Fingers crossed for you! I hope you have a beautiful and peaceful drive. If you start to feel your mind racing, crank that radio up, roll down the windows, and sing out loud!
You got this!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Safe travels and remember to "act as if" . I love this advice from MWD. It applies to everything in life. Act as if this will be a calm peacful trip. Act as if everything will go as you plan. And if some of the circumstances change, act as if it is no big deal and you are still a happy confident person.
As I reflect on my current challenges I see that my anxiety is focused on worse case scenarios and so I act as if that will be the case. Then the whole self fulfilling thing happens. I have set goals to do the opposite. I will look at situations and see the best case scenarios so I can act as if they will happen. That way even if it does not, then I have still acted as if and will be better for it. I am learning also to act as if I have no expectations from others and then no matter what they do or say, it's not my concern.
Now I say this and know easier said than done, but I have to make a shift and sharing this with you is as much for you as it is for me.
Safe travels and may your trip go well for you.
Sending rainbow hugs for strength ((()))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Ugh. Halfway through my drive and taking a break and realizing that I'm nervous.
Haven't sent my text notification to H yet that I will be there tonight. Not even sure yet how to phrase it. Worried what I will find in our house. Also feeling angry at him for everything he has done and continues to do.
Distance was better.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Hope all goes well with seeing him- if you see him. It can't be an easy trip so sending you lots of strength.
Your posts make me so happy and proud, you are coming on so great, it's great. And I would so love to lie on the grass with you and watch a nice sunset.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Not seeing him, though as soon as I sent my text telling him I'd be here overnight he asked if we could meet tomorrow.
I got to our house, found all the photos of me, us, and my family all hidden away, our couch gone, and some art gone, the gifts he dissed at our last meeting all stuffed in s closet. Lawn overgrown, water feature almost dry, place looks abandoned. Now I'm angry. I told him that I was here, and no, I would not see him tomorrow, that I wasn't up for any excitement in this trip. What a monumental jerk.
House is so empty. Hate it here and, quite frankly, I'm kind of hating him right now, too.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Let the ripples of anger flow through. V has shared with me that it is healthy, ecspecially the white anger.
I have been feeling it a bit more and it actually calms me a bit. It helps me focus on what I know I can accomplish. There is a saying that goes something like, the best way to get revenge is by doing what they say you could not. I am bending that quote to sound something like, the best way to have her regret leaving me, is to prove that I can be the man that she is foolish for leaving. That stokes the white anger for me.
I see some shadows of that coming from your last post. I would say trade the hate for anger. Stoke that fire for a bit if needed. It is a feeling of a bit more control. Control of ourselves that is.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SadHub, I completely agree! Phoebe, while you do not need to act on it, you also do not need to deny yourself this anger. Yes--He has been a monumental jerk! He certainly does not deserve to see you and he doesn't need to know where you are at or how you are feeling! Not even close! He gets nothing but to wonder and stew in it!
Sometimes feeling the hurt and anger, yelling & crying, or expressing it however you need to, can be very cathartic! It is okay to feel that and let it pass through you just like the sadness. You are doing fantastic! This is another big step you are taking and you will only get stronger! It's time to go dark!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I felt like I had to break the darkness to be certain I wouldn't run into him at the house. Wish I hadn't felt like I needed to do that.
There is no way I am going to meet with him anywhere but on my own home turf if and when I see him again. He knows where I live and he can drive himself out there to tell me whatever he has to say.
I'm documenting what's gone from the house. I'm worried someone is going to break into our house, because it's becoming obvious that it's not occupied. He has just completely abdicated all responsibility. This was supposed to be his place to live in and care for, and now it's just going to pot while he lived in his stupid apartment. I'm so frustrated.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
So, I'm hanging in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, trying to avoid going back to that sad empty house. its a pretty poor way to spend an evening, watching street cleaners going in circles at the neighboring Big Box Store, and using the Internet on my phone.
As so many people have said recently, I just keep feeling like I'm stuck in a bad dream from which I just can't seem to wake up.
I wonder how I got here, how I missed the signs that my marriage was falling apart around me, how I missed hearing all the lies. I'm feeling OK, I guess, just kind of lost. Nothing new.
Far from low/NC today -there were a bunch of texts after I notified H I would be here and then turned down the idea of him meeting me at this house tomorrow. All admit n kind of stuff, but I was polite and do was he. For once he was wordier than I was. That's a bit of a change.
I'm resolute on one thing: the next time he knocks me flat with his news or whatever he wants to talk about, I'm going to have it be in my own territory, somewhere that I am comfortable and where I have people around me who can help me and support me. Now back to my previously scheduled darkness toward H.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
The anger has alr day passed through me, and I'm feeling OK with that. No uptick in shaking or anything, and that says a lot.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
