I'm very sorry that things didn't go well between you and your dad. It does sound like he's got something going on. It could have been he and his wife were having some issues and your call caught him wrong...but I do hope that he'll come to realize just how crazy he was and apologize.
You will absolutely love Jamaica! Where are you planning to visit while there? I know that when I went there many years ago, the natives were constantly wanting to braid my hair and if you asked them anything, they wanted a tip. LOL! Go and have a wonderful time. You owe it to yourself!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Things are better between my dad and I. He never apologized, but we agreed to disagree. he is super defensive when it comes to his wife. I am going to Montego Bay at a 5 star resort the friend I travelling with has visited twice. All inclusive, don't have to worry about a thing! I will be nothing but relaxing, eating, drinking, and sunning, just the way I like it these days! We aren't even venturing off the resort. I used to be full of adventure on vacays, but this one needs to be low key we both need to reset.
I figured out NG (or old guy for that matter, lol)began talking to his new GF while we were figuring out what we were going to do with our R. it hurts like a MOFO to have this happen yet again in my life, but it explains a lot. I had people tell me who know both of us that I was the first thing real in his life and he couldn't handle it. Whatever the reason, still stinks.
I have been on this weird journey as I get older I become so much more honest with myself even if I've got to dig deep and find what I don't want to. I think that's called being a grown-up:) I have come to realize why this is so hard for me to deal with and get over and I shared it with my bestie and I will share with my IC tomorrow. The reasons freaked me out, but my friend assured me they were understandable. One day I'll share, but I haven't quite worked through it yet.
All I can say right now is that I am so tired, physically and emotionally. And no matter what I do to make life easier, it doesn't work. My head has been just above water for the past 8 years, but right now I feel like I am sinking.
I stayed in Montego Bay years ago at one of the all inclusive places. We did venture forth out on the island to a lot of different places. All inclusives are the way to go and you can have a great time w/o leaving the resort. If I recall, we had a nudist beach not far from where we stayed.
I'm glad things are better between you and your dad. I don't understand why he's so defensive when it comes to his wife. It's not like you hate her or anything.
Keep swimming...you'll get to the other side of the ocean soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had a nervous breakdown at my IC the other night. Everything finally came to a head. A lot of stuff came out, but one thing I know for sure my IC said is I have to stop wasting energy on him. While my breakdown didn't have to do with him directly, I recently found out the new girl came before we officially ended things. He had a back up plan. And this has happened to me with the man I married, and some guys I have dated. So it was a huge trigger and set me back. I know it's his way of escaping things that are real, nonetheless, it hurt.
IC and I did agree I need to not give him anymore energy. It's been difficult, but I am getting there. I was in a good place with him until I found all of this out.
I have been working out a lot, which is why I am so tired. I take D* to swim, we hang out there until I take my exercise class and we get home a little before 8pm. I have been watching my diet very well, mostly because I do not have the energy to eat, lol. My exercise keeps me sane and I am looking good.
I discussed with IC how I want my ex to take an extra week night every now and then, but I know he won't take it. Then we discussed getting a babysitter once a week, but I won't be able to get ex to pay for his half, it will be a battle. I am just doing everything on my own. I have zero help. No one.
So here is the truth. I thought I finally found the guy who was going to be the ticket out of this life and into a partnership. 8 years of being alone, and I was/am done. I thought I finally going to share the good, the bad, and the responsibilities of everyday life with someone else. We talked about our future together like that, although it was just talk on his end, but I let myself feel it. It felt hopeful about my future for the first in a long time. When it was taken away, I felt hopeless. And then I was triggered by this other woman. he will probably have her moved in no time, because that's his MO, and she isn't a risk because she wouldn't be picking up her whole life. It brought me back to ex and OW and how I felt OW got what I was supposed. The marriage, the family, ect. Of course, I logically get that part was just a trigger.
Raw truth. I can't get over this because I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel in which I feel like I have been trapped in for so long. MY IC things it's normal as can be, we are meant to be couples in this world, partners, and I have gone for so long without it. It doesn't make me needy or weak, it just makes me real and human.
So, time to get over it, so I can get the real deal one day in my life. I am not going to lose hope.
To lose hope must be one of the worst things that can happen to a person. To have something you desperately want - physical health, a loving relationship, a child, anything - dangled within reach and then grabbed away must be devastating. Awful. Especially when the very thing you longed for is then given freely to someone who does not deserve it. No wonder you are having so much trouble getting past this, G.
I agree with your IC, that people are meant to be part of a couple; I've told you before that I truly believe that our hearts have a love-shaped hole in them that cannot be filled by the love of our kids or friends. I really thought NG was that guy. He fooled a lot of people, G, not only you. His loss. His daughter's loss. But NOT your loss - you've had a very lucky escape.
I know it does not feel like that now, but someday it will. And someday you will find love, because you are such a loving deserving wonderful woman. Hang in there honey.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
You always understand exactly where I am coming from Just like my divorce, this was not only the loss of a love (and I admittedly, in the short time I knew him, loved him more than my ex) but the loss of a lifestyle and a family. It never came to fruition, but it was hopeful. I really did care for his daughter, his friends, everyone. He was not in a place to receive that.
You are so right about that special spot in the heart that can only be filled by one thing. I have filled every area of my heart except that one. One day..... one day.....hopefully soon, lol
Thanks for stopping JksD. I've been without any consistent companionship for 8 years since my daughter was an infant. It's finally taking a toll on me. The difference is, I used to take whatever crumbs I could get. Now I want it to mean something and last in the long run. That's why I took a stand this time, I needed to know it was real and I wasn't the one keeping it together,and, unfortunately, he didn't come through as I hoped. I am taking it hard. Very hard. I still remain proud of me for not accepting less than I need and want. It was just easier to move on to the next. I'm worth more than that.
The fact I can't keep my eyes open half of the time isn't helping my mood, lol. I burst into tears randomly, which is nuts. It's like going back to the first 2 years of the D.
I did have a nice talk with my dad last night. I was avoiding him because he doesn't understand when I get like this, and it hurts him to see me hurt. But I explained why I had been avoiding him and he offered me some kind and non-judgemental advice and he took a good effort in trying not to tell me how I should be feeling.
I want the old me back. I look in recent pictures of me and my eyes look so empty. I am actually quite a charismatic person normally. I hate that I'm letting a guy take this from me. I swore I would never let that happen again. I'm certainly not going to attract my future mate this way!
I'm working on it, because we all do deserve love.
Ginger, it must have been tough on you all these years, especially when your d was still so young.
We all deserve love, and I think you did the right thing. Better to make a stand now than to learn later that NG can't step up to the plate.
The divorce recovery books say that the first breakup after a D is as painful as, if not more painful than, the D. It takes a lot of strength and courage to set aside our vulnerabilities to try again.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Just like my divorce, this was not only the loss of a love (and I admittedly, in the short time I knew him, loved him more than my ex) but the loss of a lifestyle and a family. It never came to fruition, but it was hopeful. I really did care for his daughter, his friends, everyone. He was not in a place to receive that.