bad for her, but she is such an addict that she doesn't care.
Praying I get a good job soon so I can do all I can to take the boys and get on with our lives. If it weren't for my fear of them being alone with her all weekend I would leave for the weekend with no contact. She has no consequences for her actions.
I left this morning after getting the boys ready (she had't come home) and got a text from her asking if I had left. She feels guilty for our son and said she arranged a sleepover for him tonight with a friend at our house.
She tried to call me earlier but I ignored the call. Tonight I will just retire to my bedroom and NOT sit on the couch and watch movies with her like I ALWAYS do. This time I don't think she is even going to be remorseful. Doesn't matter. I have to find a good job and get the boys and me out of this mess.
It's just hard to detach while living in the same house.
Update: I came home for lunch today and she was sick in bed from her binge. She said she would pick up our son and his friend from school and was going to clean the house.
At 2:30 I had a hunch she hadn't gotten up so I went and got the boys. They are all playing in the backyard and she is still asleep. I'm not saying a word to her. I have been an excellent communicator for 20 years. One would argue I have made a great living by the sweat of my tongue, but it does no good.
I am worried about my boys losing their mother. Her addictions are only getting worse and if she doesn't get away from the OM I'm afraid something horrible is going to happen. Im crossing my fingers I get the job on Monday and then I will retain an attorney and have her thrown out of the house.
I'm done.... Not longing for her any longer. Today was my breaking point. For the first time I looked at her and loathed her while she was in bed. She had the nerve to ask me where I was going when I left the room. Incredible. I'm not telling her my plan though. I am going to be civil and kind (I am a Christian and hope this doesn't offend anyone). I want to set a good example for my boys and be kind with boundaries regardless.
Her family called me yesterday and said something has to happen. They know about the OM and DO NOT want their grandchildren around him as he has a rap sheet a mile long. They said they called them high Thursday asking to co-sign on a new house for them!!!!
So what? You are going to try and move all the kids in together without even introducing everyone? Craziness. As much as I want too, I am not going to say a word. They are begging me to get custody of the kids. I have to get a job first. They also told me so many lies WW has said about me to them. Don't know if its the addict or her personality.
Suffice it to say, I am in shock today. Confronting does no good. To verify her mother was not lying to me, I did what I shouldn't have done and looked at her phone. Sure enough, it was true. It is interesting to me that he is so needy and clingy and does about 90% of the texting. She has him where she wants him too.
This morning she tried to cuddle in bed with me and I got up and went downstairs. I'm not going to be sucked back into her trap again.
