I admire how you analyse things and move on with your life. I'm sorry to hear about your new guy problems but I think you are wise to step back, offer him to listen to him but at the same time not trying to fix his problems. Please let us know about the award :-)!
Sorry to hear about the award, I'm sure you have done your best and just to be nominated for an award is in my view already a win :-)!
Glad to read that you are ok. You are an amazing woman and I think of you as a role model and I hope that I'll be in a similar place as you in the near future :-)
On Fridays I like to go out dancing with a group of friends. However, Lately, Brian has been dancing solely with me all night. Nothing weird has ever happened, he is a perfect gentleman. Not only that, he is a great dancer. We look very very good together. Great chemistry while dancing. It is amazing to me how we move in sync perfectly. I am the only woman there able to match his step no matter where he places his foot. I started dancing with Brian before I started seeing Chris.
I have been 100% upfront with Chris about Brian since day one. I keep no secrets from Chris, he even knows about you guys and the help I get on this forum, but he never comes here.
But Brian does not know I am dating Chris. I never tried to hide it from him. We just never, ever talk about things that are too personal. Brian has seen me with Chris before, so he knew I was with him a few times. But Chris and I are very exclusive right now.
Yesterday I went to a dance with Chris and Brian was there
It was a little awkward. The reason is, Brian usually comes to these dances with other women, but this time he did not and I think he wanted to turn to me as his dance partner. But I was close to Chris the whole time. And I had a ball. I wore a very low cut dress which is out of character for me and both boys were a little shocked.
I am feeling guilt today when i think of Brian and I am not sure why. I am not dating Brian, and we dont even sit together at the dance. We just dance with each other.
I think the reason is I was starting to very much enjoy our conversations together and I have a fear he will leave me since I am not perfect. What I mean is, me not being single and free in my head means I did something wrong, therefore I am not perfect. So I feel I did something wrong to Brian.
I did not do anything wrong to Brian at all. So I am talking myself into not feeling guilt when I am not wrong, but it is so hard. I always take on guilt.
Anyway, I just had a magical weekend with Chris. He asked me to move in with him. He knew I would say no. He knew there was zero chance. He just tells me every day how happy he is that I came into his life. He calls me an Angel straight from heaven multiple times a day. And he continues to say he will find a way to be worthy of me.
Yes he is moving fast, but I am pretty sure I have my head securely on. He is acting this way because I have so much to offer him, including a ton of love. However. I am still not 100% sure he can offer me as much in return. I do know that I keep asking him to stop buying me gifts and flowers and stop trying to be better, because I never asked him to change a thing, he still wakes up every day and tries to be a better person.
One of my biggest complaints about H is he never tried. He never tried to help me or make anything better. He just expected me to do it. And here is Chris, trying so damn hard every day. And me trying to appreciate it, but not let it change my life yet. it is hard, because he just appreciates what I do sooo much. His enthusiasm is incredible. And I could easily get pulled in by that. Because it is a little heady... and nice... and I have been starving for it for so many years...
And the more he appreciates what I do, the more I want to do more. Same with him. The more I say thank you for the tiny things he does, the more tiny things he does. And he is trying to do things my way. He is always asking if I like this, or that. Do I like it better this way or that way. He hears my rely and acts on it.
Anyway, I will just take it one day at a time and enjoy what I am being given.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
It hit me that if I were still M to jerkface, i would be in my room for the whole weekend, smoking and playing on the computer.
Instead.. I am going out with great friends on Friday, grabbing a few hours of sleep, and hopping on a plane to Vegas for a great, great group of friends.
When I get back on Monday, i am permanently solving a personal issue that causes much stress. I would have never solved this if I were m. and then spending the night with Chris, who will give me flowers, or a small piece of jewelry (nothing expensive) or a stuffed animal. He gave me a Thor doll last week. It was one of those POP dolls, and unless you are a nerd, you wont understand, but those POP dolls are like nerd candy. He had no idea how well he did.
I dont want him to spend his money on me, and i ask him not to, but it feels really good to know that there is a person who wants me in his life so badly that he is constantly putting in effort to make sure i feel appreciated and loved and happy.
On Sunday, he was in a bad mood. He is dealing with stress at work and with his kids and like a normal human, he was stressed and grumpy.
I am not good at grumpy. So I was still my happy self. We went to a dance and I had a hard time sitting in my seat because he did not want to dance. I asked him a bunch of times to dance with me and he said he did not want to dance yet.
Another guy came over and asked me to dance and I went to dance with him. Chris got up and asked a different girl to dance. I was not mad, but he was in such a mood that he wanted to fight. We have never had a fight before.
I asked him why he would dance with her and not me and he said it was because I was up dancing with another guy.
(real quick back story... I met Chris at a singles dance, and the dance we went to on Sunday was a singles dance, and it is perfectly normal for guys to ask the women to dance. I hate these singles dances, because i dont feel single and I dont want other guys asking me to dance. Chris knows this, but he likes these dances because he knows everyone. I told him i cant hurt a guys feelings by refusing to dance, i just cant be mean like that.)
I told him i did not want to dance with any other guy, I wanted to dance with him but he kept saying no. He replied that I was in a bad mood.
At first I was sad. Chris and I always have so much fun together. I tried not to show how sad I was, but he saw. Then I refocused on different things, like my school and trip to vegas, and that thing Chris did a few nights ago. In less than a minute I was back to my normal, happy self. Poor poor Chris was still in a bad mood. Finally he said he just wanted to go home. I said fine and I left and he left. We each got into our cars and I was about to drive home. He blocked me from leaving and asked if I wanted to go back to his house (which is normally where I go after the dances).
This was a hard decision for me. I was in no mood to hang around a grump. I did not want to fight with him, because I would win. I did not want to win. But I did not want to go home. I missed the hell out of him.
I acted as if he was not in a bad mood, and I followed him to his house. He was so grumpy that he lost me on the way, but i dont need him, i have a GPS I made it to his house maybe 10 minutes after he did.
He was still grumpy. We had a normal evening, which is about all I can post
So now, I am like a queen. I went home later, but the next morning he woke up and realized what a complete douche we was. He was so apologetic for being moody and saying mean things and was utterly amazed that i completely let him off the hook for all of it. I cant count how many times he said how he is the luckiest guy in the world. He told me how he went to work and told his friends what a terrible person he was and how sweet i was.
I was not amazing or sweet or any of it. But the fact that he keeps saying those things makes me FEEL amazing and sweet. I dont know how i got along for so many years without someone telling me I am an angel. But now that he does this, I dont ever want to live without it.
Oh Yeah... i have an update on the M front too.
I gave my h the money for the d. I gave him extra money because he said if we pay extra they can expedite it, and I gave him 2 packs of cigarettes. I called the courthouse to see why i was not served yet...
He never filed... he took my money and never filed.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Ms Mona, you are ah-mazing! And you deserve every bit of sweetness and love you are getting. And after-dance limes. Hope you have a fabulous time in Vegas!
I cannot believe H took your money and never filed!!!!
