This^^ (meaning MLC signs, Esame's H not wanting to "hurt" her, and tfish's Vday card ). Got all that, too. I can check off A,B,C,D most times and have seen E,G,and H pop up. Right now by being cheerful, helpful, and understanding (and encouraging him to talk when he starts to bring up hopes or fears)and by not really getting into big R talks, I'm just getting a lot of "I'm sorry".
That is progress though, isn't it? I don't see my husband offering any apologies any time soon!
I don't know. He dropped the bomb 2 weeks after our daughter got married in our back yard. He has apologized since the beginning, tried to go out of his way to appear helpful and nice, and over-reacts when he thinks he has physically hurt me (accidently dropped a fence rail and it bounced onto my foot). He seems very concerned with appearing to be a "bad guy", but then does things that hurt emotionally with no regard at all. Still wants to be my "friend" when HE wants do things. I do see progress (baby steps) in some areas, but the "I'm sorry" stuff has been there since almost day one. Just words and guilt, but they have increased.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I don't know. He dropped the bomb 2 weeks after our daughter got married in our back yard. He has apologized since the beginning, tried to go out of his way to appear helpful and nice, and over-reacts when he thinks he has physically hurt me (accidently dropped a fence rail and it bounced onto my foot). He seems very concerned with appearing to be a "bad guy", but then does things that hurt emotionally with no regard at all. Still wants to be my "friend" when HE wants do things. I do see progress (baby steps) in some areas, but the "I'm sorry" stuff has been there since almost day one. Just words and guilt, but they have increased.
He sounds torn and hurt by his own actions, I guess if it was me having a MLC I would be behaving in a similar manner. There is an article on the main page here called "He must be teething" and it helped me with my mindset. I treat my husband's actions in he same way I treated the kids when they were teething: justify all the grumpiness and tantrums as part of the process.
I am aware that every situation is different obviously. And you have been going through it for a lot longer than me.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
The last couple of days have been horrible. Since his mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer all I want to do is try to be there for him but in some ways I feel like I don't have the right to. Stupid way of thinking, I know. I'm very close to his mum, but obviously he is the one that suffers the most here.
I'm trying to support MIL as much as possible, and be there for him too if I can. MIL has been helping me deal with this madness before she was diagnosed so now I feel guilty for involving her and upsetting her with our marital issues.
We are waiting for the final results on Monday, I pray that her prognosis is good.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Esame - I am so sorry. Your MIL is in my thoughts. Try to get some rest.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Esame, I'm so sorry to read about your MIL. Support her as much as possible. She's going to need all of the prayers, support and love that all of you can give her at this time. Her battle will not be an easy one.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for the replies and support. Things have turned worse, MIL had her full report from the hospital and there is a metastasis on her kidney. I want to remain optimistic, and try to stay positive on the phone calls with her, but I feel like I should be there. I'm going to wait for the operation schedule and see if there is any way the kids can get time off school so we can visit.
I am also struggling on the relationship level, as I don't know where I stand or how I should be acting, what I should be doing. He is nice, has been nice for days even before the diagnosis, but we are still distant. I cannot describe it, we are together but at the same time we are miles apart. We are still not sleeping together (I still don't understand why!) and I miss the closeness and even the comfort.
I thought I was in limbo before, but I think now it is hell. Or limbo with added worry, feeling of guilt, being helpless and feeling generally low. Unhappy. And feeling so selfish to be thinking about myself and relationship when my poor MIL is going through something like this. How did we end up here, a few months ago I was happy.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Sorry to hear about your MIL. Keeping her and your family in my prayers.
Thank you so much.
It's been a few hard days again, MIL sent us a copy of her report and there are two metastases, one in her kidney and one in her liver. I still have faith in her, and I pray that everything will go well. It seems the liver metastasis is a game changer, but I don't want to dwell on that. H is optimistic too and so is his dad.
I was very angry and upset the other night, he told me that he was going to his mum for 11 days and I insisted that it should be longer. He snapped and said "what is it to you" and I burst in tears as I love his mum and I already feel the issues among us impact on how much I can say to him. It's hard to explain, I know she is like a mum to me, but while he is rejecting our marriage I feel like a fraud being upset about her. Crazy thinking, I know.
I want to talk to him, but I don't know if I should, or what to say. He doesn't need any more fries and upset, I don't want to be insensitive or selfish. I think that EVERYTHING I'm doing at the moment is wrong.
I struggle to concentrate so I'm really behind with my reading. I would normally have finished Michele's books by now, but my head is simply all over the place.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
