[Cadet]

I have also been separated for 7 months. My husband has not spoken a word to me since he left. He picks up daughter and leaves never makes eye contact. Will this change

I suggest you start your own thread to get advice

How to start a thread

I will use what Job wrote


First Click on Newcomers then:

Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.

Plus How to link your threads

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2588047#Post2588047

[JohnnyB]

Hi, i'm sorry you have found that you are unfortunately in a similar position, i'm not sure what to say, with my wife we have spoken but its only about my daughter and this hasn't changed. Although i've actively been working on detaching it hasn't stopped the endless thoughts of how we got to this position. It is hard but i've been very wrapped up with work so that has helped as a distraction.

It does seem that if he is unable to make eye contact he is feeling guilty about something and is feeling rather awkward, he will have to talk at some point about decisions you will need to make about your daughter and her welfare, this could also be an opportunity to improve communication generally,

I do hope thing will improve for you, there are some very helpful and knowledgeable people on this site and one good piece of advise is to GAL, not one i practice very well myself, although i'm enjoying getting back into playing the guitar.

Look after yourself and focus on you and your daughter, good luck

[1gr8dad]

Johnny, what are next steps for you?

[JohnnyB]

Next steps, really don’t know, things aren’t changing, things aren’t improving, I’ve been GAL and looking after myself, playing guitar regularly and detaching but to be honest I’m living on autopilot, inside I’m completely empty I’m just a shell, I don’t fit in anywhere, everyone one I’ve known has vanished, I feel I don’t fit in with the world as it stands, I feel like a ghost just existing with to be honest not much of a future. Work has been very busy so I’m just focusing on that.

The initial strength I had is slipping away so I suppose I’ve been living in denial and being unable to forgive myself for allowing it to get to this. The pain hasn’t reduced but the realisation that there are years of pain to come regarding missing my daughter is now being highlighted, were I go now I don’t know, I’ll lose the house, my job finishes soon really don’t know any more really.

[1gr8dad]

Are there any positive things than your can notice in your life now? Any new or reignited friendships you are actively seeking out?

How's your daughter doing?

[JohnnyB]

Well work is really busy so i've been focussing on that, but it is finishing soon. This has been taking most of my time, but i shouldn't really be using it as a distraction. Its very difficult to meet people, its interesting that now i'm in this situation everyone seems to be in couples or groups of friends with no interest in a fifty year old guy joining in, ironically the person i've been seeing the most is my brother in-law, playing guitars and having a few drinks.

My daughter is doing really well, she's going through a busy period of exams, she did stay for a few days the other week and we had a great time, went to a show and did some baking together.

Someone who knows my wife thinks that she isn't doing anything as she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, which i don't understand, she also said that she doesn't understand why my wife is doing what she is doing, but she won't come back.

What i'm finding hard is trying to block out 24 years of memories and trying to make sense of it all.

[CWOL]

Finally, I used a guided meditation to fight anxiety before and after I see my WW/STBXW. (you can download scribd on your smartphone and get the healing guided meditation audio book. It's about 15mins and it does wonders)

Hi 1gr8dad,
I looked on scribd but could not find that particular audio book. There were several with similar names but none were 15 minutes long. Is it still up there?

[1gr8dad]

I'm listening to Heal Your Broken Heart on Scribd. Check it out: https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/242584883

[CWOL]

I'm listening to Heal Your Broken Heart on Scribd. Check it out: https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/242584883

Great! Thanks, I will look for it.

[1gr8dad]

What i'm finding hard is trying to block out 24 years of memories and trying to make sense of it all.

I hear you JohnnyB

Try this. Put those 24 years of memories on hold. Take focus away from them for now, after-all they will always be honoured by your family and they are not going anywhere.

You are now on a temporary sabbatical. A time out for yourself. Remember way back when you were a bachelor, you were in charge of your own happiness and no one else's. Didn't you have a good life back than too?

I think we tend to focus too much on the loss, fear and dysfunction of Separation that we forget that we can instead focus on our own happiness.

If we can keep focussed on our happiness things begin to slowly shift and new perspective is gained.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy at work too, I think that's a good distraction. Have your downloaded the meetup app, give that a shot.

You're in my prayers brother.