What I hadn't previously advised was that this OM was my wife’s ex-boss and a friend of the family for many years, and would not have a problem committing which is why I wonder what the holdup is[...]
Interesting my WW's AP is her boss (See my story here)
JohnnyB, I feel for you man - I read though your thread and see some of the same mistakes I've made in my marriage. I'm almost 5 months after BD and 1 month into Physical Separation.
I hear exactly what you're saying about getting unravelled with each interaction with WW because of the kids. Every Sat I have to drop off my D to the condo I was living in with my W for 5 years and get to see my old home and life that I was forced to leave. Now that I've decided to detach, I keep any verbal or in person interaction very brief and to the point for my own good so I don't get drawn in. I'm not rude, just business like. This has helped my get less unravelled. Communications about the kids I do as much as I can via e-mail or text where possible.
I'm starting to spend a lot more time on this board and it's given me a sense of community even though it's online. This board has helped me the most so far. Keep reading and posting!
Also, I'm trying to journal each day. I have 3 journals, Regular, Angry, Grateful.
Finally, I used a guided meditation to fight anxiety before and after I see my WW/STBXW. (you can download scribd on your smartphone and get the healing guided meditation audio book. It's about 15mins and it does wonders)
I initially thought that meditation and journalling was a bunch of hokey poky until I tried it and saw instant results.
Hope that maybe it will help you.
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
What I hadn’t previously advised was that this OM was my wife’s ex-boss and a friend of the family for many years, and would not have a problem committing which is why I wonder what the holdup is, finance for my wife is not an issue I’m certainly not the money side of the family
Well, you never know about the AP. He may enjoy his fling with your W, but doesn't want to get into another M any time soon. The A could fizzle out and she could find a new OM. I hope not, but it happens, sometimes.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Things are a little up and down, sometimes i'm resolved to the situation and get very involved with work, i have also gone back to playing the guitar and my brother-in-law has been very instrumental in getting me playing again and pushing me to play with the band again, we'll see!! Other days, the family unit and memories come flooding back and and its hard to refocus. sleeping has been slightly better but still having some very upsetting dreams, why our own minds plays such vicious ticks on oneself i don't know. So really GAL is not going very well, really finding it difficult to know where to start but will have find somewhere Thanks for your comments and i'm sorry you also find yourself in the same situation
Me (H) - 53 W - 53 T- 24 yrs M - 21 yrs Daughter – 15 yrs BD (W: I don’t love you – left house) - July 2015
JohnnyB, glad to hear you are rekindling your creative side in your music. I hear tapping into these kind of things can really help with your healing process. I've started to play Trumpet again myself.
My sleeping is up and down as well but it's a key goal of mind because my bad days are usually when I haven't had a good night sleep. (I have the nightmares as well too) I need to get back to the gym and I think that will help.
My GAL is getting better though. I rely on friends and this board. I've also started a meetup.com group in my area for single parents with kids, and we go on Saturdays with the kids to various venues.
Keep posting and working on yourself and being a great dad. My prayers are with you and your family.
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
My wife and daughter have been away for the last week, somewhere we always used to go as a family so its been difficult to block out the memories, especially as i've been imagining that the OM has gone with them taking my place. However my wife phoned yesterday evening to ask if i would like to see my daughter this weekend in addition to the original plan when i was due to see her next week, so its a bit of a bonus. However from the conversation it transpires that he certainly isn't there so there has been not indication of him being around for some time, although i appreciate i'm hardly in a position to find out exactly what is going on, but i feel things haven't been going quite as i have been imagining Still unsure as to what is going on but regardless i'm enjoying my guitar playing and photography
Me (H) - 53 W - 53 T- 24 yrs M - 21 yrs Daughter – 15 yrs BD (W: I don’t love you – left house) - July 2015
Great news! You get bonus time with your daughter! Sounds like you are torturing yourself a bit by imagining that the OM has taken your place. Whether OM has or not, you need to focus on YOU! Focus even more on your guitar playing and photography.
You mentioned that you are wondering what is she waiting for? Why would she make any changes? She has it quite nice as it it, right?
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I have also been separated for 7 months. My husband has not spoken a word to me since he left. He picks up daughter and leaves never makes eye contact. Will this change
