Buddy, we're here for you. Rant away, you will always find understanding here. We've all been there...
Thanks man. But I want to know, what is left but a wounded CWOL that will never be whole again? When friends and family tell me to get over it, all I can see is myself with my wings clipped, carrying a ball and chain called ex-wife. What is positive to look forward to?
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
A friend of mine who went through a divorce said he ate peanut butter sandwiches. Just peanut butter, no jelly, for 1 year after his divorce. In retrospect he wishes he would have done it sooner because all the money he spent was worth his happiness and peace of mind. When you let go and you will have to whether you like it or not, you will feel peace. After the initial pain, you will feel alive, you will see a world of opportunity. A chance to be the CWOL you were meant to be, the father you were meant to be. Life doesn't always work out the way you want, show your son how a man reacts when faced with adversity; with his head held high not taking sh!t from anyone.
You get to build the new you, the better you, the YOU that you aways wanted to become. Trust me, it is an awesome experience and you will learn sooooo much about yourself, and you will gain superpowers (I kid you not).
You will become much more in tune with people's feelings and yo will be able to "read" people to perfection.... I am 2 years post BD and I am not kidding when I say to you that if I got to choose between getting my wife back and loosing all these gifts and keeping my gifts, my gifts would stay no questions asked. I like myself a whole lot better nowadays...
Thanks Melo, but how/where would I find said happiness and peace of mind? When I look at my pay stub every two weeks and see half of it deducted by someone who fired me? I just realized that will put my take home pay back to what I was making around when I got married 18 years ago.
People tell me it gets better, but I'm coming up on six months now. It's steadily gotten worse, I'm more despondent by the day. The hurt does not go away, the wound has not healed, it just got deeper and deeper every time WW claws more things from me. I overheard her telling OM that her L told her, "If there are ten towels in the house, make sure you take five!" And she was laughing about that. Someone I took care and provided for for eighteen years is saying. Someone who never had to get out of her pajamas until 10 am to go to her cushy job for 4 hours, and who spends Fridays getting her nails and hair done and shopping at Nordstrom, because I enabled her to do that? Sure, after D is finalized the support will be a little less, but she can continue to do all those things with impunity.
Even for my career, where I have done very well, now I feel Communist about it. Why work hard when half of my bonus or raises goes to someone who discarded me?
I'm sorry, I just have been feeling terrible after hearing WW's conversation with OM. I guess this part of snooping is bad.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Those 6 months were spent in limbo. They were terrible because they were spent trying to control someone that you have no control over. You will heal when you let it go. It could be another terrible 6 months if you choose for it to be so. She is taking the money and material things because the law is allowing her to. She thinks they will make her feel better, they will not. She is taking your happiness and peace of mind because you are allowing her to. You will find happiness and peace of mind by looking for them, but you haven't taken the time. You've been too busy snooping and trying to control. Time to focus on you. Do something nice for yourself, for those 18 years of supporting her, for the last 6 months of he11. Show yourself some love brother, you deserve it, you have been a great Dad and a great husband...too bad she can't see that. Her loss.
Thanks Melo, you are right. I need to find my path out of this place of darkness.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
CWOL, I always like to share this story about a guy I knew from work, his W left him for another man and filed for D. This was about 4 years ago. He was a mess, missed a lot of work, and a few suicide attempts under his belt.
NOW - that same guy is another person. Months of therapy and self help changed this guy into a scared, worried guy into someone with confidence and spirit. The last time I talked to him, he was dating an incredibly beautiful woman that always held his arm, and his ex-w was a very unhappy person trying desperately to win him back. Once he detached that emotional hose, which was very hard for him, he took off.
If he could do it, you can.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
I need to find my path out of this place of darkness.
You said it brother! Now lets figure out how you are going to do that.
I set a goal today to do something to boost my confidence. I'm going to start taking a Krav Maga class. It's a 12 week course and my goal is to dedicate myself and be a BAD @$$. I also want to do something to get me out of my comfort zone, I am thinking taking a dance class (the last thing I would ever do). Hey, why not take yourself out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself.
