Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
WW is now acting like she cannot take the kids for her one night a week if I don't give her $$. She is acting like such a brat and I really don't get her complete lack of desire to spend time with the kids. She had them Friday night and basically went out for two hours after work, picked the kids up from grandma's, took them to her apt and put them to bed so she could play her game. Then she wanted me to pick them up first thing in the AM, which I happily did and we had an AWESOME day. Stepping up my dad game 1000% to make up for her bs.
Really love spending all this time with my kids and not having to constantly try and make her happy (compared to pre BD), or feel rejected because she wouldn't do anything with me and kids. I see now that the world used to revolve around her and what she wanted. I guess this was due to my "Nice Guy" issues. Starting to assert myself more and not take her BS.
Trying to not over due it, but at the same time it feels good to stand up for myself. Advice on how to walk this fine line?
I guess ^^^ the lack of attention just goes back to the WW being like an addict only looking for their next "High" and will do whatever it takes to get back to her game
Been a while! Got caught up a bit. Walking the fine line isn't something I think you should really worry about. It's more about don't say or do anything that you can't back up with a consequence (positive or negative), don't push, and then don't do things attached to expectations.
If setting a boundary that does not try to push the R or is done out of expectation pisses her off, so what? That is your personal moral code/value system independent of her.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Hi Cubebot, thank you for your posts on my thread, I have no idea how to change the internet connection you spoke of.
I felt sad reading your posts and how your WW is not very interested in your children. I really don't understand it at all. The one thing that pains me the most in all of this situation is the thought of having to send my children off for the day/night with their Dad and me not be with them.
It sounds like you are being a great Dad to make up for it, which is great. Wish my H wanted to be the best Dad ever like you and others on here.
I find it tricky walking the fine line you speak of too. It feels like every interaction is so contrived and fraught with danger!
WW is now acting like she cannot take the kids for her one night a week if I don't give her $$. She is acting like such a brat and I really don't get her complete lack of desire to spend time with the kids. She had them Friday night and basically went out for two hours after work, picked the kids up from grandma's, took them to her apt and put them to bed so she could play her game. Then she wanted me to pick them up first thing in the AM, which I happily did and we had an AWESOME day. Stepping up my dad game 1000% to make up for her bs.
........
Trying to not over due it, but at the same time it feels good to stand up for myself. Advice on how to walk this fine line?
Well fine then, keep them. And make sure you are properly documenting this. Document it every single day. Use a handwritten notebook or an online journal with accurate date stamps. If you keep this up for 6+ months, then you can write your own custody/child support agreement in crayon and a judge will sign it.
Unless your WW has a bigger, faster turnaround than I have EVER seen, then you know where this is going. And I can pretty much promise you one thing - starting in a year or two until your kids are grown and married, you will want nothing more than your ex to butt-out of your life. You are basically in a position now to make that happen.
I know this situation is terrible for you and your kids right now, but in the long run, for you, this is a gift. So when things seem bad, remember to think and be thankful you arent dealing with one of the crazy manic cheaters I have dealt with in other cases. You are not fighting to stay out of jail or debt, you arent fighting for unsupervised visitation, you arent having to drop off your kids every Wed night to the OM in your home, and you more than likely arent facing a future where you are the legally defined secondary parent to a crazy person. You are having awesome time with your kids, right? Sounds pretty awesome to me
Your kids are lucky to have you. It sounds to me like you are walking the line just fine.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Hi Cubebot, thank you for your posts on my thread, I have no idea how to change the internet connection you spoke of.
I felt sad reading your posts and how your WW is not very interested in your children. I really don't understand it at all. The one thing that pains me the most in all of this situation is the thought of having to send my children off for the day/night with their Dad and me not be with them.
It sounds like you are being a great Dad to make up for it, which is great. Wish my H wanted to be the best Dad ever like you and others on here.
I find it tricky walking the fine line you speak of too. It feels like every interaction is so contrived and fraught with danger!
Hi inpain,
I think @ BD I was more upset about being a Thursday and every other weekend father. The things my WW continues to do and her actions are really something I never expected from a mother. There is nothing that would prevent me from wanting to be with my children, and doing what is in their best interest. I sometimes do things that I know are counter DB (trying to facetime her when they ask etc.) I don't know if she see's this as pursuing, but when I do FT, I just push send give them the phone and leave the room. It's not for me it's for them and I know they love and miss their mother. Thank you for your motherly perspective.
