R talk will only happen if you let it. You can simply say "I don't want to talk about that right now. Let's just enjoy our vacation," and walk away if you have to.
I have really been trying to sort myself out, part of the history is that I have worked alot, and got complacent. She was home taking great care of our children, while I was working.And the amount she used to do, packing school lunches, putting children to bed, she did this and being organized , so she has been doing the two jobs as well. When I started to do these things, she said ..to little to late, you should have been doing these things years ago.
Do the things you know you are/were supposed to be doing that don't directly involve her. In the meantime for her, DB. Right now, DB'ing her means living as if. It means doing 180s (do the things that are the opposite of what she has come to expect from you - she's going to test). It means detaching. It means GAL - go out, have fun, enjoy your life. Let her see that she isn't the only one who gets to have a life right now. Be faithful to the relationship you want to have, but be faithful to yourself, as well. It also means not working on the R at all. Not talking about it, not even bringing it up. If she wants to, listen. If not, it's not something to talk about, period.
If there's anything I could take back in my situation, it would be to simply shut up, get happy, and be a great dad for a few weeks when my wife first indicated she knew she needed to shut down her EA. Had I done that, I feel she'd have allowed herself to ease away from it.
Do what most of us don't do right now: back waaaaaayyy off her. Detach, but lovingly so. You are going to want to be angry, vindictive, vengeful, and spiteful. Do not. That's the person she wants to leave. That's the person she's using to justify leaving right now. Don't give her justification, but also don't lose respect.
It's tough. There are no guarantees. But have a strong heart, and I hope for the best for you.
I went and hung out with some friends the other night; I didn't go to any bars,but when I got home my asked me if had a good time. The next morning she asked for us all to go and have lunch and has been acting very kind. So I will take your advice still gal, cause tonight she has gone out and usually I ask, and even stay awake,wondering. But now physically I have to start to work out and take a breather.
Had a great weekend;but now my wife has gone back from being kind and upbeat on weekend, to cold and distant. I think I pursued a bit by buying a pair of sunglasses, cause she saw them in the shop. I came home wrote her note and she said thanks. I have to read the post about not pursuing again.
My wife does the same thing; I haven't figured-out the rhythm yet. She was upbeat Sunday and Monday and this morning she was cold and distant.
I'm trying to correlate those feelings with something. Is she excited about her pending move out of our house or is she feeling better about the marriage? My guess is that there is no correlation; it is what it is.
When I came home from hanging out Friday night she was in a good mood; and asked me how was my night.Saturday when we went shopping she was in a good mood;and when she said she was going out in the evening, i said no problem have a good time. Before she left to go out in the evening she asked me to turn on the dishwasher, I forgot. I went to work for 6 am (left around 5am), and when I got home she was annoyed, and apologized and felt like I was being told off like my s.The next day she was okay, but still distant,and today she told me off, blamed me and d for making her late to work by five mins( my vehicle is with the mechanic). I apologized, this evening before going to my pt time job , was snapped at for asking something, she was on the phone. And I apologized,again, and really feel like a little child.The great thing about this was my reaction,usually i plead and say "you are being disrespectful" and it gets into a competition, of past disrespectful comments. I felt I kept cool, i have decided that my health (mental) physical need looking after, I have hypertension that needs to be sorted, , so I have to be strong even though I feel like picking up the phone and saying her , "why have you been talking so disrespectful to me today, but i didn't..
Today I really felt like giving up, hard to stay focused and have a PMA. I pursued today and now mothers day is coming up and I am stressing about gifts and; I sat in my car for half and hour before putting on a fake smile to go to work. My wife berated me again for making her late and being a terrible husband. She then apologized for shouting at me this morning, I said I dont mind the shouting its the disrespect;she called me at my pt job to tell me the kids were stressing her out and my life is easy because I go to work. She reminded me again that she has to make it through the next few months and its done,and she says shes moving out after the vacation. I need to detach, how could i read the sins the other day of her being so nice and today its back to square one.
champ, your title says it all 'feels like i'm on a rollercoaster' because fact is, you are. we all are. it's one crazy rollercoaster that has no rhyme or reason and no matter how hard we try to find a pattern, it does something completely unexpected. point is, don't try to understand why one day she's happy, the next she's yelling, the next she's apologizing. don't try to make any sense of it, because truth be told, she probably doesn't understand it either.
but, i completely understand your pain. it's so hard to look at your W, see your W, but it's not your W. it's some other bitter, hateful woman wearing the cloak of your W. this is the woman you stood in front of and vowed your life too on the happiest day of your life. now, she's ripping your heart out.
don't give up though. we're all riding this rollercoaster together.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
You will be on a rollercoaster ride. My W has said the same things to me abut life, easy for us to go to work while she is stressed watching the kids. Your S will rewrite history.
You are doing well. Take small steps and then take stock in W's reactions. This will help you get a sense of what works to have a positive R.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
