Will embark on a new life in about a month. I'll be single again.
Need to find a place to live- trying for a cheap 3 bedroom or a condo. Not having all that much luck - seller's market right now where I live. Still porn free - will celebrate 180 days of sobriety from my addiction on Wed. Just so happens my addictions group meets that morning - going to bring treats for everyone.
Wife had an episode this weekend where she stormed into the basement at 11:30PM, accused me of stealing her birth control pills (just started taking them so she can have PA with OM), and I couldn't stop laughing she was so off the wall. It was my fault for finding it funny - just got her more mad, but I told her I was going to bed, and to turn off the lights. She proceeded to dump half of my dresser out looking for them... clothes were in a huge pile next to the bed, and she ripped down my life goal sheet and tore it into threads.
Fun times.
Found the sheet taped back together and some of my clothes put away on Sun. night. She found her pills... never took them.
She had a strange thought process on how to pick up kids from activities. Not very cohesive thought. I think EA/PA and MLC is in effect, and having medical issues to boot, or causing some of this, is also causing her brain farts.
Can't stop her from doing the D... just have to continue to ignore her, and work on myself. I'm in self-protection mode now. The faster I'm out and the D is done, the better I'll be, and the better for the kids.
Tough sledding, but I'm ok. Praise the Lord!
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
You can really see it now, can't you? You are the rock for the family; for the kids. Be strong, and show your kids what a strong man looks like.
She will see and it will be far too late...
For you this is a new beginning.
So, so, so proud of you. Where you've been and where you are now is worlds apart. I hope you can see it too!
I find it interesting that she didn't apologize to you; she just went in and taped your sheet and picked up the mess she made. I'm sure that was very embarrassing for her... and sad at the same time.
That's something that can make people realize that this person they have so much hate for is not "out to get them" at every turn, or at all, even.
Enjoy your freedom and keep being the person you want to be,
I think the taped sheet was her apology. Not a great one, but all things considered, more than I would have expected.
Hang in there Trumpet...you're on the last lap. Hug your kids.
Mother's Day is coming. A chance for you to show honor & strength, not by you giving her something, per se. But by making sure the kids do.
In better times, we can hope you both will thank each other for the lovely lives brought into the world due to your marriage. THAT at least, will always be worth celebrating.
This Mother's Day could be a HUGE sign of how a great man reacts when the mother of his children, wounds him.
He may stumble but he rises again, holds his head high, and makes sure his kids are okay.
If she gives you nothing on Father's Day & doesn't insist or help the kids to, they will notice...indeed, our children notice a lot more than we realize.
((( )))
PS
On a personal note, I think a quiet chuckle at her antics with the birth control pills was perfect (because sure, You of all people WANT her to have another man's child....???)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It's been 180 days clean and sober from the porn addiction.
There can be, and will be, triggers for the rest of my life. It's awesome to think I have the strength within to cope with my problems and life issues without having to give in. There is an inner strength that radiates from me - many have said it.
3 months into my new managers job - 3 months we have beat forecast. Nice to see God giving me something on one side of the scale as He takes away on the other side. I see a stronger, more confident Trumpet for the rest of my life.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Thank you for sharing your story. I will be following you as you are just a head of my on the d train. I see strength in how you are handling it, and your example gives me ideas and strength as my d train will go pretty quick once it starts rolling.
I don't want the d, but at this point, the sooner it can get done, the sooner the space that is sorely needed for me and my daughters can be had.
Keep up the good work brother and have a wonderful weekend.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Wayward is, well, still wayward. Is angry at me, sarcastic, passive aggressive, condescending, etc. most of the time.
Got pre-approved, did some house/condo hunting, and after some offers, finally landed a nice condo. Close to the old house, so kids won't be put out - they can walk from one place to the other, since they're only a couple blocks away. Close middle of next month.
Work is good - best month we've had at my new location in 5 years. Other sales manager quit, so I have some added responsibilities now. Not exactly what I had in mind, but things happen.
I don't think WW will break out of her spell for 6 months or longer. She is completely dug in, $amn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Honestly, she'd have to really rebuild herself in order for me to consider her now. She has some character traits that led her down this path, a bit of a rocky family and events which make her pre-disposed to addictive traits and closed off emotions. I still have waves of emotion, but the oscillations aren't nearly as dramatic or as frequent. Like a boat rocking at a dock, after the waves of a ship have passed.
I see so many new posts on the Newcomers thread that ultimately lead me to believe they cannot detach from the situation. They are waaaay too emotionally invested in the relationship, whether thru co-dependence, or being a nice guy. It takes time, ladies and gents, and seeing the sitch from the 10,000 ft view to get a full grasp on the GAL/detachment thing. Somedays, I'd love to have a detachment paddle and just whack some of the newbies with it. It takes the wounds a bit of healing, and some painful self-introspection to get there. Some don't want to pay that price; others dive in, and become better people for it.
Every day is brick in the wall of my own making. The WW did her own wall, months, if not years ago. My wall is to protect myself, and I know that wall with not help with future intimate relationships. However, every brick going up makes it more difficult for WW to come back as well. In the near term, it keeps me detached, and not crying every day. My faith in Jesus has become the strongest in my life. I feel the sense of peace that I was looking for in Him, and within myself now. Still make mistakes, still sin - example in point, had a text session with WW today that I shouldn't have done, but got caught in the moment.
I'll keep posting. Getting sleepy tonight, though. Jump in if you have any questions or anything to contribute. I still love to be here, reading other situations, learning and growing.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Great post trumpet. You sound like a new, wiser person. The rest of us newbies are going to have to struggle to get there. But that is a struggle that we will survive, simply because we have no choice to.
What was the tipping point that made you realise that there is no hope - if you ever did reach that?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
It takes the wounds a bit of healing, and some painful self-introspection to get there. Some don't want to pay that price; others dive in, and become better people for it.